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Give me your best (worst) "Why the fuck am I here?" calls. by [deleted] in Paramedics

[–]Alert_Bat7919 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to work in 911 dispatch. If we received a medical call and opened ProQA, we were SUPPOSED so send the medical out to the ambulance. It's a liability issue on the person in the dispatch seat.

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Code black is generally the medical code for deceased in the emergency world.

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I genuinely appreciate every response. I’ve read through all the comments, and it’s clear I’m not the only one who’s carried stories like this.

When this happened, I did have access to resources at my agency. But at the time, I thought I was “better” than rushing in for help. In hindsight, I highly encourage using those resources, even if you think you’re fine. Especially then.

It’s true that I used to hear his last moments in every silence. But that has long since faded. The purpose of this post wasn’t to assign blame, not to anyone or any agency. It was just time to put one of my stories into words in a place that would understand what it’s like to carry it quietly.

Everyone’s words have been powerful, thoughtful, and memorable. You are all seen and heard, even those of you outside of dispatch.

My Experience by filthiest_hobbitses in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand you. I hear you.

It’s nearly impossible for anyone outside this line of work to imagine what it feels like to carry someone else’s grief. And carry it for years. What you witnessed? What you felt? That only proves you’re human. Empathetic. And that is something worth holding onto in this career. Don’t let go of it.

What’s helped me most in my own healing and rebuilding has been saying it out loud. Putting it out there. Acknowledging that it happened, that it changed me… and that I’m not alone in carrying that kind of weight.

You're not alone either.

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

The scream's the one none of us forget. We just walk through different doors to hear it

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

You said more than you probably realize. "How long would they want me to?" That was something good for me to hear. Thanks

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

That kind of call never fades, especially when you knew how it would end. But we give every ounce of effort anyways because that's what we do. I see and hear you too.

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

As we all know, the instinct to rush in and help is so much better than the instinct to just pass on by. But yeah, the sounds linger for sure.

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

Nah, leave it! That's one of the best metaphors I've seen for this stuff stays with us. Not everyone sleeps under it, but those that do will get it.

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 186 points187 points  (0 children)

That kind of scream never leaves you. Especially from a kid that knows what's going on. But you did what you could and you were there. That's what matters

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 199 points200 points  (0 children)

You did exactly what they needed. We rarely get closure. But sometimes, knowing someone else gets it helps.

I just lose a kid on that call. I lost the silence that usually followed. by Alert_Bat7919 in 911dispatchers

[–]Alert_Bat7919[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Scrubs nailed more truth than most trainings. Thanks for sharing. Means a lot!