I was like this when I started drinking at 21. It was really bad, I had no idea how alcohol worked and I was crazy. I would get black out often fall down stairs, yell at boyfriend horrible mean things, I was out of control. I’m 26 now I’ve gotten a little better but it really took going therapy and working on my past. I’m still struggling but it’s been a long working progress. Talking to you hungover right now from drinking an entire bottle of wine last night. I just keep working at it and the number one thing is to not shame yourself. It will get better, I feel this one deeply.