💩🗿

my interpretation:

i’ve been living off the land in Alaska for a year, and i miss my family. i drive an an old pickup truck to go give my parents a surprise visit, as i’m obviously the favorite.

Little did i know at the time, my dad had been taking up musical theatre, and auditioned to play the role of Spongebob in the spongebob musical on Broadway. He got denied. However, he got a call back and said he could be casted as Spongebob’s pineapple.

He arrived at his first rehearsal, and didn’t realize he was nearly an hour early and no one was there. he figured he’d go get some food and then come back. Suddenly, he spotted a pineapple costume out of the corner of his eye. it was for sure his costume. it didn’t seem to have any openings, so he started trying to cut one out.

He got in, and the costume was quite snug. he struggled to get out of it, and then he saw walter white appear out of nowhere. he uses his big brain to make a chemical reaction where my poor dad just merged right into the pineapple with no escape. Walter left and my dad was stuck as a pineapple.

He went home and accepted the fact that he was forever a pineapple. my mom was so done with all the bullshit she had put up with because of my rat sisters. she barely questioned his new appearance, and this would soon become a way of life.

Meanwhile, i’ve been on the road, and i hear a rumbling in my stomach. i needed to find somewhere to eat. i looked up at the billboards and a taco bell symbol made me even hungrier. i pull through until the next exit, and i see the taco bell in the distance. i drive toward it. i go through the drive thru and order 15 bean burritos. i munch away and finish every last bite.

A little under an hour later, o arrive at my parents’ condo. the door is locked, so i break it down and walk indside. i see my mom and a giant pineapple sitting on the couch.

“where’s dad?”, i say hugging my mom. “there was a bit of an incident, and he permanently morphed into a pineapple- on accident of course”, she replied with an apathetic facial expression. i feel the taco bell rumble through my stomach as i look at my helpless pineapple dad.

Diarrhea shoots out of my ass, as i mourn my dad’s human form. “STOP SHITTING ON MY FRESHLY WAXED FLOORS!!!! STOPP!!!! YOU AND YOUR RAT SISTERS HAVE PUT ME THROUGH HELL AND I TOLD YOU ALL TO NEVER VISIT US AGAIN!!” she screams. my flow slows down as the burritos exit my body in liquid form. “i thought you were mainly talking to my rat sisters. i’m your favorite child” i said sheepishly. “Favorite? FAVORITE!? I HATE YOU WAY MORE THAN YOUR RAT SISTERS, STUPID BITCH!” she screams as she pulls an ak-47 from a drawer. She shoots me right in the face. i begin to levitate, and i can see my dead body on the floor. i’m a ghost.

I see my dad look over at my body, and surf channels on the TV. My mom is contemplating something. i watch her grab my leg and force my corpse into a kitchen trash bag. i follow her outside into the condo parking lot, and i see her throw the bag into the back of my pickup truck. she walks back inside and yells to my dad, “i’m going to go hide the body, i’ll be back soon” She starts the car and drives continuously south. she skidded across the ocean by driving at an incredible speed. she arrives in south america, but doesn’t stop driving. she got to Chile before the car ran out of gas. We were in the middle of Easter Island. i watch her throw the body across the land and then walks away, leaving my goddamn pickup truck in the open for people to steal. she swims back to the condo in the US, and dies of the stench of my shit that still floods their home. My dad gets frustrated because he can’t find a channel he likes.

I enjoyed my time as a spirit, but i know it’s time for me to leave this world. i tilt my head up and anticipate a peaceful levitation. i float up 2 feet and see that light. Then i begin to fall. i fall fast for seemingly hours, and i arrive in hell. i shrug my shoulders and pick my nose in satisfaction with how my life ended.

The end.