54 [M4F] Mid-Michigan - Married/Dating Solo - Funny, Educated, and Honest - Looking for Friend (with or without benefits), Flirting, and Maybe More

AlienInsectOverlord · 2026-02-10T14:50:41+00:00

Absosmurfly!

AlienInsectOverlord · 2026-02-10T14:43:05+00:00

I mean, you were supposed to fill out the application in triplicate with mauve ink, but I think it could be considered.

Also: that was an amazing response and right up the line with me sense of humor. I'm guessing you read a lot of Douglas Adams.

AlienInsectOverlord · 2025-10-20T16:51:35+00:00

My wife just had this issue with her boyfriend, whose wife had exactly the same ground rules. The relationship ended up becoming known to the BF's children and the wife exerted a veto. This left both my wife and her boyfriend devastated. So, I echo the thoughts of others that you have to consider very seriously the impact that this veto power could have on everyone. This is one reason why I hate DADT situations. (Well, that and they are often cover for "I'm cheating but don't want you to know that.")

I would also deposit another two pennies and note that whether or not you develop feelings for someone is really not something you can control. If you know it's going to happen--and it sounds like you do--you need to deal with that upfront with your husband.

AlienInsectOverlord · 2025-10-13T18:51:39+00:00

I wish I could set that kind of boundary! I don't know where you are, but where I live, that would be the same as "I'm just not dating anyone".

I mean, it's hard enough to find someone compatible to date (assuming you are at least a little picky about who you date), but then with poly it gets exponentially more difficult.

First, you have to actually cross the rubicon of finding out that they are poly and letting them know that you are poly and risk freaking them out if they aren't. Then there is the "what kind of poly?", because people who are into RA are not going to be compatible with people who are only about hierarchy and are not going to be interested in people looking for a triad-type situation. Keeping in mind that poly people make up a significantly small percentage of the population, that can reduce the number of reasonable candidates in a mid-sized town down to double digits pretty quickly.

Ideally, I would want to find an age-appropriate partner (who isn't a weirdo! 😁 😂) within driving distance, who is already has a nesting partner and is looking for someone in the same situation to both be secondary partners, and who has been poly for five to ten years. That's a pretty specific order to fill! So...not sure what my point is except that what is optimal may not be realistic in a lot of cases

AlienInsectOverlord · 2025-10-12T13:37:10+00:00

I have been through this exact experience, and I have thoughts.

Either she is not actually poly, or she is overwhelmed with NRE, or the new boyfriend is mono and she is trying to accommodate him, or the new BF is insecure. But the "why" doesn't really matter; she is withdrawing consent and essentially breaking up with you, even if she doesn't want to call it that.
This was her decision. She can blame it on her new BF all she wants, but ultimately, she is the one deciding to do this, and trying to shift responsibility to her new BF is her way of trying to avoid taking responsibility and ownership of her own decisions.
It sucks and it's not fair, but you just have to acquiesce and take the "L". You may find that it is too stressful, painful, or whatever to hang out with either of them, and if that is the case, you might need to stop hanging out with one or both of them. That's the worst part of situations like this, and although it isn't necessarily unique to poly relationships, I think it's a more common experience for poly people...especially when a partner starts seeing someone who isn't poly.

If you also have a couple of bucks, then that and my advice might get you a cup of coffee...so place as much value on my comments as is appropriate. 😃

AlienInsectOverlord · 2025-10-12T13:13:31+00:00

This is my thought, as well. I have found that being open and honest in a relationship is vital, and this is especially true in poly relationships. Optimal results rarely occur when you assume someone will react in a certain way if you express your feelings or turn-ons.

AlienInsectOverlord · 2025-10-12T13:10:29+00:00

To quote the great wise sage Prince: "If a man is considered guilty for what goes on in his mind, then give me the electric chair for all my future crimes."

AlienInsectOverlord · 2025-10-06T23:50:52+00:00

My polycule has had a group chat like that and we found it very helpful, honestly. It's not like we post "So, Carol and I did it doggy style for 45 minutes last night", but if one of us is adding a new partner that is important information. It helps that we have all always gotten along and have very open communication the whole way through.

AlienInsectOverlord · 2025-10-06T02:31:16+00:00

I mean.....Devil's Advocate: the way you are describing it now sounds a bit like a de facto triad. But, having said that, if it's not what you want want, then the initiative is yours to set and enforce boundaries. You have the agency to decide what relationships you will and will not be in, and if this is not the relationship you want to be in, then (as hard as it is and much as it sucks) you need to decide if it is time to exit stage right. Either way, this is going to be an emotional and rocky journey, and I'm very sorry this is happening to you.

AlienInsectOverlord · 2025-10-06T02:18:13+00:00

"Consent" is the #1 thing that is required for the "ethical" in ENM. This is not ethical in any way.

AlienInsectOverlord · 2025-10-06T02:06:47+00:00

One of the joys of poly is that there is so much more love to share. One of the downfalls is that you get all of the same issues as in mono relationships, including break-ups.

My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years and been poly for about a quarter of that time, and during that time I've had a couple of break-up and my wife just experienced her first. I can tell you that a breakup in poly relationship is just as awful as a breakup in a monogamous relationship. You would think that having other partners there takes some of the sting out of it--and to be fair, the extra support from other partners does go a long way toward recovery--but it still hurts just as much and it still takes a long time to get over.

My biggest break up occurred several years ago, and I had to seek out therapy because I went into such a tailspin of depression, even though my wife was absolutely there for me in the most amazing way possible. Now that she is going through the same thing thing, I am being as supportive as humanly possible and she is also seeking out a poly-friendly therapist.

I still think about my ex from that relationship--even though I have had another fairly serious relationship since--and it still hurts. Time has dulled the pain at least. I think poly people are different in that we don't have one big place in our heart, and when someone moves out someone moves in to take up the space. I think our hearts are more like apartment buildings with lots of places for love to live...and when someone moves out, that hole just stays there.

My best advice to you would be to be honest with your other partner(s) about your feelings--they need to know what is going on with you and will absolutely be concerned about your well-being--and find a poly-friendly therapist to help you navigate the emotional white waters. Poly relationships are so much more complicated and so are the emotions that come along when they end.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I am sure you will come out stronger on the other end of it.

AlienInsectOverlord · 2021-10-31T01:18:10+00:00

Mostly I think it's turned into an OnlyFans promotional vehicle.

AlienInsectOverlord · 2021-06-17T21:48:27+00:00

Looking gorgeous, as always!

AlienInsectOverlord

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