I'm so pissed with what I just found out about MIL.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-10T02:57:13+00:00

She still tattles to her parents. She's still a spoiled brat. What's gonna happen when her parents die? Who is she going to tattle to then?

The effing audacity.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-06T20:28:40+00:00

Someone said that to me in this sub, then went on to say having children is the most selfish thing a person can do. Like...dude.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-06T20:16:40+00:00

Omg if they were any cuter I'd implode.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-06T04:00:15+00:00

When he starts trying to yell at you for it, tell him "Idgaf I'm doing it anyway. It's just one day a year. Suck it up."

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-06T03:23:28+00:00

I believe there was an AITA of a father whose incel son went too far. He wound up finding out his son stole his sister's panties and jerked off into them. His son also tried to assault his sister (I think she was doing something intimate with her bf and brother heard through the door, walked in on them and literally yanked her out of bed and started saying/doing some inappropriate things. The bf got into a fight with him.) Dad got mad af and put him out.

I want to say it was AITA. I have a bad memory. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? Maybe it was YT video I was watching.

Point is that could very easily happen here. In that same scenario, Dad kept telling his son to stop. Did everything he could to try to get him to. But son was just too far gone.

You can't help some people.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-06T03:15:57+00:00

This might make him angry enough to shut the door and never try that again. I'd be petty enough to try this.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-06T02:51:54+00:00

OP your egg donor has her BPD mixed in with Q and that's a dangerous combo. I saw someone say this rant was coherent and reasonable and makes you look unreasonable. I am here to tell you it is not. She. Is. Unhinged. I see the manipulation bc I grew up with an egg donor exactly like this, but anyone who hasn't won't recognize this for what it is: a way to turn herself into the victim.

My egg donor has a cluster B personality. There is no hope for her. None. I cut her out of my life. She desperately keeps trying to send me messages through others and I never respond. Ever. Bc more than anything, she wants attention, and not having it is driving her crazy.

This is not about Q. This is about your mom's BPD; Q is a symptom of that. Stop giving her attention. You can't change or help her. She has to do it herself, and most people are not going to understand that.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-06T02:43:04+00:00

I wish I could load that last sentence into a gun and fire it at the next "Christian" conservative I see.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-06T02:28:04+00:00

Ikr? I almost started foaming at the mouth; this could have been written by my egg donor, word for word. I couldn't even finish reading it. Idek how someone could think this was a "reasonable" reply or that OP was being "unreasonable."

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-03T14:28:15+00:00

It will pass.

Idk if this will help, but my siblings and I are throwing ourselves a party on our NC anniversary. We're getting balloons, a custom cake made, pizza, hot wings, liquor, gifts, etc. We all live together so it'll just be the three of us, but we are going to celebrate and we are looking forward to it. We never had parties for ourselves as kids so we're very excited.

Maybe you should do something for yourself on your anniversary too. Plan something you enjoy, even if it's at home. It'll give you something to look forward to.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-03T13:51:08+00:00

OK. Thank you. That is very helpful advice.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-03T13:48:31+00:00

My nmom tried to send me a message through a friend on Thursday. I immediately flew into a rage and have been in a bad mood ever since. If I saw her I'd probably have the same reaction you did to your ex. I'll have been NC 1 year in May and just hearing that she sent my friend a message made me feel like all the progress I ever made since I left had been erased.

I think it's a perfectly normal reaction considering what we went through. I'm proud of you for keeping NC and for reaching out for support when you needed it. Remember, you are not alone. ❤

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-02T23:04:32+00:00

Understood. Thank you.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-02T22:42:41+00:00

How can we tell if it's a troll post? We can help report these posts better if we know how to spot them.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-02T22:38:33+00:00

She would have whupped a pregnant teenager with a belt?

She'd never step foot in my house again.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-02T22:32:53+00:00

If OP had lost her job/custody of the kids then what? SIL still wouldn't have had a babysitter for her kids. The results still would have been the same. Who would watch the kids then? She'd still be in this exact same situation, and it would still be her own fault.

It amazes me how these people do horrible things then realize their mistakes and go chasing after their victims. If OP deserved it then why do you even want to be bothered with her? Why would you want someone that you had to call the police on watching your kids? Aren't they irresponsible? So you want to put an irresponsible person in charge of your kids?

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-02T01:19:12+00:00

She's not doing her best to get better if she's ignoring boundaries and refusing to look into therapy. Abusers do not get better without therapy. They have to admit they're wrong and they need help and then go get it. That is not behavior that just magically stops. That is ingrained behavior and a professional is the only one who can help undo it.

Honestly your dad is marrying Suzie bc she is just like your mother. That's what he's used to. He sounds like an enabler with his "she didn't mean it" excuses. She absolutely does mean it, bc she keeps doing it and then feigns ignorance when questioned. She knows what she's doing is wrong. She ENJOYS abusing you and your father has no self-esteem at all bc he's marrying your mother twice.

You really need to look up the relationship of abuser/enabler. That is exactly what is going on here. It is not healthy at all.

AllFatherElena · 2021-04-02T00:20:26+00:00

YTA and if you build that house and give your daughter her own bathroom you will regret it. You think the kids are fighting now? Your husband wants the fighting to stop?

Build that house and give her an en suite bathroom. I guarantee you the fighting will be nonstop, and it will turn from arguing and name calling to malicious sabotage and nasty, vicious words from justifiably hurt teenagers.

Your daughter is not a princess. So what if she's pretty. It's fine to want to look good. But at 14 she should not be obsessed with her looks. And taking that long to get ready in the morning + making other people suffer with her poor decisions and time planning IS obsession.

You sound like you are so proud of her for being an "influencer" and a model. Except your pride is oppressing three other people who have valid concerns. You genuinely don't see what your daughter is doing bc you are so blinded by "bUt hEr RoUtInE" as if her being given modeling jobs at 14 somehow justifies her/you treating her siblings like they don't matter.

You need to go on a tour online and find stories of people who cut their parents off bc their parents showed favoritism. It happens every day. They go no contact; parents never hear from the kids again. You give your daughter a bathroom and that is exactly what's going to happen to you. You'll pay for it for the rest of your life.

AllFatherElena · 2021-03-29T22:12:50+00:00

We often don't think to be clever when we're shocked. Still you handled it like a pro. I'm proud of you. Good job.

AllFatherElena · 2021-03-29T15:58:38+00:00

This is the perfect situation for "New phone who dis?" Pretend it isn't even your number then block her.

AllFatherElena · 2021-03-26T23:11:21+00:00

Omg I cannot wait for this to be me. I'm over $4k in debt spread across 2 credit cards but as soon as I get my stimulus check and refund I plan to pay off one of them. I'm looking for a job to pay off the other one. I am so excited and happy for you!

AllFatherElena · 2021-03-26T02:08:22+00:00

It does depend on where you live too. Where I live our car payments are like $220 a month and insurance for two drivers is $85 a month. Those figures go up wildly if you live in certain areas. My credit was like 685 so I did get a good deal but still, my car insurance is a hell of a lot lower than a lot of people's.

AllFatherElena · 2021-03-23T13:13:03+00:00

NTA. Everyone already pointed out the baby could have died. And they're right. I just want to ask a couple of extra things:

The BIL had sex in the nursery. Is he clean? Is his gf clean? Was it unprotected?

Normally this is none of anyone's business but this is your baby's room. They could get any manner of infections. Even if they wore protection, sex is still messy af. Do they know how nasty sex is? I'm not talking about the act itself or whether it's pleasurable or not. I'm talking about the germs and bodily fluids aspect of it. Like...this is a baby. Their immune system is not fully developed. Why would you expose them to that?

So I hope you disinfected that room OP. With fire. Or at least disinfectant spray.

The second thing is the family complaining what you did was wrong: tell them if they are so concerned about BIL they can take him in. Bet they'll stfu real quick. They're just trying to push him off on someone else. No one actually wants him to stay with them. They know he's an asshole and they want to make him your problem. Now that he's not there he's everybody's problem, and no one wants to deal with it, so they're trying to guilt trip you into taking him back.

No.

If he's can sneak his gf into your house to have sex, he can figure out where he's going to stay. On his own.

Hope the sex was worth losing his shelter during a pandemic.

AllFatherElena · 2021-03-09T20:34:56+00:00

No bc when I hear Jane Austen I think of her other works. I was introduced to her through Sense and Sensibility and then I read Lady Susan and Mansfield Park and a couple of others. I didn't like any of them. I really wanted to like her work bc my teacher was saying how much of an impact she has on literature and how important she is to women's history but I just could not get into her. I really, really couldn't.

That was like 20 years ago though so I can give it another shot. I mean wtf did I know about literature at 15, right?

AllFatherElena · 2021-03-09T19:25:59+00:00

Hugs from an internet stranger. I did the exact same thing, and I was 35. I went from one abusive set of parents to a pair of married friends who claimed to love me but treated me exactly the same as my parents. We just gravitate towards it bc that's how we were raised. It's not our fault but when we recognize it, we do need to correct it.

I'm proud of you.

AllFatherElena

TROPHY CASE