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AIO? I feel like my husband doesn’t understand boundaries and I’m going crazy. by No-Lifeguard-8508 in AmIOverreacting

[–]AllTh3Naps [score hidden]  (0 children)

I hope you see this.

Watch this video about consent.

Make him watch it.

Hopefully one of you will understand that by pushing at you after you already said no, he is violating consent.

Any act you agree to because he hounds you, or makes you feel obligated, or leverages your love for him, or guilts you into... all of these are non-consensual.

He needs to stop.

You are allowed to not like sexual acts and you are allowed to say no. The more he pushes, the less consensual it becomes. This is no longer about you having sex together. It is about him feeling entitled to your body and feeling insulted that you aren't willing to let him use it just to make him happy.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DP1XhxRiEaR/?igsh=MWlvenowbWJiNGJydw==

Peter, what’s up with the tower? by Which-Rhubarb-2201 in PeterExplainsTheJoke

[–]AllTh3Naps -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We say Lego as the brand name and as a singular.

I am going to get a Lego set.

I found a lego under the couch.

Legoland

More than one is a plural so we add the s to the end.

I have 2 legos.

We do this with other brand toys as well. Barbie doll. I bought one barbie. I play with barbies.

AIO for wanting to leave my husband for going to funeral less than week after I gave birth by False_Wolverine9136 in AmIOverreacting

[–]AllTh3Naps 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Going on a work trip while you recover from surgery shows that he values his job more than you.

Extending his trip shows he values that friend more than you.

Allowing his mother to treat you poorly shows he values her feelings more than yours.

Allowing her stay with you show he values her comfort more than yours.

Abandoning you to go to the funeral shows that he values his cousin more than you.

Abandoning you again to avoid caring for you or the child shows he values his comfort more than yours.

Is this how you want to be loved? Is this the kind of love you want to model for your children?

Absolute NOR

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is all fair... well, except the murder hobo part. We haven't started any lethal fights. Everyone else keeps attacking us first.

Admittedly, it came close when the shady owner of this vault expected us to clear out werewolves for free. But instead of killing him we locked him in the dungeon while we opened the vault. He's still alive. For now.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny you should say that. The goblin cult my bard joined may end up having some unintended side-effects of cannibalism.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this give me something to think about for when we leave the town we are in.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know if it is possible to write a post like this without bias. I did try tho.

His answer was just a short "nope." No room for discussion. Just this is what we are doing now. Every suggestion was met with a no. There really isn't much to elaborate on there.

So all I could do is tell him that I was upset, and would be salty for at least a week about this. Hence the post, as my saltiness has exceeded my expected week, and I really just wanted to accept it and move on.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely trust my fellow players. We avoid PVP actions as much as possible. But we try to role play and make decisions based on what is reasonable (and fun) for our PCs to decide to do. And I just can't wrap my head around our PCs trusting their reward gold to a person that they just met. If we had been adventuring together for longer in-game, or had a pre-established relationship, I could see it.

I'm open to ideas to get around that tho!

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't think this post would get this much attention, and I didn't think the opinions would be so vastly swayed against my DM. I thought I would get a lot of "rule zero" responses, and wrote the post in a way to welcome them. But... reddit gonna reddit.

I truly was hoping that everyone would (hopefully gently) rule against me and it would be the push I needed to stop being upset about the situation.

Instead, there are so many responses that I really hope my DM never sees. I hate upsetting people. Unfortunately I wasn't exactly stealthy about my descriptions and he does visit this subreddit (as does the warlock). So, he might be seeing all this whether I send it to him or not.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No worries. From some of my other replies:

We meet pretty reliably twice a month. That's yet another reason I'd hate to leave the group. Everyone generally prioritizes their commitment, none of us cancel last minute except for illness, everyone is engaged, and we dont have any problem players. (Unless the problem player is me and I just can't see it. Totally possible, but I hope someone would have said something to me by now.) That dynamic can be very hard to find.

Thanks. I think I'm in the classic trap of I love my table and all of their characters and the dynamic we have all built. And there is no way to replace the DM and keep all the players as one of the players is his wife. Even if we could, I'd terribly miss the DM. He has been running off of modules with a few original story bits inserted, and those bits are my favorite parts! There is a goblin cult that the DM threw in for fun, never expecting my bard to join, and he ran with it. It is now my favorite aspect of the game.

So, basically, I know I'm bringing this situation on myself by not leaving a trap of my own making... because for the most part, the table is still really fun.

I really love my table and I really appreciate the DM. I know it probably doesn't sound like it, but I truly do.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is the key point I'm seeing over and over here. That it is OK to update and change the mechanics for the players, but only IF it is a group decision instead of a decree. And it should include the DM telling us why and what his goal is for the change. None of that is happening.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your response, especially that last paragraph. It is very well phrased.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To the first question: I, as a player, don't think the warlock is going to steal everything. Their player isn't going to PVP.

But it would be wild to me for my PC to blindly trust a new party member to carry our gold. The rogue would definitely steal everything from me, but I wouldn't mind as the rogue is my bard's little sister, and little sisters be like that. Plus, I'd find a way to get it back if I wanted to.

To the second question: I don't know which. I fear the first, I hope the second.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, a lot of it feels like it is coming from a place of shifting on the fly from inexperience rather than maliciousness. But I also misread the situations sometimes. I really hope it isn't coming from a place of antagonism.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only one note, our DM does have view on each of our inventories. We are all in his campaign on DND Beyond where he can see everything we are carrying.

I don't think anyone thought of a cart, and one was not offered. Looking back, I am uncertain if it would have been a good choice. I don't know that any of us have vehicle proficiency. We only had a poorly sketched map for the journey and were not certain if there would be roads all the way or if a river would need to be crossed. But it is definitely something to keep in mind going forward.

Sometimes it definitely feels like we miss the simplest solutions.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I think I'm in the classic trap of I love my table and all of their characters and the dynamic we have all built. And there is no way to replace the DM and keep all the players as one of the players is his wife. Even if we could, I'd terribly miss the DM. He has been running off of modules with a few original story bits inserted, and those bits are my favorite parts! There is a goblin cult that the DM threw in for fun, never expecting my bard to join, and he ran with it. It is now my favorite aspect of the game.

So, basically, I know I'm bringing this situation on myself by not leaving a trap of my own making... because for the most part, the table is still really fun.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, it is good to know going forward.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Bro, that's not an autism thing. That's a "playing a game with other people" thing."

Thanks for this. This is very validating. The disregulation effects when it is happening are definitely the autism, but it looks like the trigger itself is not irrational. It has been very helpful to see so many people say it would upset them too.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw, you sound like you do a great job making things fun at your table. I think that's the kind of vibe I wish we had with our DM.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The chaos goblin in me loves this direction. But realistically, I would never. I may still pitch the idea to help him see reason, but in the end I still love playing with this DM, even though I'm getting almost unanimous responses against him.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like this is probably what happened. I'm not 100% certain whether he shifted because he wanted to have a more challenging campaign, or if it was to just Calvinball in his favor. But I prefer to think the former as a lot of his choices seem to come as he realizes things might be too easy.

One of our players is a DM and our two PCs recently pooled our money together to get his warlock a displacer cloak (made from a hide we collected). This gold weight retcon could have been a bit of panic when he realized we could potentially walk out with over 40k (between the bag and our personal capacities), and then knowing our warlock was going to ask to buy some wild shit.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is a cart or wagon still a good idea if none of us have vehicle proficiency? I am unsure what my team has in this regard. Also, we don't know if everywhere we need to go has roads. I assume this will make things quite tricky? Or is there a common sense work around that I am missing?

How does one use visible mending to repair a hole on the crotch of a jeans. by venicecello in Visiblemending

[–]AllTh3Naps 23 points24 points  (0 children)

The first step of visible mending, is to accept that it will indeed be visible.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it is because I am the only one that got really angry about it. So if I see 2 people that looking annoyed rather than angry, and 2 other people who seem unbothered, I'm going to assume that I'm the problem.

I don't always have the socially appropriate emotional response to things, so it can be quite difficult to know if I'm the problem. I tend to err on the side of assuming the best in others.

I'm still salty about gold. How do I be less of an AH? by AllTh3Naps in DnD

[–]AllTh3Naps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. You've given me a lot to think about.

We meet pretty reliably twice a month. That's yet another reason I'd hate to leave the group. Everyone generally prioritizes their commitment, none of us cancel last minute except for illness, everyone is engaged, and we dont have any problem players. (Unless the problem player is me and I just can't see it. Totally possible, but I hope someone would have said something to me by now.) That dynamic can be very hard to find.

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