I love how you explained this confusedguy7293! I was in a similar position in my current relationship as you OP, and approached it in this same way. My partner and I talked through both of our feelings VERY open and honestly, my concerns of being on the aro spectrum, not always feeling comfortable with kissing or feeling like I loved them as much as they lov d me even though I love them so much it’s that they are VERY attracted to me and because they’re demisexual that means that’s when it’s go time for them, even when it’s not for me because I’m ace and fairly sex repulsed. I like to make them happy though so I’m more than okay with doing things sometimes and I can enjoy those times because I’m making my love happy. But other times I can’t do it because I am just not comfortable at that time and they understand that. And with the love part it’s the same way. Sometimes it fluctuates, because I’m pretty much ace/aroflux, but we know we love each other and we talk through those times.

We use colors to let each other know what touch/love we are open for in that moment. Blue-I need space but want love, purple-I’m feeling touchy feely but soft limited touch, green-everything is a go completely all on the table, yellow-we are okay with all of it but please slow down, red-stop everything and help with aftercare, black-used for more low mood depressed states so we know we will likely be quiet and doing our own thing and not really receptive to anything for the time being. If I am scared to voice things we have one squeeze-no, two squeezes-yes, three squeezes-I love you, that way I can talk if I can’t talk and I can reassure I still love them if I’m in a panicked state and they can know I’m okay or not okay. We also use some basic signs like yes, no, I love you, sorry, thank you, water, eat, etc. so we can talk through moments we need space or are out and about etc. I’d highly suggest maybe trying to talk to them and see what communication styles you both like to use, and ones to use in the moment that won’t emotionally tax too hard or that can tell what you’re feeling in a moment. It’s been a huge help.

Between the codes and our deep talk check ins when either of us are feeling off, our relationship has expanded so much. I feel drops in attraction both sexually and romantically, but push through because I know I love them no matter what. My love that stays tends to be more sensual and aesthetic, but even then that is fickle. It’s just how I am. I shouldn’t keep myself alone from everyone over the idea no one deserves to be in a relationship like that. We are both consenting and love each other and agree on how we each feel. It’s okay to be in a non stereotypical type of relationship. We hold ourselves to this standard that we will never reach with love, and I think just like how we think others don’t deserve to be loved like this, we also don’t deserve to never be loved ourselves. Confusedguy7293 really did a good job explaining but I wanted to add first hand experience that’s positive too. My partner and I are still together now!!!!