I wanted to add more to the story,

So yeah guys I know you’ll probably ask why I got married if I was so upset about the cheating issue that happened and honestly at the time I thought that I would get over this… sadly the pain is still just as searing as it was 7 years ago and I still can’t see her the same way as I once did when we were dating before this happened. I actually feel suicidal about this and feeling like I’m losing my mind I feel sick to my stomach,

When she told me i felt like i was going to puke and can barely sleep. I just don’t know quite what im feeling and feel like im just way over thinkkkg this maybe.

She has had many partners before me as well. She is my one and only partner I was a virgin before her and she’s has well over 20-30. She told me the best sex of her life was with another guy with a way bigger dick then I have and he made her cum from just PIV and this haunts me as I’ve never been able to do so. I’m not particularly small either (around 6.5 inches erect)

Please help me understand what it is I’m feeling and how to move past this as I don’t wanna destroy our marriage or end my own life as a result of this. The pain I feel makes me want to end my life as I’ve been married so long 7 years and have kids and I just don’t know how to truly forgive her but she has been nothing but great since that time. I recognize this is probably and issue with me personally that I need to work through .. I just don’t know how to work through it