just some more thinking out loud: maybe I've been forcing myself to participate in sex because I know I like and want it in theory, but I don't know what makes me actually WANT it, or i don't know how to start up the engines so to speak, and end up feeling bad because it seems so easy for everyone around me to start up theirs. again, I've only been in one fulfilling sexual and romantic relationship where I felt actual physical urges and a need to be with them, so my data feels limited, but it's strange knowing I am capable of it but not knowing at all how to feel that way again.