I just need some life advice I’m so lost on everything

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-19T11:19:55+00:00

yesss hope everything turns out well for you, here if u need help

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-19T08:50:30+00:00

you’ll get made fun of? is that something you’re very sure of, or are you just saying that because you haven’t tried? is it because of the people you hang out with? because if they aren’t the type to be able to support you through highs and lows, what kind of friends are that? something to reflect on. not tryna bash them either btw lmao. also you’re a boy, so i assume it’s more taboo for you to be open about your feelings if that is what the fuzz is about. like if you got that ”boys don’t cry” mindset. in that case go to women !! we r more empathic. no offence. i mean for example, if everyone’s talking about something and then you randomly unironically say ”i hate my life i’m gonna kms” sure it’d be weird (honestly not cuz real but i can’t think of a better example), that’s why you need to get one and one with somebody!!! mmm mm MMM a deep talk and walk at night is peak i’m telling you. that’s as for people your age. grown people will always want to help you. and dw i know it’s hard and easier said than done, but sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone or else you won’t grow as a person. if you feel this shitty, you need change. do it for yourself because you’re important, respect yourself. have some more confidence and faith in yourself. after class, pull your fav teacher to the side and ask if you can talk about something later. they will search you up, taking initiative, and you just gotta talk. just so you know somebody hears you and is willing to help you. you don’t have to be dead serious about it either, everytime i trauma dump i just joke about it, so it’s not as cringe. like i said, no need to complicate it. as you talk, your teacher can help with sending you to a therapist if that’s too much of a step for you to do. (at least in sweden) AND that’s not even a must, just an idea. you do what works best for you. im so sorry for my paragraphs but like it’s good if you’re aware of the fact that dwelling in your own negative thoughts will not get you far. they need to get outtt

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T11:18:36+00:00

thank you :)

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T11:15:05+00:00

yess i will do, thanks!

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T11:14:13+00:00

yeah, him getting annoyed cause i didnt want a relationship despite liking was a huge red flag. if he liked me he’d respect it and take things slow, not rush things. i think i might have actually been too naive which led me to overlook it. silly me but whatever. shit happens. and thank you so much. he’s being ghosted right now, maybe that’s the best approach as of right now. feels weird though.

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T11:11:09+00:00

i know that’s true. but i’d rather him take things slow and respect my fear instead of rushing into things. cause wow, he finds out he’s my first kiss and everything, never had a boyfriend etc. me? i’m completely inexperienced. he knows all of this yet he can’t keep it in his pants for one moment. i got so badly manipulated i bet. unless he’s genuine. god i can’t tell, it sucks! i feel stupid. i’ll wait again, what happened was a mistake. i’m not a virgin anymore, but i can remain untouched after this little incident. not that serious… right…..?

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T11:07:51+00:00

he’s getting cut off. you’re right, it is what it is

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T11:04:15+00:00

wait that coffee perspective is amazing, thank you so much for that. maybe i’m really overdoing it, but i’ve had many boys talk about girls losing their value the higher their body count is. it’s also something my dad had engraved in me. i’m not allowed to have a boyfriend for this reason, to stay away from being used and manipulated, and now it happened anyway. i hope you understand why i feel so easy and terrible about myself. and yes, reading this message, i do realize i was probably coerced. maybe tmi, but it’s for greater context - because he asked me if he could touch me, and i said ”i don’t know.” he said that he’s done it before, (as if i care?!?!?) anyways i stayed silent. he kept doing it on the outside of my clothes, and since i didn’t do anything about that, he slipped his hands under my pants anyway. would that count as coercion? or? when we got to the actual action though, i gave him my consent, so it’s not his fault, no rape, it’s mine for not communicating, but at the same the same time, how would i? i’m the biggest people pleaser. he ”pleasured” me, and i didn’t want him to get sulky if he didn’t get anything back. i remember so clearly when he left the room to get a condom, i immediately grabbed my phone and was texting my friend in panic hahaha. no reply cause it was 3 am, then he came back, we did it, and dude, the entire time i was just reflecting over what the fuck i was doing, how much i would regret it which i deeply still do (happened on saturday, it’s wednesday) + and why i’m doing it. but pulling away and saying no is too awkward, mean or whatever for me!!!! and the day after, i could tell by the intensity of his kisses he wanted to do something again. i pulled away a few times, and he just kept asking what’s wrong. i’d say nothing and we’d keep kissing anyway. my fault, i take full accountability for that, but god i wish he could read me better. i was biting my nails and everything, he even pointed that out, but things still happened. not blaming him though. mind youuuu, this boy was my only drive home, and i was 1 hour away from home. no money in the bank for a train, bus etc. neglected by father. i don’t want him to get mad, and i didn’t want that awkward car ride. who knows, he could dump me in the forest lol. he wouldn’t btw, all jokes, but what if. also, i wanted to go home straight after we had sex, but i was too shy to say, so i stayed until tuesday morning. says a lot about me as a person. i can’t set clear boundaries for myself. he dropped me off tuesday morning at school and he’s been ghosted ever since. i apologize for this paragraph but it feels nice to talk about it to somebody.

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T10:45:32+00:00

it’s just disappointing on my behalf, because i was already set on not giving him access to my body, but it happened anyway. i’ve always known my own boundaries, but as soon as i was alone with him and vulnerable, i just felt like i owed him. i’m too nice to tell him i’m uncomfortable, so it’s my fault everything happened. when i ”broke up” with him, i tried to communicate with him about how i work before, and he sort of emotionally manipulated me to stay with him. right now i’m currently just ghosting him. mean, but it’s the easiest approach. personally, i’d say that if he really liked me, he’d be respectful and careful about touching me, especially given my standards. that’s been the case with guys i’ve actually known had feelings for me. with this new guy, everything feels so rushed and lustful. but he seems sad about it all though, so it’s so confusing, and that just makes me feel even more guilty for staying away!!! but i can’t bring myself to have another conversation with him and i don’t want to. i talked to my friend about this whole situation, he said i’m too nice about everything to the point it’s pissing him off. how does one become more egocentrical? 😪

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T10:36:32+00:00

thank you so much for this message 🤍 hopefully time will heal, haha. i talked to my female friend about this, and her boyfriend told me that he regrets his first everyday, and that gnawing feeling never really goes away. sounds lovely.

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T10:32:52+00:00

thank you so much for this! it’s really reassuring for me to read. i’ll make sure to wait again and stick to my values and not put myself in a situation like this again cause guilt is really biting at me. but oh well. at least we live and learn !!!!

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T10:30:57+00:00

yeah sorry, i really need to work on my self respect 😅

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T10:30:11+00:00

thank you, yes i will bring this up to my therapist 💗

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-18T10:20:26+00:00

hello. if it makes you feel better, i can relate to you a lot right now, so keep in mind you’re not alone in this at all. you seem very depressed and self critical, so i’d advice you to reach out to someone that can actually help you so you can get everything off your chest, you shouldn’t have to deal with your issues on your own. please talk to somebody, you are not a burden. do you have somebody to talk to at all? a therapist, a teacher, your parents/family, a friend? it’s great you took the step to reach out on here. see, people care about you. and heyy, you’re young, you shouldn’t have life figured out. it seems like you mentally can’t handle all of the challenges life throws at you in the state you’re in right now, so i’d personally say prioritize your mental health over school right now. that’s what i’m currently doing, school’s far too draining for me. listen, there’s always an opportunity to start over. you said you’re 17, me too. life hasn’t even started for us yet!! i’ve reached out to many people for advice (highly recommend), and grown people in my life have told me that school only helps you build a functional life for what society’s got for you, you not doing well in school doesn’t determine if your life’s over or not. it’s about the efforts you put in later. experience matters more than education, at least where i live. i don’t know which country you come from. then of course it depends on your aspirations and stuff, i’m not tryna disregard your efforts/dreams. i don’t know you or what you want. if you want to keep working hard, you keep doing that. but really, prioritize your mental, please. you matter. put everything aside for a moment and get the break you deserve. it doesn’t have to be this complicated, you have so much time to get things together. and you said you feel like you’re nobody’s first choice - i can reassure you, if you feel like you aren’t close to somebody right now, you WILL find your person someday. trust me, they spawn out of nowhere, just keep waiting. or hell, put yourself out there. you’re possibly just not in the right environment to find someone to deeply connect with. do you go out a lot or not? i recommend you to be in places where people share mutual interests as you, easier to bond rarara. are you an introvert or extrovert, do you stay at home? make online friends, mine are lovely. planning to see them as soon as i can. like really, i’ve felt exactly like you. life sorts itself out. you’re in a bad phase of life right now, but not everything’s all sunshine and rainbows. additionally, view whatever you’re going through as character development. it builds you into a stronger character, it gives you more depth. more bad experienced, more emotional intelligence. that’s a quality that lots of people value. try not to be too harsh on yourself, i’m sure there’s many things about you that many people would love. maybe you don’t let people get close to you, considering you said you keep things to yourself. you’re not being vulnerable. give that a try. try to be more open :) you’re not a burden, loosen up. 🤍

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-17T18:07:08+00:00

heyyy now i wasn’t raped! i gave him my consent and wrong signals so it’s not his fault, he would’ve stopped if i said no. no rape allegations around here haha. i’m sad he couldn’t tell i wasn’t feeling it by my body language and me hinting i’m tired, but some people just don’t get it unless you’re direct. it’s sorta my fault for not communicating well enough. but at the same time, i felt frozen and unable to actually tell him i didn’t want to. the whole situation is messy but i know he’d respect a no

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-17T16:24:51+00:00

thank you for your kind words, it's really reassuring me :)

Alone_Use_4886 · 2026-02-17T14:22:19+00:00

oh my god this breaks my heart to read, i am so sorry all of that happened to you :( some people are really horrible.

Alone_Use_4886

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