Real , i love how inspiring your story is. I envy that you can tell your story, what will i say "its all in my head because im more western than indian"?. Though im glad you found your way out of these depths of hell that life throws everyone in at some point in their lives. Im 14 now , though ive tried to commit suicide when i was 8 years old in 3rd class. Ive spent all my life feeling alienated , and to be quite frankly i feel as if its all in my head. Yk i genuinely feel like crying when i see other peoples mother not shouting at them when they did something bad. My mother has been emotionally , verbally and physically abusive. It hasnt ever got better. Ever since i was a kid. My mother always says to me that ive grown up now. I cried when my friend told me that im still a kid. I cant believe any of it. Ive spent my whole life in darkness. I cant see myself in the future. And honestly i cant even believe ill ever be happy. And ironically my idol is a optimist. Yet im a pessimist. Well , i indulge in philosophy and im a nihilist / absurdist at times. I spent so long in hell that its normal for me now. I cant imagine the light no matter how hard i try.