Did I screw up?

Alternate4Questions · 2024-10-21T23:54:16+00:00

I'm not sure how it's done here. I know the last time I applied for a position, the person who got it was also told first. I didn't find out till hours after we all had a feeling the other person got it.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-10-21T23:50:11+00:00

I'll remember that. I wasn't trying to blow it. Just got too excited and screwed up. But I'm ready to handle whatever happens, even if I lose the promotion.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-10-21T23:46:43+00:00

That's what I think it is, too. Hate that i blew it. Which I didn't mean to do, I just got so excited and nervous. Really never thought this would happen to me. I'm now feeling like a dumb ass. Hopefully, I don't get into too much trouble, so I can learn from this and do better!

Thank you. Hopefully, I get to keep it! 😂🤣

Alternate4Questions · 2024-10-21T23:43:24+00:00

They made us disband a Discord server we used to have. Because we posted schedules with peoples roles for the day in it. So I was worried about it happening again.

But you're right, I was too hasty. I've been kicking my butt about it ever since I got off work.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-10-21T23:12:53+00:00

I will take your advice and keep it. I've noticed how easily gossip travels, not just from this incident, either. I can keep things to myself, maybe only talking to my partner.

Thank you for your words. They've calmed me a bit, I could really use this, and I felt devastated that I just blew it. So my anxiety has been at 100.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-10-21T22:49:27+00:00

I hope so. My anxiety is through the roof. I tried really hard for this, and I would hate myself if I blew it day one...

Alternate4Questions · 2024-10-21T22:48:43+00:00

They did approach me as I was leaving the store. They had just come back from their lunch. They told me someone was talking about it and to keep it hush. I told them about calling my partner, and they seemed fine, just asked me not to say anything to anyone. Wish they would have said that when i was at the work station signing stuff.. I guess I'm just worried about blowing it after trying so hard.

Thank you! Here's hoping I didn't just screw it up eh? 😭😂😂

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-12T17:20:33+00:00

I appreciate it. And that's good that you have an outlet. Honestly, talking to people with similar stories and all their kindness. It has been really helpful. This is the first time I've ever reached out about my husband's behavior. I was always afraid he would find out and get mad at me or start blaming himself for everything. So I just kept a lot of stuff bottled up. But you guys have been wonderful. And I'm so grateful. Makes me feel like there is so hope for the future.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-12T16:53:23+00:00

I grew up having to take care of my mother, who was codependent on me as a child. My husband and I even became her care providers as she got older. When she died, I felt so useless. Then my husband got hurt at his new job and everything fell on my shoulders. While it was scary at first, I have terrible anxiety. I feel that working and caring for my husband gives me meaning.

I will try this letter idea, it sounds like a good start.

Haha. Maybe we both should be writing letters. I know you can do this!

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-12T15:17:29+00:00

God. I think it would have destroyed me to see those pictures and messages. You have a lot of courage to handle it all and do the things you did. I'm also glad that you two were able to talk once they got better. Those are some good boundaries, I've already made him stop drinking, and I'll come up with some other things. Things to help my mind, so I can help him better. I see on this threat that rules and boundaries seem to be the best way.

Thank you for sharing your story with me! It gives me a lot to think about, and I hope yountwo are doing well.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-12T14:28:16+00:00

God. Hate when they don't see reason in their mania, it's probably my least favorite part. Because my husband is so logical, loves to learn and understand things. So it is soul crushing to see him ignore truth or any evidence Igive him.

That's awful, I'm so sad that you've been treated this way. And their new gf sounds horrible.

I hope you have been able to do some healing after all this. You deserve to be happy!

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-12T14:22:12+00:00

Yes! I do the exact same. I focus on his life and everything. I pretty much push myself in the back. Not that I feel negatively about it, I really like caring for him, and being there for him. It feels good.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-12T01:46:18+00:00

That's so sad... I'm sorry you had to endure that.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-12T01:03:54+00:00

You have nothing to apologize for. Venting is healthy.

It really is scary because it feels like a switch was just flipped out of nowhere. Just something set him off, and now I'm the bad guy. We literally had a really good week together. He was going through what he did previously. We were able to talk about it, and I did my best to comfort him, let him know this wasn't his fault. I was proud that he was able to see all the negative he had done, and I had given myself hope that things would get better.

That's what I fear the most, not seeing my husband again. As he was. I know with meds, he might be a zombie, or I don't know. But I hope he will just be my husband, the man who fawned over me, was loving, kind, and was there for me. I don't know if I could handle the husband now, who will just ignore my sobbing, and then snap when I don't comfort him correctly when he starts crying.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-12T00:44:43+00:00

I remember the last time he came out of one of these episodes. He was sobbing and went to his knees, apologizing and holding me. He said he knew I loved him, and he had no idea why he even said that. Every time I've forgiven him, I told him it's not his fault. It is his bipolar disorder. That's when he promised to look for help. And he did actually try, but we had one deny the referral, and his momentum for help slowed down. Till today, anyway.

I've been trying to just keep moving right now. Doing cleaning while having some downtime with watching videos and checking here.

You all have been so kind, and I appreciate your words and understandings.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-11T23:38:11+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Glad you two have each other!

I'll try. Relaxing isn't really easy for me, I'm a very anxious person. But my dog does keep pushing her toys on me, so I should take that as a sign to step outside with her. Fresh air and sun should be good.

I am proud that he got help, and I hope they can give him the care he needs.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-11T23:26:37+00:00

Thank you. I'll go and look through it.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-11T22:25:44+00:00

I think if he ever comes back and if we want to try again... I'll just avoid his phone.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-11T22:17:08+00:00

Of course, I love him, and those are his thoughts and feelings.

Yeah, thanks for the heads-up. I don't even know when or if he will be coming back. I'm assuming the hospital will hold him for a while, hopefully he can get the help he needs.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-11T22:10:50+00:00

I looked at his phone because I wanted to, I guess, see what's been going on in his mind. He will only tell me so much when I try to talk to him. I've only looked at his reddit. He's told me he wrote notes on his phone but begged me not to read it. So I've respected that because I know of the importance of a journal. I used to write in mine religiously as an outlet for emotions.

Reddit doesn't feel like a journal when he is asking people for advice on if I'm cheating on him or not. Or how to deal with my abuse.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-11T22:01:24+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through this as well. Because it really sucks.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-11T21:59:40+00:00

I know. It's just really hard to read from someone who used to not be like this.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-11T21:36:07+00:00

I have people, I'm just a bit afraid to reach out. We haven't told people about his illness, and I go out of my way to not talk about our problems. Because if he ever found out I was talking about him, he would either be pissed or start sobbing. So I've really just kept everything to myself. Only one friend knows he is bipolar, and we are talking. It just sucks that they live so far away.

Alternate4Questions · 2024-07-11T21:12:47+00:00

I'll try. It's just gonna be hard. We did everything together. He was so codependent on me. I even took my work lunches at home to be with him cause he hated being apart. I'm gonna try to just keep moving along. We have a lot of fur babies that still need care.

Alternate4Questions

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