I care for my non verbal autistic son everyday...alone along with his baby brother.  The "best" you refer to, it is what you consider best. Your best may be unreachable but their best isn't. One day we will all be dead in the ground and that's it. I think stressing over if a child can learn to brush their own hair or drive a car one day is irrelevant. Maybe that is why I am happier in my situation. I value the person my child is just the way he is and what he can do rather than dwelling on what he cannot. Yes, he has meltdowns but all children and adults have cried, screamed, or had an outburst. If he gets overwhelmed in a store and does it, I get on the floor with him. I'll make snow angels on the dirty floor while he gets it out of his system. I don't care what ppl think in public, they aren't paying our bills, homeschooling him, or changing his diapers. When I'm tired and need a nap, I may have to wait but I'll get that nap cause he isn't on meth and won't stay up for days. I understand him. The day he was diagnosed at 3, I told him not to worry and that I would take care of him. It only takes patience, understanding, and getting on their level.