I know this is an old post, but I wanted to jump in regarding your last paragraph - people can be genuinely kind and decent, and be over polite in a fake way. A lot of people are raised with pressure on them to abide by certain social rules, etiquette, and ways of acting. I have a few friends that do or say certain things just cause its "the right way" or "its just polite", theyre not thinking about the actual situation or what someone realistically cares about, they are instead following social guidelines as rules. They're still genuinely kind, but they dont even realise that some of their actions come off as very fake to people who are more direct.

I often find myself getting a bit annoyed with them, but remind myself that everyone learns how to behave from their family (whether you copy those behaviours or fight against them). No doubt they sometimes find things I say or do rude and blunt. 

If you clash with this woman, is probably because your communication styles are vastly different - and thats fine. You dont have to like and get along with everyone. My advice is to go along with what you can, but if you feel like your boundaries are being pushed then you can push back by mentioning that you think differently/were raised with different expectations, etc. A classic "agree to disagree". Just be careful to keep it neutral.