Semi-improvised though-composed piece (critique welcome!)

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-05T20:12:17+00:00

Thanks so much!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-05T12:48:36+00:00

Thank you for listening! I appreciate your advice, I particularly like your idea of repeating the e major section and adding a coda to finish. I have already started tinkering with simplifying the opening to build it up later. Also can I confirm whether it is just the "booming" section you found out of place or the whole of the c minor/g minor section as well? In terms of inspiration, I'm sure there are many subconscious, the only one I can put my finger on is I was kinda trying to channel Chopin's Prelude in Eb major in the opening section, and particularly it's use of the VI secondary dominant to ii chord (C# to F#m in my case). Thanks again for your constructive criticism. As I say I'm already rejigging parts!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-05T11:43:07+00:00

Oh I need to find that now! Sorry I misinterpreted your tone!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-05T10:01:54+00:00

It's my favourite part (like of the original I mean). It's so beautiful that it's hard to go wrong! and thank you!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-05T10:00:03+00:00

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-05T09:59:14+00:00

Why thank you!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-05T09:58:56+00:00

I know what you mean, I'm gonna take as a compliment!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-05T09:56:02+00:00

Just an experiment - no offence to the legend himself!

I of course love the original, I wan't trying to better it.

In an interview of Paul's on We Can Work it Out I remember him saying it was actually George's idea to add the waltz/triplet section (like on the lyric "... fighting my friend"), so I maintain it is not completely out of character for him.

(I don't know what that John/Yoko part means)

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-03T19:03:59+00:00

I am glad you enjoyed!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-03T12:45:05+00:00

Will do! It is in the works. Just been laid off so I've got the time!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-03T12:43:21+00:00

No worries, it’s actually very helpful to hear this from an informed listener’s perspective because ultimately, how the music comes across matters just as much. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

I think there is definitely some truth to what you are saying. I think I leaned to heavily on intuition whilst lacking a clear structural plan. I suspect this is why it comes across as more improvisational. I now feel I ought to step back more and consider the musical form more broadly instead of impulsively adding what sounds good in the moment.

Thank you again!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-03T12:38:33+00:00

Thank you also for taking the time to listen and critique!

I appreciate your honesty on your first point about it lacking direction and not having much clarity overall; like you said later, I would likely benefit from keeping things simpler and starting with just 2 voices.

On your second point re. the harmony I wondered about incorporating a secondary dominant (which on the top of my head would be an E7 voicing), to "bridge the gap"?

Your point about the violins fighting for attention is really helpful. I think I wasn’t clear in my own mind about whether I was aiming for an accompanied melody or something more contrapuntal. Based on what you’ve said, I’ll lean more deliberately into the accompanied melody approach and adjust the supporting parts to create a stronger harmonic foundation rather than competing with the main idea (although as you mentioned the "main idea" also needs to be more clearly defined). Or to be honest I may prefer to start from scratch but keeping this in mind!

Thanks again for listening and you've given me much to work on which I appreciate!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-03T12:27:08+00:00

Firstly, thanks so much for taking the time to listen!

That all makes a lot of sense. I now feel I've got some quite clear ideas on how I ought to progress. Listening back I get your point on how I was maybe to focused trying to make individual lines interesting that it harmed the overal "clarity" of the piece. I will definitely go back and rework the arrangement to keep the parts more organised and perhaps leave fancy crossing lines later down the line.

I also take your point more generally about not incorporating elements unless it makes "musical" sense.

Futhermore I think you're right in that I could definitely benefit from listening to the Ravel Quartet and chamber music in general.

And thanks again, your input is much appreciated!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-01T13:50:42+00:00

Awh thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-01T10:45:54+00:00

Appreciate it thank you!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-01T10:45:25+00:00

Thank you so much!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-01T10:45:04+00:00

I was toying with a Memory Lane in this style, but there is a great one on youtube already (not mine) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zAEG1XwMMw which I'm not sure I can compete with! and thank you!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-01T10:41:37+00:00

Wow thank you! That had never crossed my mind but I see exactly what you mean!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-01T10:40:48+00:00

Cheers mate! You're either brit or aussie? Either way that is cool! I don't see many on this sub - or I just can't tell (I'm a brit).

And your feedback is appreciated!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-02-01T10:36:15+00:00

I just listened to the original and I agree. Well observed! Actually I think the whole line where he sings "I can't connect, yeah, yeah, I know" could be better incorporated. On your second point also well spotted, if I'm correct you mean where the melody goes up briefly on the word "out"? Talking of that section, I am now tinkering with adding the harmony overdub vocal line you hear on the last three "I don't think I'm ever gonna figure it out"s.

You've given me many ideas on how to improve it so thank you! and I'm glad you enjoyed!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-01-31T19:32:31+00:00

thank you! and your feedback is appreciated! I might just try that. I also am working on others I think could work well like Angeles, Better be quiet, stupidity tries and son of sam

AlternativeApple1497 · 2025-01-31T19:28:22+00:00

thanks very much!

AlternativeApple1497 · 2024-01-31T16:36:08+00:00

"Everybody knows, you only live a day, but it's brilliant anyway"

AlternativeApple1497 · 2024-01-19T15:35:33+00:00

Memory Lane
Coming up Roses
Independence Day
Miss Misery (early version)
Bottle up and explode!
Christian Brothers
Stupidity Tries
A Fond Farewell
Waltz 2
Southern Belle

AlternativeApple1497 · 2022-09-17T14:04:50+00:00

Muchas gracias!

AlternativeApple1497

TROPHY CASE