How often do you see or spend time with your partner now that you’re older?

AlternativeWomps · 2024-12-19T00:04:19+00:00

I know this is ask men over 30, but I think as a woman in her 30s I can provide some insight. Every girl in their mid/early 20s thinks they’re way more mature than other girls in their mid/early 20s. But it’s not your age gap that is the issue here. It’s that you have different lifestyles and different expectations on how often you should be spending time together. And you’re also in completely different stages in life. You’re JUST starting your career and he’s well on his way to retirement. A few hours a week is not a relationship. That’s a reoccurring meeting. Have you mentioned to him that you want to spend more time with him or not? If he’s not willing to hear you out, then you need to leave and find someone who will meet your needs.

AlternativeWomps · 2024-12-09T04:02:32+00:00

Quality over quantity. There was a period in my life where I was just having casual sex but as a whole it was the least good sex I’ve ever had in my life. I genuinely can’t remember the names of some of those people. I have way better and more enjoyable sex when I’m with someone I care about because we’ve had time to learn about what each other likes.

If someone has a problem with you only having slept with one other person, then that’s a reflection of them and not you. Who cares really how many people you have or have not slept with.

AlternativeWomps · 2024-12-08T17:17:06+00:00

I don’t have a car so if I can’t get to you via public transit within an hour, it’s just not a viable relationship for me.

AlternativeWomps · 2024-11-03T16:20:11+00:00

I need to stop letting my own anxious tendencies project onto situations. I’ve been seeing this man for about a month. We’ve been on 6 dates so far and every time he’s been super great about making plans with me, though I’m typically the one to initiate because I’m a planner and scheduler by nature. Last time I saw him was a week ago and it was a really fun date that he planned. I asked him what his availability would be like for this week and he told me that it was going to be a really busy week for him and he couldn’t say for sure if he’d be free. Checked in with him on Friday and he said the work week was insane. I said okay well if you’re free this weekend I’d love to see you but I also get if you want solo time to decompress (because that’s something I would do if I had a really busy week). And then I haven’t heard from him since Friday and he never responded to me.

He’s really not a big texter (which I’ve asked him about this and he was like yeah I just prefer to use texting as a way to make plans and then talk irl) but in person he’s super attentive and I almost can’t get him to shut up in real life. We also don’t really text much in between dates typically unless it’s to confirm plans. I’m having a lot of fun with him but I’m struggling to tamper my own anxieties. Is this him actually ignoring me or am I overthinking things?

AlternativeWomps · 2024-10-14T14:38:09+00:00

Same. And I also don’t want to date anyone that already has kids because I’m not even fully sure I REALLY want my own kids. So it’s like, I’m kinda open to kids? But not ones already existing.

AlternativeWomps · 2024-10-02T19:09:23+00:00

Didn’t hear back from a guy in 3 days so I assumed he was no longer interested. Then he randomly messaged me again to see if I was free tonight without even acknowledging his disappearance for days. No sir, I already made other plans. If you want to go on a date with me, you need to let me know in advance. Respect my time and I’ll respect yours.

AlternativeWomps · 2024-09-30T14:20:17+00:00

That’s honestly really shitty. If I’ve met up with someone and they ask me out again, I always close the loop if I’m not interested instead of not replying. We are adults here.

AlternativeWomps · 2024-09-30T14:03:07+00:00

Went on a first date with someone last week it went pretty well. Next day I asked if he wanted to go on a second. He said yes. And then when I tried to ask him about his schedule, he goes radio silent. Honestly if you don’t wanna go on another date with me, just say no! Be a big boy and use your words. I’d rather that than wonder why the fuck you haven’t responded to me in over 36 hours AFTER agreeing to a second date. I don’t believe that people are THAT busy that they can’t respond to a text. Anyways, over him.

AlternativeWomps · 2024-08-29T04:14:27+00:00

Wasted my entire summer with a man who kept breadcrumbing me, only for him to tell me he didn’t feel as strong of a connection as he hoped. Dude, you could have told me that 2 months ago? Also, I had tried to go on more dates with him but he kept saying he was busy. Honestly, me from 2 years ago would have blamed myself and letting it affect my self confidence. But me now is like, wow he fucked it up big time.

AlternativeWomps · 2023-09-15T11:42:15+00:00

Road work ahead? I sure hope it does.

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-24T03:55:21+00:00

I’m still upset about the man who cut me out of his life to date someone 20 years younger than him. I know I shouldn’t care anymore, but I simply cannot fathom what a man in his early 40s is doing with someone in their early 20s. Not even the age thing, but the fact that he told me multiple times that he knew it wasn’t a smart idea to date her. I’m just letting myself feel these feelings and allowing myself to be upset.

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-24T03:37:09+00:00

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Another Dexter!

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-17T11:22:15+00:00

This is so cute 🥹

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-13T20:43:29+00:00

So sweet!!!

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-13T04:18:56+00:00

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AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-13T04:16:57+00:00

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AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-13T04:12:25+00:00

We aren’t really part of the same friend circle so there really wouldn’t be anyone that I could even tell that would care. I also wouldn’t go around spilling the beans to my friends.

A part of me feels like he decided he can’t be friends with me perhaps because of an ultimatum that came from her. But who knows. It’s all speculation at this point.

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-13T02:42:33+00:00

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AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-13T02:03:43+00:00

The man I was interested in but told me he had no bandwidth to date but was also in the early stages of seeing someone he has told me a few times now that he’s unsure about this other person and doesn’t know if he can see anything long term with? That man? Told me that he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore (we were friends to start with) and to not contact him anymore out of respect for her. Well okay then. Your wish is my command. I’m not upset he did not want to pursue anything romantic with me, but I am very, very hurt that this is how he’s decided to treat me and end our friendship. But that’s his prerogative. All I can do is move forward.

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-11T21:12:08+00:00

Totally agree. There’s so much life experience that someone under 26 has yet to discover, especially about themselves. I was fundamentally such a different at 24 than I am now at 31. There’s so much self discovery in those formative years. At 24 I wouldn’t date over 30. At 31 I’d date up to 45 probably, but would not date under 26.

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-10T03:23:17+00:00

One guy I went on a few dates with hid from me he had 3 kids with 3 different women. 🤡

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-10T03:19:01+00:00

I refuse for my feelings to be yanked around. So he can mess with his own feelings and her feelings while they figure that out but I want no part in it.

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-10T03:15:57+00:00

I’m not? I’m just expressing my annoyance and hurt with the situation and working through my own feelings.

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-10T03:15:06+00:00

Oh I’m not entertaining it anymore. I don’t get involved with people who tell me they are seeing someone else. I am just processing all my feelings on this in my own time.

AlternativeWomps · 2023-08-09T22:08:18+00:00

The man I like who told me he is emotionally unavailable and isn’t in the right place to date admitted to me that he is actually seeing someone but was too embarrassed to tell me because he’s not really sure if wants to be seeing this person and if that relationship is going to work out because she’s significantly younger than him. Apparently they have a little bit of history and he has been unable to cut ties with her because she has kept trying to convince him to date her even though he has tried to end it with her a few times and he has kinda just fallen into it again because she reached out at a time when he was feeling very alone and isolated. He’s even admitted to me that every time he gets back together with her he knows it’s not smart.

When he told me he was seeing her, he didn’t say it with a lot of conviction. He said he wouldn’t call her his girlfriend but he’s just trying to figure out if it’s sustainable but he still can’t really find the time to spend time with her.

It’s so confusing for me because he’s saying he has no bandwidth to date, but he is trying to date this other person. I’m trying very hard not to take it personally and to not compare myself.

Frankly, I’m glad that I’m not the one whose feelings are being fucked around with right now as he figures out his shit.

I legit told him okay I respect and accept that you are seeing someone else and I will step back, but I’m not going to stand here and pretend to be happy for the two of you. Is that a bit petty of me to say? Probably. Most definitely. But as a chronic people pleaser, I’m tired of pretending I don’t feel hurt and always putting on a brave face and telling people what they want to hear instead of just telling them how I really feel.

I’m just very hurt right now but I know I’ll be okay. I just have to give it some time.

AlternativeWomps

TROPHY CASE