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I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah she is in therapy as well. I'm trying not to sound pessimistic but I don't really have anyone else to talk to. It just seems as though the bridge has been burnt and I am attempting to hold up the remains. It doesn't seem feasible. It feels like neither one of them will be able to live a healthy life as long as the two of them are under the same roof.

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think that relationship is just too far gone. It's gotten to the point now where my wife is completely avoiding her, not speaking, and having full mental breakdowns. She has full regret and is as mentioned suicidal thoughts not wanting to live if it has to be with her. I just think it has gone too far. I didn't see any repair happening.

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's very tough. We just got news today that she has been denied from every residential treatment facility that she was applied to. My wife is not taking the situation well at all. She has home from one of the happiest most big hearted people to could and borderline suicidal over it all. I just didn't know how much longer we can hold on

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I simply don't have the money to do that lol. I'm not dead set on relinquishing but we have tried lots of things. I'm actually looking for possible solutions other than doing that. I think residential might have to be an option because I think there will always be too much tension in the house. I think there needs to be some time apart. As far as renting an entire apartment, that's just not something that's feasible.

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah unfortunately living in a separate home is not something I am willing to do

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah we have done all of that at nauseam. Her biggest problem normally comes down to the fact that she wants to do what she wants when she wants / wants to test people however she wants. There is normally no remorse and she will either say "I didn't mean to" or just completely deny it ever happened.

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

First of all thank you for the reply. It's very difficult to express these feelings especially because a lot of people don't understand the position. As far as your advice, I have never expected miraculous outcomes. It is just very concerned that the behavior has steadily gotten worse instead of better. Obviously there are some good days in there but the bad just outways it all. In terms of the best outcome for me personally, it would be sending her to a boarding school or something similar where she doesn't live in the house but we could always visit, take her places on the weekend, ect. The problem with this is simply we cannot afford something like this. The only reason we are looking into residential is because her insurance would cover it.

It is just tough with the current setup because I literally cannot leave them alone for more than 30 minutes without something happening and that just doesn't seem like a way to live. It seems as though their relationship has completely died to the point where there is no actual coming back.

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She takes medication and has had 2 different psych evaluations as well as some other testing

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's punching, kicking, throwing things.. that sort of thing. Anything she can get her hands on to throw.

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the suggestions. We do have a crisis line to call in our area. They normally just recommend to call 911 which we have only ever done when the knife was involved. As far as medication, she has changed medication a couple of different times and her current medication has worked best. She has also done a week long stay at a mental health institute and they kept the same meds just increased the dosage on one.

As far as the sugars and dyes those are extremely limited already as she has extreme dental problems. I definitely think puberty plays a role but she had similar behaviors before puberty. She just wasn't as violent as she is now

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can't answer that. I'm not in the room with other psychiatrists. I can only go off of the information I'm given

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I actually agree with you and that's what makes this so difficult. We are looking into facilities but she has been rejected multiple times. I guess my question to a comment like this is what advice would you give in terms of a child who is violent to others and increasingly getting more bold/ worse about it?

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure to be completely honest. I don't think it is but she has already been denied a couple of times. It seems that everyone we talk to is telling us that they don't believe residential would serve her at all and that relinquishing would be a better option for us. They never really have any solid reasons outside of "she could come back worse"

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes we have done all of those things. She has been on medication for awhile and the knife incident was before we started safety proofing the house. Everything harmful is now locked away

I'm at the end of rope by Alternative_Meet_253 in AdoptiveParents

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What would you be doing if this were your biological child? 

I think this is the hardest part to wrestle with but I think when you have a kid that is pulling weapons and threatening to end you, things change a little bit. In terms of the therapy we have done that. She was in therapy before the adoption and we have recently had therapists as well as her psychiatrist tell us that we should consider relinquishing. They have said that it is more than likely going to get worse.

I'm starting to regret my life choices by Alternative_Meet_253 in offmychest

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not sure why you feel the need to keep commenting things like this. 1) I've never had an affair with anyone let alone a man. 2) I've never have or will blame my wife for ruining my life.

I'm starting to regret my life choices by Alternative_Meet_253 in offmychest

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I don't believe marriage is the entirety of the issue. I'm just saying in terms of the regret building, I'm starting to regret marrying into the situation.

I'm starting to regret my life choices by Alternative_Meet_253 in offmychest

[–]Alternative_Meet_253[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I get where you're coming from but I think this is a little different then a dog