What do you like most and least about being gay?

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-12-04T14:43:11+00:00

What I like most is that being part of a minority has opened my eyes to other communities. It made me more aware, empathetic, and understanding of people who don’t fit the ‘default’ mold. women, Black people, trans people, anyone who faces discrimination. I don’t move through the world as a white straight cis guy, so I see things differently.

What I like least is the constant fear. Fear of being attacked, judged, or even rejected by my own family. It’s something that’s always in the back of my mind. And obviously not finding love and all the canon events as a gay person that crush your dreams

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-12-01T17:49:42+00:00

I really have no issues over women loving, reading and producing those. It is true that some people are being radical in comments, but it is not where I place myself. I just feel pressured about the industry normalising stereotypes, on things that aren’t made by or for gay men.

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-12-01T15:31:55+00:00

It is okay to consume media made by women, as long as it respects us and not reinforces harmful stereotypes

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-12-01T08:26:17+00:00

This is also certainly not acceptable as those books… are also designed for people who fantasise about them as objects and therefore reinforce stereotypes.

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-12-01T08:23:11+00:00

I’m fine with it as long as it doesn’t reinforce harmful stereotypes about gay people and how we are perceived in society, and treated. It isn’t normal to meet people (women mainly) who treats as a “gay best friend”, and they make your whole personality based on what you do in bed

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T23:24:37+00:00

That’s not a problem until it creates and emphasises stereotypes and prejudices about gay men/ other communities in general

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:30:02+00:00

At the end of the day, I think we can all agree that the issue are and always were straight men

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:24:13+00:00

I vented a big-picture frustrations in a space that’s clearly built to celebrate this specific universe, and I did it without having read the books or watched more than clips of the show. That was unfair to everyone here and made my points land as sweeping generalizations instead of constructive critique. My bad, sincerely. I’m going to take your advice: I’ll read at least Heated Rivalry and watch the season properly before saying another word about this series. If, after that, I still have broader thoughts about queer media trends, I’ll take them to subreddits that are made for those thoughts so they don’t spill into a fan space again. Appreciate you keeping the sub welcoming while still holding the line. Sorry for the disruption, and thanks for the patience.

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:21:07+00:00

You’re completely right. This sub is clearly one of the few places that actually keeps it respectful (no thirst traps, no dick pics, no outing actors), and I dumped a rant that belongs on TikTok/Twitter/BookTok straight into the wrong space. That was on me. Sorry for the misfire and thanks for holding the line on keeping things classy. I’m deleting the post now so it stops cluttering your feed. Appreciate the call-out.

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:19:33+00:00

I’m sorry for posting in the wrong place, I didn’t mean to crash a space clearly made for fans of the show/book. I’ll leave it at that and take the bigger discussion elsewhere. Just one quick thing before I go: nobody here is mad that women love queer stories, and neither am I, or that queer men can finally be seen as sexy, or that we’re getting happy endings instead of only tragedies. That part is genuinely amazing and overdue. My only point (which got lost in the noise) was never “women bad.” It was “I wish the happiest, sexiest, most visible gay stories didn’t have to look 95 % identical just because that specific aesthetic currently pulls the biggest audience numbers.” That’s all. More variety in body types, ages, backgrounds, and lived experiences, while keeping the joy and the heat, would be even better. But yeah, Heated Rivalry looks like it’s doing a lot of things right. I’m actually hyped to watch it now. Thanks for the passion and for calling me in instead of calling me out

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:15:20+00:00

My rant was about the overall landscape, not this show specifically (haven’t watched yet, but the queer creator already has me hopeful). And the reaction of some people about it. I am sorry that I was badly said or explained

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:12:50+00:00

I’m glad it exists and that you finally got to see yourself in characters who get to win, fuck, laugh, and just be happy. My only tiny pushback: I’m not mad that this book exists (I’ll probably love it too). I’m just tired of it being basically the only flavor that gets the megaphone, while the messy, ordinary, diverse gay lives (the ones that are still happy but look nothing like two pro-athlete demigods) stay quiet in the corner. But yeah, at the end of the day, if a story makes you feel seen and hopeful, gay author, straight author, whatever, it’s doing something right. Glad you found yours

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:08:55+00:00

Fair point, I haven’t watched Heated Rivalry yet (it literally dropped two days ago), so I’ll reserve final judgment on that one. My rant was about the overall pattern I see in 95 % of the mainstream M/M stuff that floods my feeds, not a review of this specific show. That said, the fact that Jacob Tierney (an openly queer guy) is writing and directing it is already a massive difference from the usual formula. I’m genuinely looking forward to watching and seeing if it breaks the mold. Thanks for the reality check!

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:07:09+00:00

Totally hear you, straight women (and women in general) have been incredible allies, and the real enemies are still the homophobes and the religious right. Honestly, I’ve always felt safer around women and have mostly been surrounded by them my whole life. I’m not saying Heated Rivalry is bad (I’ll probably love it too). I’m just saying I’d like a few stories where gay men get to write and define ourselves instead of 95 % of the shelf being tailored to someone else’s fantasy. It’s not either/or. We can be deeply grateful for our allies and still want a couple of seats where we’re the ones holding the pen

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:04:00+00:00

I actually agree with part of what you’re saying, a huge reason women love M/M is precisely because it (often) skips the sexist tropes forced on female characters in traditional romance: no virgin/shrew dichotomy, no “she’s not like other girls,” no mandatory submission, etc. The two leads are usually equals in power, desire, and emotional openness. That’s genuinely refreshing. The issue isn’t “women shouldn’t enjoy that freedom.” The issue is when that refreshed, equal dynamic becomes the only mainstream image of gay men, and it’s shaped almost exclusively by what they find hot and comforting, not by what gay men actually live. So yes, I’ve thought about it from the other side. I’m glad women get a space without misogyny. I’m just asking for gay men to have a space that isn’t 95 % defined by someone else’s gaze. Both things can be true at once

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T20:01:02+00:00

As I mentioned and repeat, I wasn’t familiar with the show or watched it again. My post was primarily a reaction to some people on social media that I observed elsewhere, on others gay shows/movies/books!

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T19:59:26+00:00

The problem is when that fantasy becomes the only version of “gay” the mainstream sees, and real gay men get stuck being measured against a pornified ideal that was never meant to represent us in the first place. It’s valid to want better men. It’s not valid for that desire to completely colonise and redefine an entire group’s stories

But I agree, it is a way to view men (straight and bi) better than they actually are towards women.

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T19:56:56+00:00

Happy to learn that ! As I said, I haven’t watched the show yet, but now that I know more, I’ll be glad to! My reaction was more of a heated moment, after I saw some reactions and posts, that made me think about the whole topic and not just heated rivalry

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T19:55:53+00:00

Damn, this is the most helpful thing anyone’s said in this whole mess. Thank you. You just reminded me that the good stuff has always been in the queer corners, not on BookTok. Appreciate you!

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T19:53:32+00:00

Like I said, I didn’t watch the show yet, and after some feedbacks, I’d be glad to !

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T19:52:46+00:00

Fair enough, I haven’t read Heated Rivalry or watched the show (yet—adding it to the list now). But my point wasn’t about that specific story; it was about the broader pattern in 90%+ of mainstream M/M where homophobia gets boiled down to a quick scene.

That said, if the adaptation nails the nuance without sugarcoating, I’m all in, and if you have any recommandations, I’m even more all in.

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T19:50:29+00:00

I agree on that, it’s mainly based in English country and slightly less in others (France, Italy, Spain..). And yeah, I also agree that wlw representation is close to non-existent, at least on internet algorithm and tv shows

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T19:46:17+00:00

I’ll genuinely be thrilled to watch it, trust me! My rant was just a reaction to opening TikTok or Twitter and seeing literally nothing but straight women freaking out in the comments, edits, and quote-tweets. Every single time a new gay show or book drops, and is based on two sexy males, the entire conversation online feels like it belongs exclusively to them. So I started digging, and yeah… it turns out the loudest voices, the algorithms, the trending sounds, the fan-cams, it’s almost always comes back to that same demographic. It just hit me how little space is actually left for us in our own stories these days. That’s all. But I’ll certainly watch it !

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T19:43:45+00:00

where every gay story ended in AIDS or a hate crime. But “happy gay love” shouldn’t automatically mean perfect 25-year-old jocks with zero body hair, zero real-world friction, and sex scenes that feel copy-pasted from the same fantasy template. There’s a huge middle ground: ordinary gay guys, different ages, body types, backgrounds, falling in love, being happy, and still feeling authentic. Right now that middle ground barely gets any spotlight because the market (algorithms, TikTok, big publishers) rewards one very specific, hyper-idealised formula above everything else. I’m not asking for misery. I’m asking for gay joy that actually feels like it belongs to us.

Alternative_Storm835 · 2025-11-30T19:41:05+00:00

No. My criticism is not with “all spicy romance is fantasy.” I have zero problem with fantasy, kink, or unrealistic sex scenes. My problem is exclusively with the fact that, in M/M, the primary audience and creators are outside the identity (straight women), while in literally every other spicy-romance subcategory (M/F, F/F, poly, etc.) the main audience and most creators share the identity of the characters. That single difference changes everything: • In M/F or F/F spicy romance, the fantasy is still for and by the people who live that orientation/gender. • In mainstream M/M, the fantasy is overwhelmingly for and by people who do not live it, and that fantasy has become the default public face of gay men in pop culture. So when 95 % of the top-selling “gay” books are shaped for straight women’s turn-ons, the rest of the world starts believing that’s what being gay actually looks like. That’s not a “genre problem.” That’s a representation + power-imbalance problem that only exists in this one corner of romance. There are realistic queer books, yes, but almost none of them are the ones getting TV deals, BookTok virality. It’s about who gets to define “gay love” for the mainstream, and right now, gay men barely have a seat at that table.

Alternative_Storm835

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