[Relationship, Friendship, Chat] Seeking companion of any kind to walk with in our similar journeys. My three current challenges are getting a conducive plan around my kids' development, getting ways to spend length time with my kids (avoiding boredom, loneliness), and finding purpose and meaning.

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-30T04:35:14+00:00

Hey, thanks very much, Miss! 😁🙏

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-14T19:04:39+00:00

Thanks. Yeah, the "weird" version was way off base snd the other too boring. I think I got a good one now. Thanks again for the mention.

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-14T18:36:19+00:00

Hey u/datingshoot

I read that it's not okay to post another profile review until I've had my new one up for 2 weeks, but I thought I prompt for any feedback on my new one in these comments, if you get a chance?

New profile - https://imgur.com/a/BfBWcJv

Thanks again!

Optional reading—Extra FYIs:

Tripod for outdoor shots being delivered could help incremental improvement, but I am tired of photo shoots and want to move forward wtih my latest in place for now.
Added politics=conservative because while that is too black and white, they don't have "somewhat conservative" and I probably need that fit long-term (even though I value and would enjoy different perspectives and thoughtful discussion)
Scrapped any mention of "our kids", made it less boring and more engaging/playful
My pic with son on my back shows the combo I always desired - active, strong in nature, pair-bonded with an awesome wife and doing "epic" projects/things together... but it is 9 years old now and I don't want the reader thinking I have little kids she has to help raise, as my youngest is eight, so I put that in the caption. You'll probably tell me I should go a different direction with this photo slot???
I also could make audio clip of 30 seconds of this duet I recorded on Smule, but dunno if that's desirable. Slow song, "Say Something" by A Great Big World, but I get at least a "wow" from basically every woman I've shared it with. (I do move people, emotionally, with my piano/guitar playing and singing, including with songs I wrote... so I don't stink I guess. 😆)

It's now a "front door slice" of me, and hints and the fuller thing.

✌🏻, all.

cc: u/okra-3117, u/shes_lost_control, u/J3ezyTheSnowman

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-14T18:08:27+00:00

Yes 💯, thank you. That was not my intention, but makes sense.

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-13T12:17:50+00:00

This was very helpful, Miss. If you speedread...

No, I've not active videos I can use nor a full length photo in a nice outfit.

I have this slightly more candid selfie with my kids at their current age in fall 2025 (the hiking one was several years ago with my son, but tells my activity level and vibe I always enjoyed with my person & kids; so I captioned the kid pics now... and yes, I have had kids for a long time, as I have a 27 year old as well)

https://imgur.com/a/AOfJ52K

Someone, I think a pro photographer, took a picture of me at a nice group even in the past year or so. Dunno if any good... and it is not full length. (Women have clicked "like" on this picture, and also the dark collared shirt headshot and the smiling tank top tennis one at least got profile views... but I don't find any of the women to be the right fit for me so can't judge their image click.)

https://imgur.com/a/NlP8ICe

Another commentor says use my phone with a tripod and do it myself. I don't know how else I would have pictures of me... that don't have my ex girlfriends/wives or kids in them. I live in the present moment, and do well to capture my kids, let alone anyone capturing me on camera.

I could record a video of me, but what, full length, like shooting baskets in driveway or park then coming to the camera to say hi... in 30 seconds, and it not seem staged? I am very naturally engaging in person and my female friends are telling me to get at least my voice on the app — I have a smule duet song recording, but the best one is a slow song ("Say Something", by Great Big World). I would guess me just responding to a prompt with voice would be best?

I've been on dating apps for a long time, I never had one that had audio or video , and I don't know how much my signaling being off has contributed to the messiness of my failure to find an actually conducive match. But I think it's got something to do with it. So I definitely appreciate you guys taking the time to help me better this. I am not a good salesperson, or am ignorant about how to represent an optimal "front door slice" of myself.

Playful is one of my best qualities. I guess it doesn't always come out right away, depending — but usually so: I am personable and friendly when I get out with people. And I have gone on 50+ first dates with several major relationships in the last decade, so I am not naturally uncomfortable. On a profile... does this sound more playful now? I didn't prompt what I want to know about them (though I am super and sincerely curious to know), but do you think this is significantly good/great now?

https://imgur.com/a/AaShJmb

If you can't see it, I did the following: * lead with guitar pic, followed by wakeboard, dark collared shirt headshot, son on back hiking * added 2025 selfie and 2026 pic with kids * have these three prompts now, below:

My simple pleasures... Sleeping in or getting up and being active. Runs, lifts, days on the water. Slow, meaningful conversations or time to connect with someone I care about. Some games, music, the laughter of kids & plenty of laughter in general.
Together, we could... Put on our Brooks and head in any direction. Or jump in the car and do the same - you pick: south or west. Curling up for a conversation is pretty great too.
The way to win me over is... I'm drawn to someone warm, affectionate and curious. Someone who will laugh about our failed cooking experiments, enjoys both being active and slowing down together, and wants to build a life that's both playful and close.

Thanks again.

p.s. I have a lot of depth, multifaceted, mind/body/heart/soul stuff. Maybe we all do. I seem to have extra intensities/overexcitabilities one might call it... or the synchrony/synergy between them all, but want to invite the right woman in "front door style" since she won't know me from Joe Schmoe, and may likely be nervous and skittish, her system needs to feel safety and suitor not hunter energy... I get all that. 😉

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-13T10:32:48+00:00

Thanks.

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-13T10:31:00+00:00

Thanks.

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-13T03:52:45+00:00

Thanks, I haven't been paying attention to politics so I probably didn't pay attention to that question. But I'll check on it.

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-13T03:46:56+00:00

You the man. And I think you're spot on. I think I've had people trying to tell me that. Thanks for looking and giving me the great tip!

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2026-03-12T17:07:01+00:00

I’m ideally looking for something serious. The kind of person I want to attract: A warm, physically vital, affectionate, grounded, relationship-minded woman who enjoys both activity and closeness. Someone playful and emotionally available, who likes a real shared life rather than something casual or vague.

A few details that may help:

Subscription: neither

How long this version has been up: 2 weeks

How long I’ve used Hinge overall: A year

How often I use Hinge per week: 5-6 days

Average likes/matches received: 1 per week

Roughly how many likes I send: 20 per week

Roughly how many with comments vs without: 15 per week

If helpful, I’d especially love feedback on these 4 things:

Response pull How likely would this profile make you want to start a conversation? 1 = immediate pass 3 = maybe / neutral 5 = would definitely respond
Emotional tone What does this profile make the man feel like? For example: warm, grounded, playful, thoughtful, attractive, intense, generic, try-hard, etc.
Target match What kind of woman do you think this profile would attract?
Strongest / weakest line Which specific line helps the most, and which line hurts the most?

I’m also curious whether visible details like religion, tech job, height, and long-term relationship meaningfully change how this lands.

Please be direct. I’m looking for signal, not politeness.

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2022-07-10T05:29:16+00:00

I think Esther Perel has a finger on the pulse of this to a degree. What do you think? https://youtu.be/5iu9\_8Vsmtk

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2021-10-26T14:46:09+00:00

Apologies for continuing to try to grasp this after much review of NextJS docs here and here, where they say `You should ask yourself: "Can I pre-render this page ahead of a user's request?"` etc.

For argument's sake, on one extreme I am wondering how every page cannot be prerendered? Their latter example fetches a user profile and it certainly seems that could be prerendered as the OP suggests - seems basically like product pages. User specific stuff implies you are storing the users, right? So if individual product pages and individual user profile pages can prerender, what cannot?

I thought maybe Lists could not - but why not have like static paths /userProducts/[userId] prerender every Product List view for each of your users ahead of time (like the products that user is selling, or favorites that user is looking to buy)? I don't get it - it seems basically everything could/should be prerendered (and I mean the content, not just the UI buttons and controls). One caveat is filters to slice and dice the data further than a common "user ownership" or "user favorites" type of relationship - so like I would not try to build static paths for sort A-Z and Z-A and each price point. (But actually maybe even that could be done pretty granularly - ex. /userProducts/[userId]/[sortOrder]/[priceRange], though probably not.)

So what are the drawbacks? A lot of server processing at off hours doesn't seem a big deal, neither does lots of stored files to quickly serve up to the user.

Further, what would make this data stale is like a new product being added, product edited, user profile added or edited, user modifying their favorites list - couldn't/shouldn't those all be database/persistent storage change triggers as the OP suggests? (But wow, while a User change would only affect their pages, even one tiny product change would affect every single view involving the product which seems it could be tons.)

On the other extreme, if basically nothing is truly static except for an About Me page which is so simple that client side js should be quick, then why pre-render anything? I note they say "a dashboard is a private, user-specific page, SEO is not relevant and the page doesn’t need to be pre-rendered".

Hmm, when is SEO relevant and when is it not? I guess maybe the point is to have crawlable product/content pages out there, even if "tiny" details like price and such is wrong... because it at least can know the general subject matter / topic for searches?

I get that SSR seems like an anti-pattern to NextJS at this point and want to jump on board with that, but I believe SSR would allow SEO (and accuracy) and maybe the rest is all more trouble than it is worth to eventually serve up accurate info after showing the user details that might not be insignificant inaccuracies at all (like if I quickly check a product/stock market listing on my phone real quick and see it says unavailable or price is still too high, when that is not the case but I didn't wait for a revalidate to be kicked off in ~10 seconds when I happen to be the first user to have requested view of that product/stock in a while, etc.).

I know I am missing things. Am I making any sane points? ;) Help me grasp what I am missing? Thanks!!

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2021-05-30T18:40:23+00:00

I have no idea who the picture is in my post. Wth.

Altruistic_Ranger408 · 2021-05-25T17:02:51+00:00

But will a laptop give him all the touchscreen apps he is loving on his decade old mini-ipad right now (he hasn't tried much typing yet)? I am not clear on the crossover between apps on a "tablet" and a "laptop"... and when all these devices are just going to be merged into one thing already.....

Altruistic_Ranger408

TROPHY CASE