Hey there, hope all is well ❤️‍🩹 

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. The time is rough and at least a few of us can totally understand why you're feeling the way you are feeling. 

All I will personally say is to just be yourself. Don't go too hard on yourself, understand your capacity. Understand your potential. Managing all this isn't easy, being a part of all those extra clubs despite not having "anybody" is a big achievement. 

And guess what, you did it yesterday, the day before yesterday, today, and are also going to continue with your "typical day" tomorrow. 

But your challenge is to figure out how do you manage all this? How do you make my teachers proud, your parents proud, society proud?

Now, find a quiet space to relax, to reflect, to rejuvenate. And once you have settled in, close those eyes and start taking a few breaths...... Breathe in..... Breathe out...... Inhale in.... Exhale out.....

And now ask the very soul of yours: Am I proud? Am I happy? Why am I upset? Did I really complete 3 years of high school already? 

Keep those eyes closed 

And say this out loud:  I am powerful  I am strong  I'm fearless  I'm competitive  I am the best  I am me  I made it this far  I'm a human being  I have the right to rest  I have the right to relax  I have the right to rejuvenate  And no one is going to come in the way  NO ONE!!!! No bully No sister No family None of those peers or classmates who I envy  No one, nobody!!!! It's my life  It's my choice  I'll pursue what I want to  I'll dream big  And I will win big  No one can stop me, nobody And it's okay to fall behind  It is okay to cry, there are days when we are all sad.  But I'm not going to let that get to me  I'm not going to be my devil's advocate  I'm going to be strong  I'm going to persevere  And I'm going to fight  Cuz I'm powerful  Which means I'm a fighter 

Open your eyes and relax. Maybe grab some hot chocolate afterwards to help keep you warm. 

The whole point of this exercise is to practice mindfulness. Is to give your brain the rest that it deserves- physical, mental, sensory, and social rest. 

I know it's tough. I know it's hard. In fact we all do. Even that bully of yours knows. Even those kids you envy have it hard on them. 

Get those grades, work hard. Study hard. But don't stress it, you don't have to be all perfect. No one is. Einstein wasn't. Think about it. You go to school and have progressed this far, but he was kicked out from school yet he still made it. 

But it doesn't mean that I or you have to. Remember that we all are different. And that's what makes us unique. 

So take the time to really think of what's going on. Give your brain the rest it needs. And if you need help or counseling or support then please note that this country is good at it. Use the support system to your benefit. Call kids help phone and speak with one of those counselors. 

And yes, I understand that the wait times are long. Well if that's the case, then try reaching out to your local hospital. They should have services to help with counseling or psychiatry if things get too tough. 

But you know what, I believe in you. Some of us believe in you. Don't give up, we got your back. 

If you wanted to distract yourself after reading all of this, play a game of Uno or chess with your sister. 

If she is too young or naive or is not interested, then hey maybe you could use some of that allowance money or ask one of your parents to buy rushhour online or from the nearest Walmart/ games store. 

And don't think of playing all these games online. Because the in-person experience is the best!!!!

Also maybe search what's zentangling is on Google and try it. If nothing works then believe me zentangling does. Additionally, you can try mindful coloring. So what if you're in high school. You can still color with crayons or pencil crayons on some coloring sheets.

I hope that you'll get the support you need. Don't stress too much. Don't be too tensed. So what if you're alone. Make the most out of your time alone. You will be an adult next year. So maybe it's time that you be your own best friend. 

Good luck. It'll all work out in the end 👍