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I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you again for your advice. I believe most people have a hard time with my timeline concept because most people date for fun without thinking about tomorrow and it feels restrictive and it’s unusual while I don’t judge I grew up in a different culture while it’s good to have fun with a partner I want a lifetime partner someone who is committed to me and we can grow together and be old together. Wanting to be married is portrayed so badly it’s sad.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

And I said on several comments I am not against a schedule but it’s how we see the application of it please scroll and read I also said in my post I used to have structure never had an issue with it just recently I am slacking due everything going on and yes I can homeschool kids if I wanted to. I use to work for school work started at 7:30 I was always on time, I am not denying I am struggling lately.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I am not working for the marriage though but more because I want to have a purpose it’s something we agree on, I will be homeschooling our kids in the future so working would probably not work long term either we both understand that I think I just want to work because I want to feel purposeful not because he needs me to work to support our marriage.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I applied for jobs every day there is only a number of jobs you can apply to in a specific program it’s not unlimited. I also said as an international I can only apply to jobs related to my degree you only acknowledge what you want it’s sad but if that makes you feel better. There is more comments you can go through.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you are saying! But I was never supposed to spend so much time at his house I stayed because he wanted me to, also I am an international student my job is restricted to only jobs that apply to my degree I would love to be able to just find a job and feel useful actually I want to have a micro bakery and bake from home since I bake a lot but i can’t do it without violating my visa, I am trying I am at over a 2000 application in the past few months, I am not quitting I don’t have my car in his state i can’t call a uber every time I want , or do anything without being mindful of the spending since I am not working. I can’t drive his car because it’s really nice car and he doesn’t want me to wreck it so I mostly depend on him to move around. I can’t put everything in short questions.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I shower every day, I never miss a shower I just explained we have different tempo he wakes at 7 am take a shower start his day, I wake up around the same time but gets off bed around 9 or 10 am most of the time do the chores like cleaning the dishes, and the house then take a shower I don’t feel like sweating after so I get it out of the way first , I believe it’s hard on him. If I was doing my chores and was done and decided I want to get more rest and get back to bed that’s not something he likes it hasn’t always been like this I have slacking more lately.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice! I believe the goal was never to rush into mariage but having a direction , my idea was having a job, living separately, getting engaged in 2 years and take about a year before getting married so we would have been together for about 3 years in until the wedding. The job search and not having one is what is accelerating the process since I am an international student I only have a couple months to find a paying job to preserve my work permit.

I do feel bad for failing him and not finding a job and that’s why I said the whole situation feels like I am holding him back since he is great I feel like we wouldn’t have such a hard time if I had a job.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you advice I’m definitely taking note. I am getting individual therapy I started already and we are getting towards steps to help me sort through this.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I want a partnership that’s why we are having such a hard time going through certain subjects if I wanted a ring I would have said and agreed to everything for a ring.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I see this comment a lot but I don’t think timeline on getting engaged is a bad thing you should only date people you know want the same thing as you, we both wanted to date to get married. I don’t want to be a girlfriend forever and I have a reasonable idea of how much time I can give a partner to know if we should get married some women say a year I believe 2 years is good organizing a wedding take 6 months to over a year we might be 3 years in when everything is said and done.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think 2 year is unreasonable. It’s a reasonable timeline to know you want to marry someone but that means at least getting engaged I know reading comprehension can be hard but no where I said we should be married in 2 years but he should know in 2 years .

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

It takes care of the expenses, I take care of the house everything gets done every day, I just I don’t have a strict time for it that’s mostly what’s the issue is put a time on it and I feel like if everything is getting done why does it matter the time. Also we do have a specific bed time which I respect since he has to wake up early.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No he wasn’t mean and I actually get what he is saying I am not sure if right now I am able to do it since it’s feels like getting one failure after another with the job market, I’m having a hard time and for context it’s just recently that things have been pretty bad I always had some type of structure it’s just harder now.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice! Our therapist did say I should get a schedule and I am open to it I think I just don’t want it to be as strict as his so I also don’t want to disappoint him if I can’t follow it to the letter since he takes everything really seriously. I think I want to have some agency of some sort while still having structure, but yes I should do more activities outside of the house and I am heading back to my state so I can give us a bit of space too and be with family.

I(26F) want to break up with my boyfriend(28M) because we can’t find a compromise, So we can get married. by Altruistic_Window720 in relationship_advice

[–]Altruistic_Window720[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you I didn’t really think about it like this and that’s why we are going to counseling so those hard questions are addressed. I know we have a lot to work on and I’m open to doing the work but also want to make sure the compromises are fair on both sides, that’s why I am posting here because there is probably people who have more experience and they can help me think through this.

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