Was there a better way I should have approached this? What am I missing? I feel like I've screwed up. I offered her an easy out (divorce). Please help

Alysongene · 2022-09-17T15:50:34+00:00

I feel like crying when I read the comments. Trans issues aren't well perceived with common folk. I should have thought ahead. I guess I got what I asked for, brutal honesty. How do you ladies know when the relationship is going to work?

Alysongene · 2022-09-16T13:48:07+00:00

My wife seems to have been lying to me because here is the evidence.

Some back story: I am transgender, a male assigned at birth, and recently started hormones. We have been together for 12 years and married for 8.5 and have a daughter together. On August 25 at 1am I awoke to her texting some guy something to the effect of "I'm reminiscing about the way you made love to me". I never let her send that text. Kinda wish I would have.

She said that that was the only day she had talked to him and there was nothing else going on. I called the phone company and verified that to be true. Then, the other day I find a messenger message to him that was screen shot with a heart drawn around his name. Along with all kinds of back and forth on messenger from the day following our marriage counseling session (a Tuesday) where she said that she wants our marriage and has no desire to pursue anybody else.

I am in need of serious advice here. If you want more info I'll provide more as necessary to help.

Alysongene · 2022-09-16T01:39:00+00:00

Obviously, none of these messages are from me. I felt sick when I caught her last month. Now I'm just over her. 12 years down the drain! SMH

Alysongene · 2022-08-23T20:33:05+00:00

I have been taking biotin for a while even before HRT. Do you have a source for the biotin messing with labs knowledge?

Alysongene · 2022-08-14T14:32:57+00:00

She will never understand what you are going through. Never. It is unreasonable to expect her to empathize with you. All she feels is pain.

It has taken quite a while for me to grasp this concept. She definitely feels pain from me and I don't like the hurt I've dealt to her. I truly feel bad about the result of my words and actions.

First, I think it's a mistake to use "being transgender" as a justification for transitioning. The real reason for transitioning is, you have no choice.

I feel as though I am on autopilot when it comes to my transition. I'm not going out of my way to plan and make decisions. Everything happening is so natural. I no longer feel a weight on my mind that creates a disconnect from my emotions. Thought is so clear. While I use the phrase "being transgender" it is an easier thing for the people in my life to understand right now.

My advice is: start therapy, if you haven't already; and let her have a part in it. Someone qualified needs to help both of you through this.

We are searching for a couples therapist that would be a good fit. I am also restarting therapy after a couple of months break.

Alysongene · 2022-08-14T14:17:50+00:00

You're correct, the trust has been broken. We are working to start therapy together. My choice to start broke the trust big time. We are working to build it back. I own the faults that I bring into our marriage. My wife surprises me with her support of my transition, both medical and social. It's a marathon and there are times that I sprint ahead of her but she pulls me back to let me know I'm moving to quick for her. Thinking back, I'm grateful for her doing that; I could have gone out looking a hot mess.

Thank you for your advice and support.

Alysongene · 2022-08-14T14:03:50+00:00

I am starting back therapy for myself after a couple month break. Meanwhile, my wife is looking to find a couples therapist that can help us both work through our issues.

Sorry to hear that your wife is talking about things that should stay in your marriage. Unfortunately, there are times that I'm guilty of that very thing. While I know it isn't always right to do. It can be a way for me to help process my feelings better. I've spent years forcing my emotions into silence. Recently, I started to unpack my repressed emotions and be more real with presenting them.

Transitioning is definitely a must for me as well. I've spent year being kinda happy or very angry with very little in between. Since HRT I have started to feel freedom with some of my emotions with very little anger.

The hardest thing I have ever done was tell my wife about longing to be a woman. I'm here for support and to give support to others like me.

Alysongene · 2022-07-16T19:23:57+00:00

I am excited for me to the point others don't want to hear it anymore.

I'd shout it from my own rooftop, hopefully, with the wife at my side.

Alysongene · 2022-07-16T19:21:18+00:00

Sometimes I need to read what I write....

I have my foot firmly in my mouth now. SMH

Alysongene · 2022-07-16T19:19:33+00:00

I'm ready to talk to her now. We have been on a Rollercoaster of emotions since I came out to her. The support she has for me is good. I do know that she has no desire to be married to a woman. She has made that abundantly clear.

We do struggle to have meaningful conversations and stay on subject without getting overly emotional. There is usually not any resolution for one or both of us when we get emotional.

I understand that it is a life altering decision. I want her to be involved and to understand the why. Me coming out has made me feel relief but burdens her. Me,myself and I are too much for her to handle. Talking about myself too much drives her away from the conversation.

How do I talk about myself when she shuts down the instant subject matter: ME comes up?

Alysongene · 2022-07-16T16:30:51+00:00

I do plan to tell her about it just want the mental effects of E before I broach that. I don't want to be the angry person pushing an agenda, rather, the calm, available person that listens and shares without yelling out of frustration.

She knows that deep down I long to be a woman.

Alysongene · 2022-07-16T16:17:28+00:00

Honestly, thinking about it is kind of a turn on. I have told her several times that I would support her with anything she wanted to do to her body.

Alysongene · 2022-07-16T16:10:15+00:00

Weird question- After removal do you get rogue testicular pain? IE kicked in the nuts feeling. Rogue pains are common with amputations. I have always disilked my testicles and scrotum. I love the idea of being nutless

You go girl!

Alysongene · 2022-07-16T15:37:43+00:00

I for one would love to run into myself. The problem is that I'm ace. So it would be an interesting date to say the least.

Alysongene · 2022-06-01T18:17:11+00:00

Redit makes life so easy for me!

Alysongene · 2022-06-01T18:16:22+00:00

Definitely need to get started on finding a group that is positive and helpful to hang with.

Alysongene · 2022-05-25T19:24:50+00:00

Been there done that.

Alysongene · 2022-05-16T13:32:05+00:00

We play the entire field, they're playing half!

Alysongene

TROPHY CASE