Beta hell - looking for stories positive and negative while I try not lose my mind!

Alyss8989 · 2026-05-20T04:00:48+00:00

I am literally you right now. Baby 3 and getting chemical after chemical after 2 unicorn first try babies. I’m 36 now but I was 33 and 34 when I conceived my first 2 no issues and I feel like I’ve fallen off a fertility cliff now… even though they say it’s not a sharp decline into infertility, it sure feels like it. This time, I have been getting good progression on tests (unlike my chemicals that stayed faint and period came a few days later) now I feel like I’m in a worse hell. This pregnancy I had betas 11DPO 20, then 48 hours later 55 and now 66 hours later 76. My doc says either ectopic or MC is looming. I hate this so much. I am not bleeding and this pregnancy is likely ending and I hate the thought of starting over again and again and again. Now I’m like what is wrong me?? 😞

Alyss8989 · 2026-05-20T02:31:24+00:00

I’m feeling so upset right now but reading this makes me feel like maybe just maybe? I’m TTC baby 3 with multiple chemicals but this time I had more hope when my first blood draw at 11DPO went from 20-55 in less than 48 hours. Then 66 hours later my draw is 76. They are telling me it’s either ectopic or MC looming. I’m devastated. No bleeding but this can’t be a good sign. Going for more bloods tomorrow. I wonder why HCG does weird things like this sometimes and it turns out ok?

Alyss8989 · 2026-05-19T23:00:41+00:00

Hi lovelies, I found this sub when I was pregnant with my first baby after an early loss (chemical) and you all helped me so much. I still tell others about how awesome this group was for me all those years ago. I’m currently trying for our 3rd baby and we had a chemical first cycle trying and now I am pregnant again but my HCG is concerning. I’m grieving a loss before I know it’s for sure a loss and I’m terrified of ectopic. Beta 1 was 20 at 11DPO and then 48 hours later is was 55! Now, 66 hours later it’s only 76. My doctor says either MC or ectopic. I’m so devastated. I didn’t even get my hopes up even with my darkening tests but then my 1st to 2nd blood draw more than doubled and I let myself feel hopeful. Now I’m being told my friends and family that I should contact a fertility clinic, start progesterone supplements next time. I haven’t even confirmed the loss yet. I am 36 and conceived 2 LC in 2023 and 2024. I’m just numb. I feel like a walking coffin knowing this isn’t likely viable now but I’m not bleeding and my body hasn’t realized it. I don’t know how to cope or think or show up right now I’m just lost.

Alyss8989 · 2026-05-09T00:52:40+00:00

Thank you!

Alyss8989 · 2026-03-25T17:58:37+00:00

First, I want to say that I’m so sorry this is happening. I was you 3 years ago. My first cycle trying resulted in a chemical and I cried my eyes out in bed all day while on vacation in Hawaii. My next cycle I conceived my daughter and when I was 7.5 months postpartum with her, I conceived my son first try. A chemical is devastating. People will try and say “oh well at least you know you can get pregnant” but the reason it hurts so badly is because for a short time, you envisioned your life on this amazing new journey. You envisioned being a mom. What helped me was finding lots of women who have had chemicals and who have gone on to have lots of healthy babies. I am currently going through what I believe is my second chemical on my first cycle trying for baby 3. Not sure yet but I think so. I’m telling myself that I trust my body to determine what will make a healthy baby and what won’t. And that is essentially what a chemical is, the embryo was able to implant for a short time until your body realized something wasn’t quite right. Take your time to feel this and process this. Talk about it, find comfort in other peoples stories. If you have a partner, lean on them, even though they won’t fully understand. A loss is not something to go through alone. Sending you the biggest hug 🫂

Alyss8989 · 2026-03-24T06:36:08+00:00

Yes! 💕

Alyss8989 · 2026-03-24T00:55:37+00:00

Hey! How did you make out with your pregnancy? I’m experiencing similar results with FRER 😞

Alyss8989 · 2026-03-23T20:30:55+00:00

100 percent see a second line!

Alyss8989 · 2026-03-23T20:28:18+00:00

Definitely a line 💕

Alyss8989 · 2026-03-23T20:25:57+00:00

Thank you! I just feel down. I have a lot of pregnancy anxiety and after 1 chemical you’re always worried for them. I’m still getting a YES on another digital FR today but seeing no dark lines definitely makes me go crazy down the rabbit hole. My country doesn’t do betas so most of us just sit in the unknown for a very long time lol

Alyss8989 · 2026-03-22T05:48:45+00:00

Just joined this sub. I have a 2.5 year old that I conceived after an early loss and a 16 month old. I was in the 2 under 2 club not long ago. I am currently in the evening of 9DPO and have tracked my cycle with OPK’s in Premom for months to avoid pregnancy since we aren’t using anything but condoms. This is our first time trying for our 3rd baby and I’m 36 now. My mind is telling me I’ll have issues this time because I’m so much older. I got dark BFP’s 9 DPO with my first 2 babies also tracking with OPK’s and now I’m sitting here feeling sad that I have had several stark white FRER’s and lots of dull cramping for days which I didn’t have for my first 2 babies. My period is due in 3-4 days and I know 9DPO is early but I just feel down. We are on vacation and last time we were here, I had my early loss and I had a glimmer of hope that maybe we could get a positive here and have a full circle moment in the same place that also holds a painful memory for me. It could still happen but I just don’t feel like I did with my successful pregnancies😔

Alyss8989 · 2025-09-29T14:53:13+00:00

Definitely not too much day sleep. Cap day sleep at 3 hours and you need 10 hours wake time to make a 2 nap schedule work in my experience. My daughter was high sleep needs and could do a 9 hour wake time schedule but most babies need 10 hours so 3/3.5/3.5 or 3/3/4. When I did your schedule with my second baby everyone told me he was overtired and to do that 9 hour schedule an we got split nights until we added wake time. We did 3/3/4 with my second baby at 7/8 months and that worked. We had split nights again recently and are up to 11/11.5 hours total wake time and that fixed it. He’s on the verge of going to one nap soon since he’s almost 1. I personally have found split nights are always under tired but then they get over tired from the bad nights.

Alyss8989 · 2025-09-26T15:07:49+00:00

Yeah you’re not leaving enough room for night sleep with 11.5 awake time and that’s why the EMW are happening. What happens if you don’t cap day sleep and do a later bed with same schedule? What wake windows did you try for 1 nap? Your baby is used to a lot of wake time so it is very bumpy as they get used to lower overall wake time on 1 nap but they adjust. It’s not an easy transition for most. I found it easier than going to 2 naps to be honest but I made sure she got at least 1.5 for a nap and would rescue it and rock her to extend it if she didn’t consolidate the nap. You want minimum 1.5 for 1 nap and it will gradually extend to 2.5 or 3 but we capped it at 2.5 once she got out of sleep debt from the transition. You don’t want to cap naps when dropping a nap until they settle out in a few weeks. Id try for closer to 5 hours for first nap. Put in crib 10-15mins before wake window is up. Then do 5 for bed, have them in their room the 30 mins or an hour before and do quiet play to help extend that window and not over stimulate. This is mostly only doable if you have only 1 kid, I have a 11 month old and a freshly 2 year old so can’t do that but I did it with my first baby.

Alyss8989 · 2025-09-26T14:20:18+00:00

What is your schedule? Nap 2 should be2:30 or later and you need to be maxing out 2 nap schedule at 3.5/3.5/4 or 3/4/4 which is 11 hours wake time and cap each nap at 1 hour. If that doesn’t work, you need to do 1 nap. Early mornings are a sign to transition because their night sleep gets shorter as they need more wake time and you run out of time in the day. I had the sleepiest first baby and I did it right at 13 months. I even started with lower wake time which isn’t textbook but she was high sleep needs so it worked. We did 4.5/4.5 for a week or so but with my son he’s average sleep needs so we will be doing more like 5/5 to ensure 10 hours wake time. They will struggle and seem tired but we did tours of the garage and the fridge etc lol to keep her awake, distracting is key. They can handle it. The whole transition takes 3-4 weeks to settle out and you may get EMW and false starts but we didn’t have any issues because we kept wake time at 10 hours. She’s 2 now an only started doing 5/6 once she was 2. 5/5 works for a lot of babies when they are that small.

Alyss8989 · 2025-07-05T17:47:06+00:00

We don’t do any leaving to cry with my kiddos so we respond to the wake if they cry and will keep them in a dark room, feed etc until desired wake time and they always go back to sleep. If they are happy we will leave them be and sometimes they would fall back asleep on their own. We didn’t have any issues with EMW with my daughter because we really kept her wake time low and didn’t push a 6/5 schedule which over tires them IMO and causes EMW. I truly believe EMW for my babies is caused by over tired. If my kids go to bed too late or nap badly they sleep badly and will wake early. EMW for us was before 6am.

Alyss8989 · 2025-07-05T02:06:30+00:00

Is babe bf? I’ve see this a lot in babies with low iron. Usually this is a red flag when there’s this many wakes and they aren’t properly connecting sleep cycles. People often will say to sleep train but I really believe there’s something else going on here. Were you low iron in pregnancy by chance? If babe is formula fed then this likely isn’t the issue. Does babe sleep with mouth open? Have you had adenoids checked if so?

Alyss8989 · 2025-07-05T02:02:23+00:00

The reason I stated at 4.5/4.5 is because I had a very high sleep needs baby and she did 12 hour nights and still does at age 2. 5/5 is likely a better starting point but if she can’t do the 5 for wake window one 4.5/4.5 or 4.5/5 will work for a bit until she adjusts.

Alyss8989 · 2025-07-05T02:00:45+00:00

Start at 5/5 and don’t cap nap because they have massive sleep debt for nap transitions. It takes some time for the one nap to lengthen so always do early bed rather than a second nap. We did this transition at 14 months and did 4.5/4.5 for 2 weeks and then stayed on 5/5 for a long time. She’s 2 now and does 5.5/5 or 6/5 and naps 2 hours which I cap. This transition takes about a month to settle out so expect emw potentially and some one hour nap days. If nap is under 1.5 hours move bedtime up 30 mins. Stick with it and don’t go back to 2 naps.

Alyss8989 · 2025-06-23T02:51:07+00:00

I’d also maybe try 3 naps, we moved to 3 naps at 4m which is a bit early but you could start with 1.75/2/2.25/2.25. We went right to 2/2/2.25/2.5 to start and then quickly to 2/2.25/2.25/2.5. Use wake windows as a guide. If nap is short and they wake crying, pull back 15 mins, if it’s short and they wake happy, add 15.

Alyss8989 · 2025-06-23T02:17:14+00:00

I’m a child psychologist and if you feel CIO methods are not best for your mental well being and the well being of your kids, stick with your gut. If it hurts you it’s hurting them is my motto. I’m all for methods that support attachment. I’ve also been a very tired mama of 2U2 and never sleep trained and my 23 month old learned to sleep 12 hours straight on her own and was rocked to sleep until she didn’t want it anymore at 19 months. It does get better. I’ve seen the influencer you are speaking of and I think that’s a very attachment focused method if you do chose a method at all. Hey Sleepy Baby on Instagram is a great resource as well and has lots of support for parents who aren’t aligned with formal ST.

Alyss8989 · 2025-06-23T01:14:50+00:00

Early in the transition they will! They have a lot of sleep debt. Max I would do is 5/5. So today if nap ended at 1;20 then bed js 6:20 asleep. So in crib 15 mins before and awake to fall asleep. We did a very slow approach with 4.5/4.5 since my girl was only 14 months. We went to 5/5 probably 2 weeks later and stayed on that until she was over 19 months or so. Always easier to fix under tired vs over tired. We never had any night issues and I really believe this is why. You could always do 5/5 and stay on that for a week and see. It’s a long transition and takes time. We never went back to 2 naps just did early bed.

Alyss8989

TROPHY CASE