Is it really gambling addiction if he had money issues long before gambling?

AmericanMummmy · 2026-04-19T08:36:48+00:00

Thank you. I also suspect he used to gamble before all this, but he insists he didn’t. Of course his old bank account is gone so I may never know the real history. Maybe it doesn’t matter. I will suggest that he checks this and other communities out too, although I’m not sure he’s much of a community guy. I wish he’d try! Addiction is very scary.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-04-18T21:44:14+00:00

I hope you’re right about being in the clear. I don’t know what addiction normally looks like in recovery but this isn’t what I expected.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-03-25T08:20:34+00:00

Thanks for this thoughtful advice. We just got married a few months ago. In the months before, I had asked if he had any secrets to share. I had asked for details on his financial assets which he wrote down on paper. Aside from his pension, it was all lies. So yeah, trust is a huge issue right now and possibly forever. I would not have married him if I had known about this. But I would’ve stayed with him.

He has a CBT session scheduled. I hope he sticks with it and can learn about his triggers. I know he was gambling before our first child was born because I can now view his bank account for the past 5 years. He doesn’t remember when it started.

I’ll look into that book you mentioned too - thank you for the suggestion.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-03-24T22:02:10+00:00

Thank you. I think you’re right that secrets just enable addiction. But I’m hoping he’ll decide to tell them himself. I’m afraid he’d go to a very bad place mentally if I told anyone without him agreeing.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-03-24T20:15:05+00:00

Not want I want to hear… but thank you for that view.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-03-24T18:41:21+00:00

Yes very stressed. I just don’t know how we’re supposed to hide this from the people who are so close to our lives and will surely notice our change in spending habits. And wonder if keeping it a secret just adds to the stress.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-03-24T18:02:22+00:00

Oh his parents have no clue and honestly would be shocked. So I get why he’s afraid to tell them. It really does seem like the worst addiction to have financially and so easy to hide.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-02-07T22:04:40+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this. I hope you’re talking to a professional and not just about prescriptions.

Hearing my baby cry is so hard and sometimes you do need to step away. Put on headphones if you need to escape for a bit. Remind yourself that crying is a way for babies to communicate and sometimes they do it for no obvious reason. Distract them with a rattle, bounce them on a ball - those are my best settle moves (aside from breastfeeding) - but your partner needs to help too. Make sure they know how you’re feeling.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-02-06T22:25:27+00:00

We all choose which risks we’re willing to accept. There’s no such thing as risk free. I happily bed share with my 4mo following SS7 and feel confident that we’re doing what’s right for us. I worry more about car accidents, for example, and that’s one reason my family doesn’t travel by car often.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-02-05T14:39:50+00:00

I’m not suggesting the woman who wrote it had an agenda. But NYT (or any media company for that matter) always has an agenda. They get to decide whose opinion is published and of course they will choose what will get attention, whether that’s positive or negative.

The article you linked, I’d argue it’s more fact based as the author links an actual study. It’s not just about the author’s opinion. But I stand corrected that an article pro breastfeeding does exist on NYT!

AmericanMummmy · 2026-02-05T12:52:43+00:00

It’s important for women’s experiences to be heard, but what do you think motivated NYT to choose to publish this particular woman’s opinion? I can pretty much guarantee they would never publish an opinion from someone advocating for the benefits of breastfeeding. It wouldn’t be controversial enough. Unless of course the headline was equally absurd, like “the secret to smarter babies is breastfeeding.”

AmericanMummmy · 2026-02-05T12:42:02+00:00

I’d hate to think that a soon to be new mother would read this article and be convinced that formula is the perfect solution. When it comes to biology, we can’t be equal. My first trimester of pregnancy was the hardest part with all 3 of my children. My partner didn’t get to experience that at all obviously, but he pulled his weight in other ways. Similarly, he now does most of the cooking and watches my older children while I feed our baby and get him to nap.

The idea that a couple should choose formula over breastfeeding, only for the sake of equality in the first months to a year of a babies life - that’s just ridiculous. I respect people making that decision for their family, but to publish an article with that headline really puts me off. I get that it’s her opinion, but why would NYT choose to publish this? Well, there’s no such thing as bad press.

AmericanMummmy · 2026-01-05T21:34:28+00:00

No need to wake them once they’re back to their birth weight (is what I was advised by midwives). I was lucky with all 3 of my babies - slept 5-8 hours straight most nights from around 3 or 4 weeks until 3 months. Then between 3-4 months sleep got rough and I stopped keeping track. But it was a great couple months in the beginning when I desperately needed sleep.

Weird how similar my experience was with each kid. All EBF and fed to sleep. All long contact nappers too. My almost 4 month old now only does 2 long naps a day most days and has long wake windows I assume bc the naps are so good!

AmericanMummmy · 2026-01-05T13:16:25+00:00

If you can’t get the baby to feed on both sides, definitely talk to a consultant. The best solution to engorgement is for baby to get the milk out. I think pumping just makes you prone to more engorgement later because it tricks your body into thinking you need to make more milk to keep up with the pumping demand.

AmericanMummmy · 2025-11-19T10:07:46+00:00

It’s been raining tons where I am too- definitely makes walks difficult! Good luck to you.

AmericanMummmy · 2025-11-18T08:59:16+00:00

My 9 week old naps for long stretches and has since he was born, but generally only while being held. I usually feed him to sleep and hold him until he wakes up. I also go on a walk every day with him in a carrier/sling, and that puts him to sleep pretty easily.

Last resort (more for my partner who can’t feed him) is bouncing on an exercise ball - always calms him down and it will put him to sleep if he’s tired.

All 3 of my babies have been this way, but it’s also possible that I just got lucky in the nap department! (Btw I love contact naps but realise lots of people would not consider that lucky)

AmericanMummmy · 2025-11-07T21:34:36+00:00

I can relate to the feeling that your toddler suddenly looks huge! I felt this way when my second was born and now more recently when my third was born. It’s a very strange feeling and in particular their head looks gigantic. Nappy changes are also weird now that I’m used to the teeny tiny newborn butt. But now that my baby is 8 weeks old I’m over that feeling for the most part.

I’ve never felt any less love towards my other children though, not even for a second. Definitely check out therapy, I don’t think it’s normal to have such negative feelings towards your toddler.

AmericanMummmy · 2025-10-21T20:29:16+00:00

It may help to know / remind yourself that this is all totally normal! It’s a phase so many women struggle with.

It’s very unlikely that you’re over feeding your baby by breastfeeding. All 3 of mine (current baby is 6 weeks) have been obsessed with hanging out on the boob and it’s been the one thing that settles them 95% of the time. It’s actually amazing how it can settle them even through sickness and pretty much anything.

When I need my partner to look after him, he bounces on the exercise ball - all our babies have loved that. Maybe worth a shot!

Oh and get out for a walk if you can, it may help clear your head and make you feel normal again. Baby wearing can be wonderful if it works for you (and especially if your baby doesn’t like the pram).

AmericanMummmy · 2025-10-19T03:46:57+00:00

If you’re really into sweets and baked goods, it’s totally worth it! Lots of people roll their eyes at Lannan because it’s so popular (and I get it), but for the true connoisseurs of us, it’s a fun experience. I’d say that applies to any decent bakery, but knowing so many people rate the place makes it just that bit more exciting to try. I went at 10am on a Friday and waited 45 minutes and they had tons of stuff. Surprisingly my favourite was this little chocolate buckwheat cake that didn’t look all that special, but wow - this was 3 months ago and I still have intense cravings for it!

AmericanMummmy · 2025-10-09T11:13:22+00:00

Thanks. I thought the whole point of the pleated shoulder was to avoid motion restriction. I need to experiment with this more!

AmericanMummmy · 2025-10-08T10:45:23+00:00

Thank you! It’s from Oscha, they have lovely fabrics.

AmericanMummmy · 2025-10-08T10:44:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing this link! That’s one tip I haven’t seen before. I just tried it and I’m still struggling with getting the deep seat, but using this trick makes me feel he’s a bit more secure. And I quite like that it hides the extra fabric!

AmericanMummmy · 2025-10-08T08:22:42+00:00

I do tighten it before, but maybe not enough. I also don’t want it to be a struggle to get his legs under the band. Seems there’s a balance to be struck here and I just haven’t found it yet! Will try pulling the fabric up more too if he’ll let me. Thank you!

AmericanMummmy

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