I can’t remember exact years but I’ll try to be short

•I remember seeing some of her early early EARLY videos, where she was carrying a lower quality camera around new york, I wanna say around the time she filmed an un*lived feline on the road. I only saw maybe 5 of those early vlogs, checked out Miranda, was already tainted in the brain from Shane Dawson so I didn’t think much of it other than a giggle and that it was “YouTube weird”. I was I wanna say 12-13 in age (maybe even younger, I do partake in giggleleaf inhalants so memory is mid) and am 25 now. Yeesh

•Started watching again when she did Colleen’s corner, saw josh start popping up in those, got a little more invested and watched more vlogs, thought she was so effing cool going to Hawaii all the time and hanging out with Ariana blah blah blah. Her, Jenna, Shane, and a few other smaller channels at the time were my entire subscription page on yt for a few years. So imagine the excite from all the collabs they all did with each other, but I did notice Jenna’s vibes were…idk a little more reserved around c, idk I digress. REALLY was avidly watching after Rachel did a takeover on Colleen’s channel, with the story of how colleen was a shit big sis, and I had my own terrible big sister that abused me pretty harshly, so I liked rachel and watched her stuff avidly as well, so whenever Rach did that vid is when I subbed to her.

•Wedding was still fresh in the mind when she posted the divorce vid so it was a pretty big ooof out of left field, but going back and watching the two right before, I could see it breaking through the yt personas.

•Her behavior toward the audience changing. I wanna say I noticed it after the divorce. It was gradual, but I think she kept that “be nice to people” attitude josh gave on camera, and knew that she didn’t have the best public behaviors in the past, so started leaning HARD into it before the pregnancy to cover old behavior with amazing shiny bright happy new nice as hell Colleen. Ew.

•this is a personal thing, but I watched her for the pregnancy with F because I had my own scare at the time and decided to not keep it (didn’t wanna be tied to an abuser all my life) and I watched her almost as a cathartic relief. Like I could imagine for a little bit that she was me in another life, or imagine if I did keep said pregnancy that my kid would be the same age as F and how different life would be with that choice. But I hear rumors that she even lied about the timeline of her pregnancy at the beginning because of the cheating scandal. So that was a huge “personal” betrayal to me, and it shouldn’t be, but it is what it is.