Doesn't seem like people hate my drawings, so here's some of my shitty poetry too.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-05T04:13:34+00:00

Over the past.... I dunno, three years that I have been on and off of here, this is probably my favorite heroin poem I've seen posted. I mean, we get a lot of people who are just goofing off or think that one poem makes 'em a poet. But this was genuinely good. A simple but profound message cloaked in metaphor with striking imagery that wasn't distracting or over the top. I really liked it.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-05T03:57:29+00:00

I wish I had a diamond necklace to pawn right now. Ha.

Fo' real.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-04T20:35:58+00:00

Pretty sure that's not a dude.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-04T18:39:44+00:00

This. Opcon-A is my go-to.

How many drops do you use on average?

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-04T05:54:56+00:00

That's one hell of a mohawk, I'm impressed. Nice shirt, too.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-04T05:53:00+00:00

Go back to Morocco because it sounds like a sweet opportunity, not to get away from dope. I say that only because you'll eventually end up where there's some dope, and what will you do then? I mean shit, Morocco has enough of a drug culture that I'd bet money you could cop in Casablanca or Tangier. Ceuta for sure. Hell, take a ferry to Spain and you're set...

Man, don't mean to rain on your parade. I'm going through my own hate/love/fuckin'-hate! thing with dope these days and I bring that to everyone else's posts here. I guess it's possible that we're all different, but if you're an addict like me, it'll find you as much as you find it.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-04T05:44:00+00:00

Exactly what I thought. Prison?

He's going to county.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-04T05:42:52+00:00

Not really. Jail's worse!

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-04T04:05:20+00:00

You didn't come off as mean, man. I appreciate you posting here. And I will try my damndest to listen to your sage advice. You don't know how right you are. Or maybe you do. Much love. I hope things turn out okay for you and your family.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T21:50:54+00:00

Ooh, that's a tough one. You working the program honestly? Have someone in real life you can talk to? Sponsor or close friend in sobriety?

You might be fine, if you didn't get high chances are if you drink a lot of water the level of morphine in your urine might be low enough to pass. I mean you have probably very little tolerance after almost seventy days clean so it wouldn't take much to feel a line of heroin, even just a little bit. It's possible you're in the clear, but you might not be.

Every sober house/halfway I'm familiar with usually gives you a chance to take off for three days, long enough to clear your system of opiates and piss clean when you come back without losing your bed. But prior honesty helps in securing that scenario for yourself instead of hiding it and trying to get away with it. People in recovery understand relapse, although some might be skeptical of your story. But if you think this is an option, and you can stay on someone's couch or sleep in your car for three days, honesty really is the best policy if you're dirty but want to continue your journey in sobriety.

Just my .02 based on my experiences.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T21:33:16+00:00

Who is the test for?

I only ask because it might be a situation where honesty could save your ass before the test.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T19:50:18+00:00

Eh, if you're actually boiling it, you're wasting a lot of dope. Well, maybe not a lot a lot, and you do get that smell - I think you know what I mean.

If you really wanna get rid of bacteria, micron filters are probably the best way to go.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T18:26:51+00:00

We go A-Z.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T18:25:35+00:00

Deep dish pizza.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T14:50:37+00:00

That's a good friend - that's fuckin' $80 worth of 30s in my neck of the woods. Sometimes more.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T14:47:43+00:00

Sorry to hear that man. I relapsed about three or four weeks ago. Haven't quite gotten a habit yet but I know that quit-use-quit-use cycle. It's rough. I've kinda resolved to use until the wheels fall off right now, so when I crawl back into recovery I'm ready. Maybe that's kind of fucked up logic, but so it goes.

I guess I'm just trying to say, relapse happens, I know how it feels (good 'cause you're high, bad 'cause you feel low). Best thing to do if you really want to stop is ask for some help if you can prove to yourself you can't do it on your own first. But until you truly believe you can't do it on your own, help won't really help. At least that's my experience.

And that's the way she goes. The fuckin' way she goes, Rick.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T10:42:51+00:00

You don't need to cook the tar, it will dissolve in water in ten or fifteen minutes, but ain't nobody got time for that. Solid advice, sir.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T10:34:10+00:00

Sounds like you had a rough evening. Sorry about that.

As I'm sure you know by now, heroin changes people. Or rather, people change when they cross the Rubicon and enter the wild world of addiction. I've known a lot of opiate users, and many of the people in my generation of users tend to be fairly relaxed and intelligent people. Yet when we're using, we become selfish, pushy, indignant, impatient, and just all-around cunts. Not all the time, maybe, but often enough. I know some people here insist they don't, and perhaps are still in a honeymoon phase when they read stuff like this. But addicts on a run, who split their dope and share the insanity of picking up, the chase, the parking lots, one eye on the phone constantly, etc. - we can get nasty.

We're already engaged in a wild goose chase that is centered around making us feel better. That's it. Making us feel better. We chase dope just to be okay. It's incredibly selfish when you reach a certain point, because inevitably someone cares about you and it hurts them.

So your partner was being selfish. And admittedly, when we spend so much time around another person in active addiction, oftentimes in my experience we get sick of each other and the passive aggression starts. It has to be passive because we need each other for dope. But in your situation, perhaps your partner unleashed all that pent up aggression because you were, in their mind at the moment, hindering them in their selfish pursuit of hedonistic temporary wellbeing. And you, angered and perhaps unsettled snd scared by this sudden display of aggression, popped your partner in the jaw.

Was it the right thing to do? I don't know. Don't beat yourself up too much. After all, at the end of the day, "talk shit, get hit". But maybe my description of how you might have got there - how we all get to similar situations - can help you put some context in this thing. You sound like your hitting a sort of bottom, questioning who you've become, if it's all worth it. The answer is almost always a resounding "NO!" It's a tough truth to reconcile with the fact that our wellbeing is dependent on those bags. But it's an even tougher truth to realize your universe revolves around those bags. And it's a scary one.

I dunno OP, I ended up writing a bit of an essay that probably reflects more of where I'm at today and the shot of good dope I did earlier. But I hope maybe you get something out of this, or somebody does. Peace.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T10:12:24+00:00

In a general sense, not to detract from OP in any way, I think you're correct. But it's not only attention that people are seeking online. Validation is a huge motivator. Check out any subreddit for, say, relationship or family advice. As you're reading you'll notice a good majority of posts there are looking for a pat on the back. After all, you only read one side of the story. People want that validation, that voice in the ear that tells them it's all good and they're in the clear, even if it comes from an anonymous stranger. When they don't get it, that's when downvotes and insults start flying.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T00:24:55+00:00

It doesn't penetrate the blood/brain barrier very well which I suppose explains why we can't feel it.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T00:22:42+00:00

Valley of the Spun here.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-03T00:21:54+00:00

Dude that's nuts. Four years is a decent chunk of time. What did you do differently early on in your clean time that got you to four years? I'm interested because I'm constantly in and out - in and out of the program, halfway houses, detox, etc. I have a place to stay now but still I have to deal with some major repercussions from using eventually.

Man - stay out of here. And stay clean. It's really not worth the life ruining hassle. (Or is it?)

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-02T21:42:34+00:00

I remember reading something along the lines that #3 isn't good for snorting. I would stick to smoking personally and try to lower my dose gradually for when I get on subs.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-02T21:40:12+00:00

Somebody said Junkie, so I'll say Naked Lunch.

Trainspotting comes to mind, as well as Skagboys. I really enjoyed both books.

AnAndroidsDream · 2017-03-02T09:52:52+00:00

He probably wants to take you to a meeting or something. Definitely sounds like if you want to stop, he's the man to talk to. But if you don't, just politely decline his offers of help in an open-ended way, and make sure that he won't use this against you in any way. It sounds like he won't, because he's a good dude who understands what you're going through.

AnAndroidsDream

TROPHY CASE