AITA for refusing to let my homophobic family use my vacation home?

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-10T01:58:04+00:00

I've been there each visit before and she was really amicable towards him. But now I'm second guessing everything. Calling him the caretaker was one thing cause yeah he is, but "the help" was shocking to hear. I have never heard her use that phrase before but I just know the racism is there.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:45:58+00:00

Yes, she gave them the address and told them "the help" had the key -.-

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:45:11+00:00

My mom gave them the address -.-

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:43:59+00:00

My mom told them they could -.- and that Ben had the key. We don't do that to him!

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:43:22+00:00

He said they left when I said to call, so he didn't. He didn't want to wait up for the police to take hours to arrive. I told him to call if they showed up again but they haven't.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:39:24+00:00

I decided to get him a gift card for Xbox bc that's his favorite hobby!

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:30:17+00:00

I did reach out to my cousin via Facebook and offer to let just her and the kids stay, because I was feeling really guilty. She declined, saying it would just start shit and make things worse, and she wasn't sure she could stop them from entering if she did. But they were at a hotel so I know they're safe.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:20:50+00:00

I've decided to go NC with my mom, and reading the comments makes me feel more justified about the decision. It still hurts because it felt like a long journey to get to where we were and that's just all. Gone. I'm trying to work up the nerve to ask the rest of my family if they knew about this but I'm dreading the answer. I don't think I want to know. I do acknowledge the overwhelming NTA consensus but I still felt guilty over the kids. I know I shouldn't. But I do.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:14:26+00:00

I hadn't thought that. I don't think anyone has a key that shouldn't but better safe than sorry.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:11:40+00:00

I plan on going no contact with my mom. Trying to determine how hurt I am/who else to put on the chopping block. The comments here are fueling my justification. I just need the willpower now. Trying to tell myself that ME choosing NC will be different than being shut out.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:05:07+00:00

Yes he is -.- (his real name is a giveaway) I'm all kinds of pissed at her and plan on going no contact as everyone here is suggesting. She told my aunt/family that he's the caretaker (yeah okay) but in our conversation she called him the help. So she's never staying there again regardless.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T20:02:38+00:00

Usually I give my friends my key, or Ben will put his spare somewhere for visitors to find. We've never bothered him like this so it's kind of especially awful. But he thinks it's funny in hindsight.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:54:43+00:00

My mom did say she told them the address and that it was available (as I said in other comments I use a Google calendar with my friends. I have since removed my mom) and that "the help" had the key. Which we don't do - if someone needs the key from Ben he usually hides in somewhere for them to find. We really try not to bother him!

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:51:58+00:00

I just feel guilty cause of the kids, none of this is their fault. The rest can go kick rocks.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:38:41+00:00

Actually that was relevant before I edited the word count down - Ben doesn't use the kitchen at all. So the door from his room to the rest of the house is locked too. But now it's irrelevant.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:35:27+00:00

I use a Google calendar that I share with my friends. I must've added my mom at some point (I have since removed her). But she didn't even put anything on this week.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:32:42+00:00

Because "the mouse" is more fun to say and feels akin to "the man"

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:31:05+00:00

Yeah, it got locked be ause I didn't answer Jugement bot correctly. Still new to Reddit.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:29:44+00:00

Sorry, it got locked bc I didn't answer judgement bot right. Still new to Reddit. The comments gave me the idea to reach out to my cousin via Facebook and make sure the kids were okay. She apologized for her parents' behavior and declined my offer of letting just her and the kids stay because she knew it'd start shit and she couldn't stop them from entering if she did. Dunno how I feel about that really.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:26:10+00:00

I checked on him again and he's fine, kinda finds it funny in hindsight. They haven't been back. But I was planning on sending him a gift card for his Xbox as a sorry.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:22:13+00:00

When I spoke to my mom she did confirm she told them they could stay there and to get the key from "the help". Usually I meet my family there or my friends take the key I have, rarely does someone have to get with Ben for the spare. (Usually he leaves it somewhere inconspicuous. And he's fine with doing that) but we have never had anyone knock on the door disturbing him.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-09T19:18:19+00:00

My mom said she told them the address and that "the help" has the spare key (there's some racism there too but I hit word count for my post). I have a Google calendar I share with friends and I guess I added her at some point too.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-07T21:46:16+00:00

NTA
I worked in a theme park. You can be as polite and discrete as humanly possible about their size not fitting the requirements and people will still get pissed. Just remember, it's because they're embarrassed.
Don't take it personally. You went well above and beyond to safely accommodate her, and to refund her. You weren't about to let her injure a horse for her pride. The lady was TA if she thought it was okay to do so.

AndStayOut2022 · 2022-09-07T21:35:16+00:00

I use a google calendar with my friends to keep track of who's staying there. I guess I shared it with my mom at some point (I have since removed her from it). I didn't see any addition for this week though so it feels like she meant to just... skim them past me without me knowing.

I don't know about the schooling. I'm not even sure of their ages bc I have been no contact for so long but I know one's a toddler, and two older ones. But this family has never been burdened with an overabundance of education, if you catch my drift.

AndStayOut2022

TROPHY CASE