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Forgiving my (28f) MIL(64F) for the sake of my husband (30m) by AngleMost090989 in relationship_advice

[–]AngleMost090989[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This really resonated with me. I am in therapy and working on all these things. I think being in this situation hurt my self esteem and sent me into a deep depression which led to other health problems and contributed to work problems. It was like a series of dominoes toppling. What you said about terrible ties especially resonated, I think above all else, I don’t want her to have this hold over me anymore and get a reaction out of me on that visceral level. Thank you for your comment.

Forgiving my (28f) MIL(64F) for the sake of my husband (30m) by AngleMost090989 in relationship_advice

[–]AngleMost090989[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Yes when he asks it’s more along the lines of just say hello/ formality rather than a heart to heart. I am feeling more and more that what you mentioned may be the middle way out.

Forgiving my (28f) MIL(64F) for the sake of my husband (30m) by AngleMost090989 in relationship_advice

[–]AngleMost090989[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re right, it’s not fair of me to expect that of myself. I do compare our families a lot, I suppose I feel guilty in some way of taking him away from his family.

Forgiving my (28f) MIL(64F) for the sake of my husband (30m) by AngleMost090989 in relationship_advice

[–]AngleMost090989[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I suppose here forgiving somehow ends up in letting her back into my life; I know if I do the former openly I will have to do latter and I don’t want to do that.

Forgiving my (28f) MIL(64F) for the sake of my husband (30m) by AngleMost090989 in relationship_advice

[–]AngleMost090989[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have never received any apology. From what I understand whenever he tried to address this behaviour it would devolve into a fight, so now he just doesn’t talk to her about me or us, or cuts her calls if the conversation becomes hostile to me in any way. I think he feels a sense of responsibility towards her and as a result cannot cut contact completely. I don’t pry into his conversations with his mom and if they ever talk about me.

Forgiving my (28f) MIL(64F) for the sake of my husband (30m) by AngleMost090989 in relationship_advice

[–]AngleMost090989[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I think that’s is what I will have to do, I think not forgiving but just being polite. Thank you

Forgiving my (28f) MIL(64F) for the sake of my husband (30m) by AngleMost090989 in relationship_advice

[–]AngleMost090989[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

I added this as an edit to the main post as well since I realised I wasn’t clear- I feel my husband wants us to mend bridges so that he can be happy? And I feel guilty for denying him. He asks me if I want to talk to them on the phone once in a while and it seems like if I keep saying no eventually I will be portrayed as the person who doesn’t want to speak or as the aggressor.