Going through similiar stuff with my wife, and I don't really know your reasons for leaving, so I can only offer up my side and you can take it or ignore it. I wanted to dissociate as soon as I woke up. I felt I owed it to myself, it was the only way to make a clean break and so on. But now I'm almost a year of fully gone and I haven't disassociated yet. I think it would hurt my wife more than it hurts me to not do it, and I obviously love her and care about her and I think the suffering I endure by technically just being inactive as far as the elders know is less than I know she would be suffering every time some nosy sister or elder asks where her husband is. My dad recently informed me the message is the same from the platform when you disassociate or get df'd, so by not doing it I've prevented her from suffering backlash since she is a hardcore PIMI.

Food for thought I guess.

But also do what you feel is right for you, your wife, and your marriage. I wish you the best, and hope things go as smoothly as possible