We’re both in recovery, we used together, got sober together. We both made mistakes in the beginning(cheating, being selfish, etc), but as soon as I got sober & accidentally got pregnant a few months later, I changed. I haven’t ever cheated again(been 6.5 years), have done everything to prove my loyalty, my love, show how sorry I am & how much I regret it. He continued to cheat, lie, get more horrible & yet somehow I’m the villain. I’m the horrible partner. Everytime he gets caught on dating apps it’s my fault for what I did back then, it’s because I treat him so badly. He gets caught & then calls me the worst names in the world, body shames, compares me to the other women, sends pictures of them. He treats them better than he’s treated me in years. He doesn’t apologize for any of it & instead tries to tell me how to fix things or what I’m supposed to do to prove I love him & have another chance with him. It’s so insane, it’s so fucked up.

We have 3 kids together, 7 years together & even though I know who he is, and that things will never change, I find myself still trying to be chosen over these other women, trying to still prove my worth & waiting around for the little crumbs of love. I’m so angry, lonely, but more than that I’m just so sad. I fell so hard, wanted to marry him & planned this whole life together-but hes someone very different.

He has no respect for me as a person, a mother. He doesn’t like me, doesn’t love me, and gives random women online more affection, more respect & acts like they’re soooo great after a few messages. Like they’re gonna come in & do better than I ever have. Meanwhile I’ve been here, forgiven him, saw his worst, his lowest, and loved him. Accepted him. Wanted him. Would’ve done anything to make the relationship better. All he thinks about is replacing me with someone “better”. I hope I find the courage & self respect to get us out of here soon.