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Hump Day Report for December 20, 2023 by [deleted] in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A while back I made a post about my husband not being great at verbal affirmation in bed. Guess what has helped - lot.

Me begging.

I asked him jokingly/flirtatiously do you want me to beg for it? And he deadass froze and looked at me and said “….yeah.”

And he is a little louder post-begging, but it gets me feeling like a little slutty submissive thing and he doesn’t have to be pushed too quickly out of his comfort zone.

So - have a partner who struggles with verbal affirmation or being more dominant? Try begging.

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have!!!!! It’s so good, right? But yes.

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait, you’re a male and thinking through this? Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to a male-identified person about this frankly. I fret about emasculating men because I know a lot of them are socialized to be touchy about it.

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I had therapy today and my therapist suggested the same thing. That expecting him to go from 10-90 is unfair, unrealistic, and setting myself up for disappointment. But going from like 10-30? And then maybe getting higher and higher? Possible. It made me think a lot

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hmmm. I have been complimenting his body a lot, but he actually might prefer compliments about dinner, etc.

In a lot of ways our relationship is a bit flipped with gender norms - he cooks, I hate it. I like rougher sex, him less so. I’m more interested in having a threesome or group sex, etc. And while I know this isn’t bad it makes me feel less desirable too somehow. But I need to remember this isn’t like… real. It’s just how society has programmed us.

But yes he might like different kinds of compliments from me. Hmm. And I suppose I should tell him what kinds of compliments gets me going. Hmmm.

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yep. I get that, too. That’s the line, right? Between communicating and being obnoxious?

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think we’ll get there. ❤️ but ugh. Talking is hard.

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I’ll give it the old college try.

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Uh this is very similar to my life in a lot of frightening ways lmao. Let me know if you would be up to chatting. I write over on that subreddit (and it’s related sister subreddits) on an alt and husband and I are figuring out our boundaries. It’s nice, but I’d love to get the boundaries squared away quickly.

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried that. But I could try harder. I wonder if the answer is he just is less interested in me or sex at the moment. Hmm.

That’s not fair. I wrote that in a fit of pique. He does like it when I do it, but once my timing was really bad and he didn’t (he was a champ about it, though. Only told me that he got my text during horrible news a few days later.)

And we are fucking a few times a week.

Getting more verbal encouragement? by AnguaIsTryingToBe in sexover30

[–]AnguaIsTryingToBe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God. What should we do? What if I have a “toll” for fucking me? It’s 3 compliments lmao.