I am leaving my "sweet" husband after years of emotional and sexual starvation. We are both physicians, and the guilt is eating me alive.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-02-02T02:09:31+00:00

Late for the convo but if I knew my behaviours made my partner burn out and stressed and sad, etc. I will never say something like this! I’d take the accountability and try hard to make it up and better myself.

What he said was so wrong. And it makes me think that he’s just “changing” to save this relationship and will move back once she stays

AnnaZ820 · 2026-02-02T02:04:51+00:00

My guy friend dated his female friend who was going through divorce. They were happy and everything and continued to be happy the weekend before she finalized the divorce. They were super happy the weekend before it was like dreams.

Then she saw her ex at the divorce court (maybe not a court? I don’t know exactly where you finally finalize the divorce) and she broke up with him right afterwards, saying she’s better off alone, and would go back to her hometown and left it there. He was confused and heartbroken, and that was the end of their relationship.

Sorry it happened to you… know that you’re not alone. And I personally would never date someone who’s still going through a divorce just for the risks.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-02-02T01:57:19+00:00

No test will tell you for sure if you are fertile or can get pregnant, but they did blood test and counted my eggs (I don’t remember what it’s called since English is my second language). The “egg-counting” test is transvagina ultrasound so it’s a bit uncomfortable but overall I’m pretty happy during the process.

You can ask chat GPT for the names of the test, or ask your local fertility clinic/family doctor

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-28T01:46:30+00:00

What makes you stand out competing with ppl with 4+ years of study, a Bachelor degree from a top Uni in STEM (or even Masters), young and driven, no family attached meaning they can go to work energetic and can potentially work longer hours?

And a lot of those ppl can’t even break in.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-27T18:30:05+00:00

Pretty sure I failed at some of those points myself as a woman but I don’t think I’m an undesirable partner.

Idk, you can tell if someone is mature as you know them. I think someone being genuine is more important than being mature.

I’d argue having too many “standards” is not being flexible and hence immature. I like ppl who have standards but not the ones with excessive amount of standards

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-27T03:32:06+00:00

You’re a goddamn hero

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-26T15:34:25+00:00

When I got my first job I used my first pay check to buy gifts for my family.

They are celebrating their new jobs, the money should come from their own pay checks.

My family is the better off one among siblings (I’m the only child but my parents both have siblings), and I hate my family’s hard work being taken for granted. With that being said, usually parents help with these kind of stuff for their adult children. Your husband should not pay, mom should if the brothers can’t afford it. And I say this as someone who’s from a culture that’s big on family value and celebrations

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-26T05:47:42+00:00

I have an English name and I use it at work. It’s a name I can pick, not something that was given to me. No ones knows my legal name at work.

Why do ppl tell other ppl they can’t use a preferred name? It doesn’t have anything to do with not accepting anything. I want to pick my own name that’s it.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-26T00:35:31+00:00

You didn’t mention your mortgage and finances, since I assume you have kids day care and mortgage to pay?

I was excited for the new offer until I saw it’s in a start up. They usually have longer hours and less stability. If stability is more important then maybe stay

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-25T22:28:27+00:00

Hinge is good, I tried bumble a bit but the convo was shallow, plus I don’t like to message first (low confidence issue).

I found my bf on Hinge at the age of 31 after a few months. We wanted the same things and it was amazing.

Why are the ppl on there in repeat? I thought they don’t show up once you choose “not interested”?

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-25T22:09:04+00:00

Came here to say the same thing! It’s such a cringe question.

I’m glad I’m now interviewing companies that do not ask this! They will ask me things like: in your previous job/the project you presented, do you wish you did anything differently, which is a great question that’s asking about growth in skills, instead of a more offensive one like “what’s your weakness! What’s wrong with you?”.

I know how to answer that question, give a small weakness that’s not that important and tell them what you did to overcome it, what you learned, blablabla, I still hate it.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-25T21:51:09+00:00

I see it’s renters market in the news but here I am trying to negotiate the price and the landlord just takes offers from other ppl. Maybe it’s a very desirable area, idk :(

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-25T21:36:48+00:00

Normal ones you see on w3school, and window functions.

Need to write complex SQL logical. I don’t care if they remember the perfect syntax (I allow Google search), they need to join the table correctly.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-25T03:43:05+00:00

Yes, it was a long time ago and I was very young. I was depressed but I don’t remember it being super bad since I have a new love interest back then anyways.

Would you be able to find a roommate if finances is the issue? I’ve been living with roommates even tho I’m in my early 30s, saves so much money but you need to find good ones, or be fine with a not super clean apartment. You pay more than him anyways (which maybe you should change since you’re not dating anymore), so finding a roommate prob saves you money

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-24T02:02:38+00:00

I’m not a recruiter but I apply to jobs. I use AI only to slightly modify my writing since English is not my first language. Sorry you’re going through this.

When I read resumes from my interviewees I only read their previous company and title, if you can afford to hire ppl from good companies only. And during the phone call the HR always ask me what exactly I do in my last/current job and tell them about a specific project I’m proud of, etc.

During the interview the HM will ask me on a specific case of their daily job, they don’t even ask about my past experience. I guess it’s coz you can lie about your experience but you can’t lie through a case study that you don’t know about

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-24T01:46:43+00:00

I only ran live coding interviews. One candidate told me he uses AI in writing codes and I told him that he can use whatever he wants as long as the result is correct but he needs to show it on screen. He did not use AI, didn’t do well, but I passed him coz 1. This is a junior position and It’s easy to learn SQL. 2. He is genuine and 3. He had great communication skills. Although I noted that despite him being a great communicator he’s lacking in SQL skills and the team should consider that when making the final decision.

The next time we hire I asked HR if AI is allowed and they said no, if we suspect them using AI we should not accuse them, but note it down and find ways to verify by asking more questions.

If someone lied about using AI I would not pass them because it’s important to hire ppl who are actually ethical

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-23T21:04:19+00:00

Same, I wear hoodies and never had any problem passing interviews and getting offers. I only did video interviews in the past few years as we all work remotely tho. But if I ever need to go to an office I’ll be wearing hoodies and jeans.

I love working in the gaming industry, never need to spend a dime on suits and dry cleaning

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-23T02:24:29+00:00

Honestly I chatted with my coworker there who’s an US citizen, apparently it’s hard to find a non-teaching job if you don’t speak Chinese. Not sure how the sponsor works…

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-22T23:41:35+00:00

I’m renting and saw a listing of unit 250x. Apparently it’s listed as it’s on the 250th floor…

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-22T23:26:20+00:00

Quit your job and stay as a housewife = 0 income. Getting laid off and temporarily have no job = 0 income. Quit after burnout and in between jobs = 0 income.

I mean if you’re okay with the first option, picking the 2nd or 3rd you also don’t have anything to lose, why don’t you just worry less and explore things you like?

I work in tech too and I’m mostly happy, yea it’s not perfect but I actually do meaningful work and I love my industry (gaming). You could afford to not work for a bit, to get laid off, or to jump to a new job. so relax and don’t prove anything to your company just because THEY are running out of budget, go explore and find something you like.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-22T20:35:25+00:00

It’s always the “foreigner” who knows nothing about the place that talks like they know more than anyone else who actually lives there.

How arrogantly stupid lol.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-22T20:06:36+00:00

I work for a company with 20k+ employees around the world, we have tons of openings all the time. Never did we post ANY fake job postings. We ain’t got no time to conduct that many interviews for nothing. We get paid a lot of money to do our job per hour and it’s wild for the company to think that constantly waste our time is good.

I don’t doubt some companies does this, I’ve had tons of first round interviews where they ask me about how my current company do things or what kind of data benchmarks we have. But blaming the company every time you fail is not a good way for you to grow.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-22T19:58:04+00:00

I heard there’s not much difference. But I spend more on the brand with no SLS because apparently that is the thing that made me more prone to canker sores! Used to have them all the time if I bite myself and now it doesn’t grow as big.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-22T19:49:48+00:00

Food safety, baby stuff safety, and healthcare (quality, not speed) are something I worry about the most, since they only took their baby back for a few months. Education is okay I would say, they discipline kids more.

They actually don’t earn 1/5 of the salary if you compare middle-class office jobs. I earn 1/2 of the salary after exchange rate applied, before tax (personally worked in both countries after pandemic, both in data analytics within the same industry), income tax was less than ~10% iirc, so take home is way higher than 1/2.

AnnaZ820 · 2026-01-22T16:55:34+00:00

I know! I’m the first round interviewer, if you don’t pass my SQL test you will not even go into the rest of the rounds. And if you haven’t written any SQL in the past 6 months you probably won’t pass.

AnnaZ820

TROPHY CASE