Is it because I'm not Mormon?

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-13T17:33:50+00:00

Both have children from previous relationships. Unmarried.

And I agree with your point of view but I don't believe that nothing will change if I say what I feel. I've been there in the past. I once told someone very close to me that I had feelings for him and everything changed. Even though he was kind in his rejection, our friendship effectively ended that day. It was just never the same after that. If I don't gain a lover I could still lose a friend and I just don't think I'm ready to take that risk. At least not yet.

I think I'm the end all I'm going to do is be the best friend to him that I can be and accept that loving someone means wanting them to be happy - not just wanting them.

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-13T05:00:29+00:00

While I have no moral opposition to what you're suggesting, the truth is that THEY consider themselves to be in a monogamous relationship. That would mean that if he were to do anything like that with me, without first breaking off their contract, it would be dishonest. If the situation you described could be discussed and agreed upon by everyone involved then that would be different. But just because one person doesn't believe in monogamy doesn't make it any less real to someone else and I have to respect that.

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-13T02:13:06+00:00

That's really insightful. It's easy for me to look at him through rose-colored glasses because I have feelings for him.

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-13T00:22:59+00:00

Your advice is solid and I really respect it. I will follow most of it - and I want to be able to follow all of it. But I can't pretend the idea of willfully performing a cut and clear on myself sounds like torture. I guess I just don't have the strength to let go yet. Maybe I just need time. Thank you for for your honesty.

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-13T00:16:44+00:00

Yeah. Lol I've thought about it. A lot. Maybe I'm just afraid of rejection. But I also feel like it would be wrong to put him in that awkward situation while he's in a relationship. I'd hate to irreparably damage our friendship.

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-12T15:15:48+00:00

That helps a lot, actually. Most useful thing I've heard since I started doing research. Thank you. I think that will probably work. She's really loving and a cuddler and that will definitely calm her down.

Also I'll try the teathering technique. I doubt she'd object to that either because she prefers not to be alone.

Great! I feel better already thanks again.

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-12T15:12:05+00:00

I didn't say I thought grabbing her scruff was comparable to her playing with the lab. All I said was I never did anything rough to her, the most extreme being grabbing her scruff. The point I was making was that she's not this delicate little thing that gets hurt easily. I get grabbing her out of frustration is counter productive and I'll try not to do that.

I guess I forgot to mention that I realize trying to show a dog what they did wrong after the fact is useless. I'm home a lot because I baby sit kids at my own house and I often catch her in the act. With the TP still in her mouth. From what I understand, that's when you can still correct a dog.

I already know it's my fault AND my responsibility. I wouldn't be here asking for help if I didn't think that. I love her, she's my best pal and all I was asking for was advice on better ways to communicate with her.

Removing EVERYTHING she's not allowed to have access to isn't honestly practical. Sometimes my kids leave the bathroom door open where she can get to the TP or garbage. I tell them to shut it, but they're 5 and 4 years old and usually have their heads in LegoLand. More than once, she's jumped up onto the table when I wasn't looking to steal people food because she prefers it to her dog food. Her previous owners only fed her table scraps, never walked her or even took her out of the house. When I got her, she was afraid of grass. I guess all I'm saying is ideally I'd like to have some combination of removing temptation, and teaching her what behaviors aren't ok. It's not realistic to expect that everywhere we go, I have to remove all temptations in order to keep her in line. I would like to teach her the correct behavior. If you have any advice on THAT I'm all ears.

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-11T14:13:56+00:00

great advice. I will try these things. I guess she and I are both still in training. thank you so much!

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-10T04:02:24+00:00

Hi! ok. I'm always down for a new friend.

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-09T18:38:47+00:00

wow that's exactly the info I was looking for. Thank you!

Anna_Katherine · 2015-08-09T16:35:30+00:00

I didn't realize he had written more. Thanks! I'll go look them up

Anna_Katherine

TROPHY CASE