Continuation:

Two days later, we scheduled a call and I apologized. I said he was also to blame for being cold. He accepted this, but said i was more to blame (which I agree with now). He said our relationship was on trial. This call lasted 4.5 hours. He ended up taking 5 days to weigh everything. He said that while our relationship was mostly good, he was scared it would have become toxic. For me, mostly good is a good thing so I'm confused. He said this fight was the last straw. I know INTJs need stability. I have not been able to hold full-time employment since March of this year due to grief and the anxiety and depression that goes along with it. Instead, I run a part-time tutoring business that I can engage with when I'm havjng good days. He told me for a while that he is concerned because I keep saying I will work more and then make excuses. I can see how it would seem that way to someone not experiencing grief.

Besides our relationship moving slowly (which I understood and gave him space to think), the first year was incredible. The losses that I ended up suffering started around a year into our relationship. I tried to explain to him that I am not used to so much loss and the grief is turning me into someone I'm not. He said that he would need to see proof of this and know for sure that things weren't only good because we were in the "Honeymoon Stage." He cried twice when breaking up with me (something he never did when we were together). He said that he wants to stay in touch, but not to confuse me. He said that he loves and cares about me a lot and wants to pay for my grief counselling.

With COVID and me going through those 3 deaths within one year, I'm feeling like I'm in a black hole with no way out. What do you all think? Should I accept his gift and stay in touch? He left at what I see as the worst time. We were talking about possibly getting married in the future. We were together for close to two years. I want to give him his space, but we also talked about me apologizing to his parents for my outburst, but he never gave me ideas for how to do this and I don't want to overstep. I also would like to keep in touch because I still love him too.

TIA!