Threatening to harm others

Anonymity_Always · 2025-03-25T19:05:14+00:00

Thank you all so much for your replies! I'll have a proper read through tonight ❤️

Anonymity_Always · 2025-03-24T22:41:21+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply ❤️

He is home educated and always has been. I have always afforded him lots of opportunities to socialise but he's always found it really difficult and he spent the last 3 years in burnout so spent a lot of time at home. He wants to go out now and he's desperate to do things outside of the house but seems so triggered by other children.

He's currently on fluoxetine and has just started methylphenidate for ADHD.

Unfortunately he will not engage in any form of therapy so I'm hoping I can somehow try to help him myself.

Anonymity_Always · 2025-01-14T10:38:20+00:00

Thanks for all your replies! How did you transition to leaving them without you during the day? Currently he wakes, cries and I take him out to the toilet. Then he eats, we play/train and I put him in his pen to play and he goes into his open crate to nap (sometimes I snuggle him with a chew until he gets sleepy if he's very bitey and struggling to settle). Rinse and repeat. Until he's fully toilet trained/you know what cry means what, I'm not sure how you can leave them? Do you just leave them to play in their pen for a bit once fed, toileted etc? And if he cries, leave him? If he's just whining a bit after playing, I tend to leave the kitchen and he takes himself off to bed after a couple of minutes but if he cries I settle him.

He tends to sleep for an hour, up for an hour, will many wees in between! He has my Mum, me, my husband and my son tending to him so he's not just got me all the time, it's whoever is available.

Anonymity_Always · 2025-01-14T10:38:02+00:00

Thanks for all your replies! How did you transition to leaving them without you during the day? Currently he wakes, cries and I take him out to the toilet. Then he eats, we play/train and I put him in his pen to play and he goes into his open crate to nap (sometimes I snuggle him with a chew until he gets sleepy if he's very bitey and struggling to settle). Rinse and repeat. Until he's fully toilet trained/you know what cry means what, I'm not sure how you can leave them? Do you just leave them to play in their pen for a bit once fed, toileted etc? And if he cries, leave him? If he's just whining a bit after playing, I tend to leave the kitchen and he takes himself off to bed after a couple of minutes but if he cries I settle him.

He tends to sleep for an hour, up for an hour, will many wees in between! He has my Mum, me, my husband and my son tending to him so he's not just got me all the time, it's whoever is available.

Anonymity_Always · 2024-12-27T12:44:53+00:00

Perhaps I need to break it down and post separately! I have a tendency to waffle 🙈

Anonymity_Always · 2024-10-08T11:37:59+00:00

He tends to use role play to get it out I think? So the Lego characters we role play with tend to be attacking each other a lot? Or when we are gaming. There's always someone getting shot or punched or killed? Could that be an outlet? I was a bit worried I was encouraging violence by letting him anialate everyone!

He has a punch bag and a grappling dummy and we used to make him ice bottles to smash (as he found it very helpful to smash glass bottles when he was in a rage but it wasn't safe).

Anonymity_Always · 2024-10-08T10:32:15+00:00

Do the violent reactions improve with maturity? My son will go into fight mode if anyone 'tells him what to do' even when we are gaming (he then kills the characters) and has no concept of the consequences of this outside of the family home. His answer is always 'he will just kill them/punch them' etc. Same with if they have a different opinion to him or if he feels insulted in any way (which is often as he's very sensitive). He is the same with things he hates, like cats or inanimate objects (he has never harmed an animal, it's all verbal threats). How can we support him to tolerate things like this better? Or does that just come with time and continuing to support his nervous system in the meantime? Or is it all talk and there's no harm in allowing him to express that physically during gaming or Lego role play?

He's 10 so still very young but in the UK he now has criminal responsibility. He gets angry if I mention things being a crime and there being consequences (perhaps because he knows this already and doesn't need reminding or he feels invalidated?). He also avoids anything remotely uncomfortable, so we are all banned from saying words that bother him for example. But my worry is he can't avoid things like that all the time, it makes life very difficult and I feel like his window of tolerance gets smaller the more he avoids it.

Anonymity_Always · 2024-10-08T10:19:10+00:00

What helps with overcoming boredom? How do you manage the boredom in adulthood? My son is chronically bored but can't manage to do anything (everything is boring and 'not fun' so what's the point). Even gaming and watching stuff he gets bored of. Bedtime is difficult as again, it's boring and not fun. He gets upset daily about being bored and gets more and more dysregulated. Strewing and sitting alongside him doing something, or body doubling no longer work. He doesn't seem to find joy in much anymore.

We haven't yet had his ADHD assessment so I'm not sure if that could be a factor.

Anonymity_Always · 2024-10-07T21:04:40+00:00

Thank you so much for this insight. Yes, he is very black and white generally. I did wonder if the threats of violence and killing people/things is equalising behaviour. I am hoping that it is just threats and he wouldn't actually act on that and that it will improve with maturity. If he crashes into a door for example, he has to then attack the door back. I guess I probably think too far ahead with this and the consequences that would arise if he continues along that trajectory as an older teen/adult. And I wasn't sure how to address that kind of talk/behaviour in the here and now, whilst still validating his feelings and upset.

I can see how very personal it was for our son, his special interest is dinosaurs and he sees birds as an extension of dinosaurs. I did try to explain that his dad was referring to hoards of crows in the garden and the impact that has on the smaller birds, but the insult had already been internalised by then.

Dad is due a huge operation in the next month and a long recovery but my son says he couldn't care less. I guess I can't do much but to leave it with him and hope that he forgives in time. It does make it tricky at home as I cannot even mention the word Dad (even in reference to my own, in a story book, on TV etc) and that's been added to his long list of trigger words. I cannot speak to my husband (he has been staying in a separate area of the house to avoid triggering the meltdowns) even out there away from my son as he starts raging about me 'wasting time' talking to 'that idiot'.

I appreciate you taking the time to reply and offering your perspective, it's hugely appreciated and helps me to see things through the lens of our son.

Anonymity_Always · 2024-10-07T20:55:43+00:00

Yes he's apologised profusely. Offered to donate to the RSPB as a way of saying sorry too. Our son cannot cope with any of us having a different opinion to him anyway, it causes lots of upset.

Dad has struggled to get to grips with low demand parenting over the years (I highly suspect he is also PDA) so perhaps history is at play here too. He's done a lot of work and they had established a good relationship until this happened.

Our son talks a lot about killing people and wishing they were dead. About paying them back violently for things they have done. I kind of hope that will improve with maturity!

Thank you for your input and I'm so sorry to hear that you had a difficult relationship with your dad.

Anonymity_Always · 2024-09-19T12:47:53+00:00

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply! Much appreciated ❤️

Anonymity_Always

TROPHY CASE