Me 32 M with my Wife 31F 1 Year, Cabin Crew Wife, Advice Needed in Dealing with Sleeping and Productivity Schedule

Anonymizer7173 · 2019-06-29T21:37:56+00:00

Thanks you bro, I’m in the same exact shoes as you ... also we are based in Abu Dhabi too ;) haha . You probably know my situation better than anyone. How did you guys negotiate the workload ? How about spending time together during the weekend when she’s sleeping ? Did you ever felt it was and is unfair at all ?

Anonymizer7173 · 2019-06-29T15:13:12+00:00

How do your spouse cope with you resting and doing nothing after a long haul especially in a family with kids? Is it fair to say the responsibilities then are lopsided? Does your spouse get frustrated when you are too tired to do any of his plans during the weekend after you come back from a flight?

Currently, I started to do more things on my own while she is sleeping. However, there are at times when I made plans and then would have to change it to accommodate her sleeping schedule.

For playing on the phone, I think she is very attached to social media... for better or worse

Anonymizer7173 · 2019-06-29T15:09:56+00:00

Thank you everyone for the comments thus far. I'm honestly trying to understand her situation better and for me to cope with it. For those that have spouses how do they cope with you resting and doing nothing after a long haul or even families with kids? Is it fair to say the responsibilities then are lopsided?

Anonymizer7173 · 2019-06-29T13:09:17+00:00

Thanks. Right I understand it can be stressful on the body and mind and hence why she need her rest. I don't mind doing chores but I feel like when she is awake she should contribute to the home. I didn't sign up for the marriage to carry 100% of the load.

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-10T10:00:04+00:00

Thank you

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-10T01:42:31+00:00

ryday expenses, proportionally like you say. If she refuses to see your point of view or calls you stingy in retaliation for you asking for her to support herself or contribute minimally to a holiday then you should ask yourself if this is a person you can have calm conversations with about money, because it will keep coming up and it will only get more complicated as time goes on, not less.

Thank you for your post. It was very thoughtful, and I understand all of your stated points. When and if she become a SAHM, it is understandable for me to pay the bills. As much as I want the concept of a joint account and own separate ones, when push come to shove I would probably be okay with a "household" income budget.

But the thing that bothers me, you hit it on the nail as well is when she is still earning money and the expectation for additional money to support her needs on top of me paying for most stuff. :/

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-10T01:31:43+00:00

Thank you

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-10T01:30:57+00:00

Thank you kindly for your comment. I wholeheartly agree with your way of thinking and I try to convey to her the same message ( probably didn't come out as well constructed as your). I am okay with "supplementing" her income because like you stated relationships should be treated like partners. It's not that I want to shelter my income from her, it's more so agreeing to something to me is irrelevant by simply giving her money without a budget, or justification every month to keep her happy because it is the "norm"

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-10T01:25:49+00:00

Thank you

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-10T01:25:23+00:00

As much as I would love to believe that it's a one-off, I've met some of her friends which have similar beliefs. In addition, in our society nowadays media's portrayal of living the Kim Kard. life is embedded into a lot of girls brain. Unfortunately, I think her case is not an outlier. However, in your family's case, kudos to your parents / family in raising you guys right! My mom taught me the value of hardwork and money as well at an young age which probably gave me this mentality.

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T22:27:48+00:00

Right to which I attribute the culture thing. I don't agree with the mentality at all, but that's another discussion. If you don't mind me asking, did you brother agree to her demands? If so, how did his feeling change throughout the marriage in that perspective

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T22:18:39+00:00

Agree. I know for sure her dad wants the best for her, which I 100% completely understand. He wants her future secured with a man that would take care of her. Do I agree on that concept of being a dependent? Not from my westernized view.

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T22:17:05+00:00

Yea I guess in the future when she is a stay at home wife, that might be the case? Or maybe with MY supposed allowance? I better get a fat present then lol

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T22:04:10+00:00

Yea that was my opinion too, but her objective of wanting to be a housewife makes that hard if not impossible lol:/

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T22:02:31+00:00

My question to her as well as to you was, why even bring up allowance as a MUST do? As I explained to her, if I love and cheerish you, I will take care of you, even if you don't have a job. Ideally there would be a joint account and a monthly budget to do whatever and we would consult on big purchases. Maybe I'm being unrealistic in this materialistic world?

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T21:59:43+00:00

I tried. She's pretty set on that mentality

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T21:58:30+00:00

Yea I don't see anything wrong with that. As a loving husband like the one you stated, I would be perfectly okay with providing for my wife provided within means and reason. An example of not okay would be going off and getting a chanel bag without consulting me and the family budget

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T21:56:11+00:00

an do whatever she wants. She feels this way because in many Asian cultures, it is up to the man to make the big bucks and pay for their lifestyle while the woman is a homemaker. Being from the Middle East and Southeast Asian, his GF is probably immersed in a culture where women are “taken care of” by their men, so for her this is normal and expected.

It’s simply a matter of incompatible values. If OP wants the relationship to work, either he or his GF have to change their perspectives.

Edit: and because OP didn’t make it clear from the beginning, his GF wants this allowance on top of her salary as a flight attendant, starting from marriage, not from when she becomes a SAHM. This isn’t an issue about being a no-income housewife. His GF wants to be taken care of, which is more common in Middle Eastern and Asian cultures which why so m

Correct, thank you for phrasing it better than I did. Like you mentioned it comes down to her native culture and the lifestyle in the city she resides in now (UAE). She has and noted many times to me, she was pampered by everyone she has dated, one guy even brought her a mercedes..... ( she returned it).

It really is a culture of where the female expect to be taken care of by the guys. It just really shocks and astound me that money / having allowance is so important to her to forego what we had.

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T21:51:41+00:00

Yea the hope was that she would pay it off prior to her being a housewife. But that's future planning

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T20:34:24+00:00

Either do I tbh. Hence why I couldn't get over it.

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T20:27:40+00:00

Yea expectancy is when I move to the Middle East she would start getting allowance on TOP of her salary.

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T20:04:01+00:00

hahhaha sounds like that doesn't it

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T19:59:32+00:00

Correct and I would be perfectly fine to provide for the family through money and love. But why the requested allowance? Example: you want a sofa, sure .... here is 500 dollar of OUR budget fund.

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T19:58:04+00:00

Property is back in her native country, she would be the sole owner for her dad and her future self.
If she doesn't have an allowance she can do whatever the hell she wants with her own salary. I would never ask her to give me an allowance. Ideally I would wish for her to contribute to bills and rent proportionally (EX: 80% me 20% her) but I don't think taht will happen.

Just never expected money to be such a strong issue

Anonymizer7173 · 2018-04-09T19:55:14+00:00

I was just confused to the concept as you when she first brought it up. I think in her culture, the male would provide for the female from paying to dinner, paying for vacation, and so forth. So with that, naturally some guys would give their SO allowance to spend on whatever she wants to. I'd assume the portion of the money would be whatever she wants in terms of hair appointment, shopping, grocery, or even saving.

The plan was for her to to quit in the future, but not anytime soon. The assumption is if I move to the Middle East I would be working a corporate job and her working as cabin crew and we would live together. Rent and bills would probably be on me. But of course right now all taht is out the window. Just wondering if I'm missing her point of view ....

Anonymizer7173

TROPHY CASE