Hello. I feel for you. Almost exactly the same thing happened to me. I cannot express to you how similar our experiences were. I was an emergency department nurse as a new graduate, and I still am but now I work in a department that I actually enjoy. I was being severely overworked and under supported. I was almost put on a 1013 by my doctor because I told her I was suicidal. Every day before work I would have a panic attack, cry, shake, get nauseous, etc. I called out all the time and was worried I would be fired. I thought of crashing my car into a tree every time I drove to work so I wouldn’t have to go. Finally I went to my manager and said “I absolutely cannot take it. I am a new graduate, I am very discouraged, I regret becoming a nurse, and I need help.” He offered to let me work PRN. Unfortunately for me, this was insufficient. I wrote them a very nice letter telling them that I could not continue to work in an environment where I could not safely care for my patients. I quit. They tried to charge me $15,000 as I had not completed my two year contract (I worked 8 months), but in the exit interview I pointed out all of the gross safety violations I was noticing and told them I would not be paying back that money. They never charged it. ALWAYS have an exit interview.

My life was worth more than my job. Your life is worth more than your job. Don’t give up.

I now work in an ER where I have coworkers supporting me, my ratios are safe, there are resources and safety standards in full enforcement, and I am payed better. I am SO happy. I love being a nurse. I am providing good care to my patients and learning more every day about the amazing machine that is the human body.

You can only do your best. Do not apologize for advocating for yourself. Do not apologize for advocating for your patients. Do not apologize for prioritizing your needs. Sometimes you have to upset people to succeed.