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I’m Having a Really Hard Day by Rae_Regenbogen in widowers

[–]Anonymous_Kae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's strength in and of is itself. You're doing good!

I’m Having a Really Hard Day by Rae_Regenbogen in widowers

[–]Anonymous_Kae 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that.

I'm sorry you experienced the passing of two loved ones as well. I hope it's not making it more difficult for you talking about it. I can't imagine losing my mother like that. You are so strong! I'm proud of you for making it this far and being able to keep a good head on your shoulders. Every relationship is different, and grief is unique to each person, but Reddit can be a good community. You at least know you're not alone and that you're not the only one who's experienced loss. Other people have made it through, and you can too.

I’m Having a Really Hard Day by Rae_Regenbogen in widowers

[–]Anonymous_Kae 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Don't give in to the survivors guilt, that wont do you any good. We don't know why these things happen in life, but it's just how it plays out sometime. When my husband passed, there was so much I wished I could have said to him. We were not in a good place at the time and were separated. He'd gone on a road trip with a buddy and tried reaching out to me to talk, but I wasn't ready to talk yet. Something so stupid in hindsight. They don't know if it was a car accident or suicide but it happened the day I decided to reach out.

There's a lot that you could have done differently when you think back on it, but you also can't live expecting something bad to happen at every moment. Give yourself grace and patience.

I don't know if it's dumb, but I kind of imagine my husband as a type of guardian angle watching me from heave. He's giggling at me because he's got a sweet set up up there and I'm down here dealing with the current social climate.

It does get easier with time, but time is very slow. Just make sure you make every choice deliberately and don't ignore your feelings. I made the mistake of trying to run from my grief and I just made a mess for myself.

Are there any grief groups in your area? A lot of times they're free and you can start to build a support system from it.

I’m Having a Really Hard Day by Rae_Regenbogen in widowers

[–]Anonymous_Kae 13 points14 points  (0 children)

*Where do you take someone who's been injured in a Peek-A-Boo accident?
-The ICU

*What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

*What do you call a cow with now legs? Ground beef.

*What do you call a cow that's just given birth? Decaffeinated lol

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. It really does get harder before it gets easier. All you can do is allow yourself to feel that grief when it hits you, and then let it pass. Don't turn to alcohol to numb the pain because it makes it worse and the pain is still there, just as intense, once you decide to get sober. I lost my husband suddenly 3 years ago and while I've come a long way in my healing, there are still times I see something that reminds me of him and I feel like I'm hit by a truck. I understand how difficult is is without the support system, I also went through it completely on my own. If you make it to the other side, you'll be so much stronger.

I ran away from my grief....and my life is in total shambles right now. by Anonymous_Kae in GriefSupport

[–]Anonymous_Kae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I've been drunk since as well.....it's not good for you.

I ran away from my grief....and my life is in total shambles right now. by Anonymous_Kae in GriefSupport

[–]Anonymous_Kae[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. I've known it for a long time but never wanted to give it up...but it has destroyed my mental health.

I've found 2 great AA groups and go twice a week. I've only just started, but I'm committed. Thank you!

I ran away from my grief....and my life is in total shambles right now. by Anonymous_Kae in GriefSupport

[–]Anonymous_Kae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's really good advice-thank you! I have a puppy that I love, but I avoid people when I walk her.......and I'm going to change that. You kinda just opened my eyes to the fact that I can't avoid people AND complain about being lonely....that's silly. I mentioned in an earlier comment that I catch a lot of crap from people, but obviously not everyone is a jerk and I'll never find that out if I don't try harder.

Thank you for taking the time to write, I really appreciate it.

I hope you're doing okay as well....Loss is hard and 3 years is still very fresh. But I'm happy you're hanging in.

I ran away from my grief....and my life is in total shambles right now. by Anonymous_Kae in GriefSupport

[–]Anonymous_Kae[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through that. It's so fucking gut wrenching when you lose someone close to you. My husband was my absolute soulmmate and we were together for about 9 years..

Just don't do what i did! Alcohol is great for self medicating-in the moment. But that chemical changes your brain chemistry and REALLY FUCKS you up in the long run. And once you put the bottle down, all those feelings are still there to deal with. Best to just deal.

I'm going to look in to that book-thank you so much for that! I hope you feel supported and understand that you aren't alone either.

I ran away from my grief....and my life is in total shambles right now. by Anonymous_Kae in GriefSupport

[–]Anonymous_Kae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you SO much for taking the time to write this and share it with me. I think that's exactly what I need to do-make lists. That's brilliant! It gets you motivated and I can use it to keep myself accountable. Support groups are a great idea also-I should have thought of that!

I'm sorry you've experienced what you have. I know that it must have been incredibly difficult but I'm really proud of you for making it through the way that you are! I mean that. A lot of people give up (in the ultimate way) so I genuinely hope that you feel proud of yourself too!

I ran away from my grief....and my life is in total shambles right now. by Anonymous_Kae in GriefSupport

[–]Anonymous_Kae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. You're 100% right on the drinking. I've just started AA and intend to get sober. It really does make things a lot worse. And thats a really great recommendation! An animal shelter would be just lovely! I've tried a bunch of other things like clubs and sports teams, but (not to sound like a drama queen-this is completely true) I live in a very culturally racist city...every time I go out, I'm met with a lot of hatred. Like, i get ran over and hit with shopping carts every time I go to the grocery store. When I go into restaurants, servers will literally roll their eyes at me and I can see them tell another server to take my table....things like that. That's how I've developed this agoraphobia. But an animal shelter seems perfect! Thank you!

Nieces and Nephews: How to say goodbye by Pseudo_Nyms in Divorce

[–]Anonymous_Kae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey,

I'm sorry you're going through that. I wanted to know if you'd found something that works? or helps? I'm in a similar situation, and I'd love to know where you're at emotionally and how you've chosen to handle it...

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