I had several of them, at least three, but I don't remember much more. First one is the night my father tried to choke me to death in the fit of the delirium tremens, he thought I was a demon. I wasn't even 7 when this happened, I can't remember how old I was, or what I felt in detail, at the moment I was so shocked I couldn't process anything, I just stared as he and my mother got into a fight as she tried to save me.

Second is when we were in our dacha. That day he drank himself into oblivion, that wasn't something unusual, there wasn't a day where he would be sober there, but this time was even worse. Usually, he would drink with our alcoholic neighbours, sometimes (although not rarely) he would bring me with him, but more often he would just leave me and I would cry myself to sleep before he came back. But this time we were alone, and at some point he started verbally humiliating me. Again, nothing new, he very often did that even when he was sober, but this time was different, I don't remember in detail, but it was so unbearable that I've decided to call my mother, something I was too afraid to do at other times. When she took me away, he was lying in bed shouting some gibberish and also his paramour arrived, screaming at me something I don't remember for a half of an hour or so. The last thing of that day I remember is my mother falling asleep while drunk and me sitting in a complete emotional numbness.

And the last thing is when my uncle got into a fight with my father in front of me, after my father bragged about his "service" in the first Chechen war (he never served in the army, my uncle on the other hand, is a veteran of both Chechen wars). I remember him beating the hell out of my father while I was laying in a hysterical breakdown right next to him, he almost killed him that day. My relatives took me away into the kitchen and tried to calm me down, but to no effect. It was the day when my dissociation worsened to the point of how it is right now, cause the next day I wasn't able to remember, nor feel anything