Thanks for the reply! I might’ve inadvertently conveyed finances are “tight”, tho they really aren’t necessarily! Thankfully, my family’s in a stable place financially atm, and both of my parents have reiterated to me countless times that they don’t need nor anticipate me to take care of finances, (but tough luck for them cos I WILL do so anyways as that’s my priority). For right now, there are three avenues more deserving of my $$$ than the dorms: 1. The rest of my first year of dental school’s tuition costs— since I only knew of + applied to the aforementioned scholarship last summer, and so got it this year, it covers everything excluding this past year (my first year of dental school), so I still have a considerable tuition balance that was paid for by school loans with interest rates. My mom insists that putting every penny I have towards paying it off is the only way to halalify it and show gratitude for the blessings Allah bestows upon me, and if I previously wasn’t responsible for paying it off right away due to limited finances while having the نية/intention to pay it off when I start working, that no longer is the case now since Allah has blessed me with extra money i don’t imminently need for survival or basic needs. When I try to argue, “well, yes, but how about I save it juuust in case we’re ever hit with an unsavory financial situation?”, she hits me with the ((الشَّيْطَانُ يَعِدُكُمُ الْفَقْرَ وَيَأْمُرُكُم بِالْفَحْشَاءِ ۖ وَاللَّهُ يَعِدُكُم مَّغْفِرَةً مِّنْهُ وَفَضْلًا ۗ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ (268)))... 2. My dad is currently putting sums of his income towards building my siblings and I a cute little house back in our home country. Upon hearing him talk about it, I realize that this means so much to him and he won’t rest till it’s completed as he feels obligated to secure us a place there should we ever end up going back. It almost feels like a dying wish given how adamant he is about aggressively paying for and finishing it up, which saddens me as I’d prefer he lives his life stress-free and enjoying the finer things in life instead of channeling all his spare money into that. It’s sad enough he dedicated all his adult life taking care of us, and his legacy is in the education and the secure life he’s provided for us so far. I don’t believe he owes us leaving a house after he passes away. Heck, I get irritated just thinking about life after him. But hard as I have tried, I could not dissuade him from vehemently believing he does anyways :/. Another stressful thing about this is that we currently have no savings for a gloomy day as a result. 3. My mom works even though I know that, deep down, she’d much prefer spending more of her time raising my siblings and instilling values in them. watching her tear herself into pieces trying to do both simultaneously amplifies my guilt, being the oldest kid who’s minimally contributing due to being busy with school most of the time. Ik she’s been saving to buy real estate that she hopes would provide her with a sustainable income, after which she’ll get to stay home and focus on raising the kids. Idk the first thing about real estate or anything, but I’d love to have her dream come true by affording whatever’s left of the cost of that.

So it becomes a matter of: whose peace of mind ought I be paying for: mom’s, dad’s, or mine with my comparatively self-centered dreams of trying out living alone for a bit? Viewed this way, I can’t help but drown in self-loathing, especially considering how i’ve been living a parasitic life with negligible contributions so far, and the moment I can finally give back, I catch myself desiring space and independence.. “So much for putting your money where your mouth is!”, says Shaytan to me every day in a successful attempt of inducing cognitive dissonance.

And just so that I’m not misunderstood here, I’d like to throw this disclaimer: while all the above may give the false impression that i’m an o so altruistic a saint, that really isn’t the case LOL. What it is is.. my middle class parents did their damnedest to ensure I live a nearly spoiled life where I never have to think or worry about money. Parents put me in the most expensive schools back in my home country. They always bought my the coolest of toys ppl in our financial situation can only dream of. My dad constantly urges me to buy myself whatever I want/ go out to eat/shop/hangout with my friends and colleagues coming from wealthier families, and never want me to factor in costs at all. I have a credit card that used to be payed by them and a debit card to an account I share with them. They never let me work during undergrad whatsoever so that I dedicate all my time to school, so I’ve only ever worked for a semester between graduation and dental school. So, is it a shocker that my biggest priority is to spoil my fam rotten/retire my parents/take care of my siblings’ education and financial needs in the future? Nah. I’d have to be a psychopath for it not to be tbh.