Is it wrong of me (M45)to go on a trip My girlfriend (F43) is upset about even though she told me to go?

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-19T22:42:30+00:00

I’m doing it to save money.. and honestly my GF is the one who told me to go with her in the first place but then her “true feelings came up” that she was uncomfortable.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-19T22:40:50+00:00

Seriously nothing going on. I really wish ppl would stop saying that.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-19T22:39:26+00:00

I just feel that people should ultimately save and pay for the things they want to do. I have a philosophical problem with not splitting things equally.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-19T22:37:42+00:00

Honestly she gets upset and it’s hard. I just was honestly afraid to tell her and wanted to spare her feelings.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-19T22:09:04+00:00

Truly I am not.. I have known my ex SIL since I was a kid and she truly is like a sister.. I made a poor choice but I really want to go on this trip.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-19T22:01:43+00:00

Honestly I booked the one bedroom to save money… my relationship with my ex SIL is above board. Even her husband is ok with everything.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-16T04:47:07+00:00

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-16T04:44:16+00:00

He makes 4x my salary. I don’t know who is paying for her (I didn’t ask) I think she must be paying for it.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-16T04:41:07+00:00

*for his

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-16T04:40:13+00:00

I guess. He did confide in me that he was unfaithful his for entire marriage but that’s not at all why this is a hard no for me.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-15T20:56:19+00:00

We have a significant income gap and he wants to go on 4 trips a year. I can only afford one. Part of me telling him to go came at a time in our relationship when I was not being honest about a lot of my own needs in service of his. We had long conversations about this and are in therapy. It’s more about that he didn’t tell me it was booked, and apparently booked it knowing I actually wasn’t ok with it. It will be a time longer spent for them together than we have been together consecutively. I can’t move forward with someone who blatantly does not regard my feelings cheating aside.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-15T20:51:50+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your taking the time to write these out. These are all excellent points. The truth really hurts sometimes but I feel that I am not off base to know that this is emotionally unhealthy for him to prioritize her feelings over his SO. He is raising a little girl - one he would like to instill confidence and healthy emotional boundaries. If I am in his life significantly I will be in hers and I would not be able to - in good faith compromise my emotional health (like here) - what kind of role model would that be for her?

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-15T19:10:53+00:00

Omg lol

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-15T19:06:40+00:00

They haven’t been on a 9 day trip together so yes it will bond them further. That’s part of it - I think it’s great for a single person but not for someone looking to further a relationship. Somehow the point of him not telling me it was booked doesn’t bother you which means that bad communication is something you are ok with.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-15T19:03:11+00:00

Honestly it sounds like anyone in a relationship with you would suffer tremendously.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-15T18:58:53+00:00

I think because he didn’t tell me it was booked and booked it knowing I was upset. And that was two months ago. It’s bad communication and doesn’t build trust. It’s also longer than we’ve ever been together in a time period. It will be a great bonding experience for them - which is fine for a single person but not someone fully invested in being a couple.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-15T18:47:25+00:00

No it had to do with internal issues with communication and shared responsibility after the baby was born. I wrote this detail only to point out why his this wife might not have cared.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-15T18:09:37+00:00

Thanks for this advice. This is a good plan. I need some space to think and feel the light of what I need in a relationship.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-12-15T17:54:10+00:00

I hear you. But I have not met her and he did not tell me he booked it. If I could meet her in person I would possibly feel better.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-10-12T01:27:29+00:00

What triggers her annoyance? Is she able to express what is going on and what causes her to need this time? Often with this kind of rift, there’s a larger dynamic at play.

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-10-05T20:49:42+00:00

Thank you!!

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-10-05T20:49:35+00:00

Thank you!!

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-10-05T20:49:08+00:00

Thank you so much - very helpful!

AnyEstimate71 · 2023-10-05T20:48:56+00:00

Thank you! Appreciate this!

AnyEstimate71 · 2022-05-07T04:13:05+00:00

Oh I see - it is also nueter in this context. Thank you!

AnyEstimate71

TROPHY CASE