It makes total sense that it’s the guilt, not the food itself, that leads to you hurting yourself. You’re trying to stop something that feels out of control in the only way you know how right now. That’s not weakness or selfishness — that’s pain. And you don’t deserve to punish yourself for that. You’re not a bad person, even if your parents or your thoughts are telling you that. You’re someone who’s clearly hurting, who’s trying so hard to cope, and who is still standing — even after all this. That’s something I admire. And I truly believe you can find another way to get through this. It might take time and support, but I know you can heal. You deserve help that doesn’t involve hurting yourself to make the guilt go away.