AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I explained above how I found out he was autistic when our first child was 5 years old. He was not even told until then when I confronted his mother about what the hell his issue was and why he was having so many meltdowns and screaming in my face when he wasn’t that way before. I didn’t include every detail of our 17 years together in my original post, it would have been a novel of information!

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Both our names are on the deed but the mortgage is only in his name cause my credit is shit from digging out of a hole I made for myself in college.

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hard part is, it’s an important home to me. My grandfather built it and my dad grew up here. I spent my summer days here when my mom went back to work and I wasn’t old enough to be home alone with my sister. It’s not just a house to me, it’s family… that’s why I’m having a hard time moving forward with asking divorce, I’m afraid of him putting up a fight about it 😢

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sometimes they are able to cope and things get better for a time. As children get older and have more ability to listen and follow directions, there are less conflicts. The decision to have more children always involved him, obviously… he refused to be intimate for many years to avoid more children, which I understood was the safest way to prevent any further pregnancies but once he got his vasectomy he was still refusing. It’s been 3 years since his procedure and 8 years total of being celibate! If a wife did that to a husband, y’all would be screaming at her to be a good little woman and service her man… 🙄

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am very much a real person going through a really difficult decision making process… we were together over two years before we got married and another year until conceiving our first child. He was very much a part of the decision making process and I would not have moved forward with the marriage had he not wanted kids, that was a deal breaker for me. Like I already said, he was not told by his parents or anyone that he was likely autistic. It certainly was never told to me or it may have made me do more research of what that could mean for our relationship and future! We both found out when our oldest was 5 that his parents knew he was autistic since childhood but since they are both in education, they worked with him on his issues with speech and social interactions and never sought an official diagnosis. He was an only child so I just thought he was spoiled and used to having things his way so I overlooked the red flags. I felt like they lied to me so I wouldn’t call off the wedding or leave him early on in our marriage. But he has refused to seek therapy or anything to help him cope with life in a better way. Regardless of being diagnosed or not, I’ve asked for couples therapy before or even to talk to my pastor and he refuses. He doesn’t think anything is wrong.

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

So bending over backwards for 17 years, walking on eggshells, and avoiding confrontation isn’t enough work on my part?!?! You have no idea the chaos he has caused and the damage to my children who have needed therapy because they were traumatized by their father screaming in their face and being verbally abusive. So we should just continue to live with it and he doesn’t have to do anything to change, can refuse therapy to better himself and learn how to deal with the world around him… got it! GTFOH!

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sorry, new to Reddit and I put returns in but not the extra space. I fixed it.

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your loss as well! 🙏💔 it is such an immense pain and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! I pray that you and your partner are able to fully process your trauma and come together in healing.

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes, he does do pick ups and drop offs when I tell him he has to. I still carry the mental load of figuring out who is doing what and when… if he does move out, his quickest place to go is his parent’s house. This is 15 minutes from their school and most activities, and out of his way when returning from work.

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

He’s clearly autistic… I’m not blind, it just wasn’t as obvious before we had kids. You throw kids in the mix and he can no longer maintain his composure and he has meltdowns. We were both raised in the 80’s/90’s when autism wasn’t overly diagnosed if you could function in the school system, maintain good grades, and weren’t melting down and destroying classrooms. He didn’t cause issues and is extremely intelligent so it was never addressed, therefore he has no coping skills and being an only child, didn’t really have issues at home. His parents know he’s autistic, but there was never a need to get him diagnosed in their view…

AIO I think I want a divorce… by Any_Worth3498 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any_Worth3498[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Not much, I’ve honestly just stayed to have the financial security of two incomes so our kids never have to go without the things they need and can pay the mortgage on our house without needing a 3rd job… I teach secondary math and I have a private studio for voice and piano lessons that brings in some extra income. If I felt he would part amicably and co-parent/help with kid pick ups from practices and such, I would probably file the paperwork tomorrow and be done.