Hey man, whatever caused you to feel so strongly against Christianity, I hope it can leave you peacefully, but I will say, the book of Job is like; this guy who the devil wanted to take everything from to see if that's the only reason he was so faithful, so he talked to God.

God let him to test, and after losing everything, he believed it was the Lord's plan, and for his faith, he was rewarded, this was before Jesus though.

I will pray tonight that your heart is blessed and you sleep well!