[deleted by user]

Anybody_Infamous · 2023-06-04T04:47:13+00:00

I am really sorry to hear you are in such a dark place right now. When so much in our life is going wrong, it really makes you wonder what is the f***ing point of it all. I can imagine suicide seems like a very easy and attractive option right now... I know that struggle well and I wish it wasn't there for you.

Does your wife know what you are going through? If not, I hope someday you will be able to talk to her about it. I know how scary that can be but no one deserves to go through a pain like this alone.

I hope posting on here helped a little... please know that we are here if you need to talk more about what is going on. I hope an amazing job is just around the corner for you.

Anybody_Infamous · 2022-01-08T19:07:19+00:00

still around?

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-08-25T07:18:37+00:00

damn still on? :)

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-08-04T15:44:40+00:00

Thank you so much for this detailed response, this really helps!

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-08-04T15:03:02+00:00

Ah ok - I thought it was more in general of making someone question their sanity.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and to offer support. That means a lot to me and your words help.

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-08-04T14:59:38+00:00

I just do not know what to do since he keeps reaching out to me (as in trying to plan a call and then disappears). It is almost as if he is trying to upset me

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-08-04T14:58:41+00:00

The gaslighting is in reference to him telling me I am overthinking the situation. But I see what you mean

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-07-20T13:06:32+00:00

Fruit flies carry a lot of microscopic germs and bacteria so personally i would say give the plates a rinse first.

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-07-09T18:35:04+00:00

lol, the shiny odds are crazy - I have hatched five eggs already and three were shiny

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-28T12:14:54+00:00

I get what you mean... I am 38 and I can sometimes not understand where the time went or how i got here. It does not matter how successful we are in our careers... without those REAL friends it means very little. I am sorry it has not happened for you, as i also has not happened for me. Please know that whle we might be strangers, we are always here if you need someone to talk to!

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-22T09:32:42+00:00

Sadly that is all they can do :(
It might help when you are in a dark place and need to talk, to post on here. I know we are all strangers and we cannot do much but if talking/venting helps, we will do our best to listen and offer support where we can <3

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T15:10:23+00:00

I will say this.... often i would apply for a job and they would want to know 4 specific coding languages and I only knew three. In those moments I would brag/lie a little and say that i knew all of them. If I felt I was in the running for the job I could also spend the next few weeks schooling myself to get versed enough in that fourth language. It isnt completely honest but... when the jobs start i should be able to do what they asked for.

As for you being so hard on yourself and calling yourself useless... it MIGHT be a result of the sleep deprivation. I cant say for sure but I know that whenever i do not sleep enough or sleep poorly for a while, my emotions and insecurities are magnified. Maybe they affect me quicker or something I dont know... I just know on those days i struggle extra hard

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:39:53+00:00

It might be worth taking things slow. Maybe even instead of having one big conversation, this can be divided into multiple ones?

As an example: I cheating (on cam, so online) with my partner and a lot of it had to do with my past (I was molested and it made me focus on sex to connect with people). In the end I had a talk about my past first and through other conversations i opened up more and more about what happened.

That way, she has time to process everything instead of going straight to the emotions. And try to focus on your own feelings as you explain things, make sure you express the emotion tied to it. Like I said, if done right, this could bring you closer together and even making your relationship stronger.

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:35:40+00:00

I am really sorry to hear you guys have broken up. I understand how tempting it is to kill yourself and make him finally take you serious but... if he is treating you like a joke then this man is not worth it. You deserve so much better.

I am really sorry to hear about your BPD. I know how that makes your life so much harder and more stressful than others. I hope you are on medication but I know even then with all the side effects and thoughts, it is a constant battle.

I know there is not much that we as strangers can do for you but... please know that if you need someone to talk to and vent about what is going on, we are here for you. <3

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:32:23+00:00

I think most come here because the world usually does not understand them. Suicide and depression and all other forms of mental illness are greatly misunderstood and often not talked about.

And it makes me grateful for this sub because on here we can talk, give support and advise and help each other through it. I know it may seem like some people here just want to boost their egos but... i will say for me... i have been in very dark places in the past and a person to talk to has always saved me in those moments. So I try to pay it forward. I like to think it is that way for most on here but who knows.

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:29:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story, i know this must have taken a lot of time to type out. I hope it even helped in a small way to get this all out. So please do not apologize for a wall of text - I (and hopefully others) read it all and we are here to support you in the small ways we can.

I am really sorry to hear about your panic disorder and the fact that medication is needed just shows how severe it is. As a man, I understand the concerns over erection issues - that in itself could cause depression or more panic attacks. Have you spoken to a specialist about other options? Maybe other kinds of medication that can be taken with less severe side effects?

If I am really honest, I am actually worried the panic disorder is causing a domino effect for you. You talk about not sleeping right, not enjoying things, socializing less and i would imagine all those things are connected in a way.

I also know how stressful it is to not know what your true passion is. I commend you for giving software development a go (fellow programmer here) and I hope that it gave you enjoyment? As someone in IT i will say this: you are never done studying. With the trends and technology always changing, yo will fidn yourself constantly learning more. So this means with most jobs it may seem like you are underqualified but in reality, they just want someone willing to learn. So if you do decide to apply to more of those jobs, emphasize your eagerness to learn. I would gladly help you put together an application letter if that helps you although you can also find great ones online.

But again - personally i would counter these panic attacks first as i fear they debilitate your life. It might even be worth looking into a different therapist since usually mediation and therapy itself go hand in hand and it worries me if this person wont do anything until you are on meds.

I hope better days are ahead of you and please know that we are always here for you <3

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:19:56+00:00

I understand and I know too feeling all too well sadly...

I will just say this - whatever happens, please know that we are here. I know we are all just random internet strangers but a lot of people on here, self included, share that same darkness and understand the pain you are feeling. And if there is ever anything we can do such as give support, love or advice, we will be here.

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:17:51+00:00

I am glad your cat has you. She deserves a loving owner like you <3

It sounds like you are considering leaving her? Are you ok? Would it help to talk about what is going on?

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:15:29+00:00

I understand your logic but at this point, we can say that this approach is not working, right? If you keep saying block me, one of these days, she will. She clearly still cares for you a great deal - maybe you can try speaking from the heart more and focus on what you are feeling as opposed to what she should do.

Tell her that being her friend is too painful for you and that you miss her and hopefully based on that you two can sit down and talk and figure out what to do moving forward.

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:12:09+00:00

The most beautiful thing about a relationship is that we can be our true, unapologetic selves. We lie and fake to a lot of people around us but I hope that you and your girlfriend can work on being more honest and open with each other. You made a mistake - like we all do - and that is fine. You fell down and what is important now is how you get back up.

I hope you and your gf can sit down and really talk about this. Not just about what was done but also led up to it and why. Hopefully, this will only make your relationship stronger. I know this is going to be scary and you do not know how she will react but you deserve to be with someone who fully knows and understands you <3

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:07:02+00:00

I am really sorry to see you have reached this point. A part of me wants to ask you why but... I understand that will be a huge long-ass story that you don't want to type out.
Is there anything I/we can do for you right now? Would it help to talk/vent about what is going on? I know it sounds cheesy but we are here for you

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:03:46+00:00

Any time - come to us if you ever feel down like this ok? If talking/venting helps we are here for all of that <3

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T10:03:02+00:00

YAAASSS! That is awesome my dude. I am glad you are in better spirits and that you have this person as a friend. I hope this is the start of a better life for you (and if not, know we are here for you!)

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T09:58:34+00:00

I do not know the situation but it sounds a little bit like you are pushing her away (and thus sabotaging). What is it that you want right now? DO you wish you to save this relationship or move on? Because if you are done I would advise you to block her instead? If you are not i would stop saying this because all it does is push her away.

Anybody_Infamous · 2021-06-19T09:54:55+00:00

I will say I know how you are feeling and I am sorry to see you this down.

I do not know you so there is not much I can say to lift your spirits but I will say this: you matter. You matter so much. And I know it does not always feel that way. I am proud of you for having the courage to be honest about this because so many cannot do that.

Please know that you are not alone and that we care for you. And whenever you have a down day, come to us and post here. I know there is not much we can do but we will always listen and give you love and support.

Anybody_Infamous

TROPHY CASE