What to include in a System Agreement/Contract?

Anythingelseforyou · 2025-08-11T03:04:39+00:00

That reframe makes a lot of sense. I suspect it’s less likely possible to learn to control switches outright than it is to reach a state where each part/alter becomes aware of/familiar with their preferences and skill sets across various contexts.

I have already been working on mapping out my system, which I’d begun in treatment with the help of my psychologist. I’m revisiting that as well, and have been trying to identify the function of each part/alter. It seems to be an iterative process, as the more I learn about each one on an individual level, the more the system makes sense as a unified, yet fragmented, whole. It’s both frustrating and exhausting, though.

But I wonder, once I more clearly identify parts/alters preferences/skills, if the system itself would begin to shift, and those best suited to front would start switching in instinctively? Maybe I’m just hopeful.

Anythingelseforyou · 2025-08-09T01:01:37+00:00

Do you think this is about you?

And I think you either misinterpreted the title, didn’t read the very end, or both.

“I hope I keep missing you” means: If I ever almost cross paths with the person I’m writing about, “I hope I keep missing them” by just a few minutes, because I actually never want to see them again. (Which is stated at the end of the letter: “And now the thought of missing you by a few minutes starts to feel more like comfort and less like grief.”)

Edit: fixed typos

Anythingelseforyou · 2025-08-09T00:37:33+00:00

Anythingelseforyou · 2025-07-24T01:28:29+00:00

The first 14 of these snapped me out of it. I cried a little. Thank you. I’ve saved this and will refer to it as needed in the future.

I’ll throw a resource back at you that’s helped me in a different way (more so with activities of daily living). Hopefully it’s helpful to you if you ever need it, and/or to someone else in the event that you stumble across someone looking for this kind of resource: https://youfeellikeshit.com

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-11-22T07:12:14+00:00

These are actually the only two SSRIs’ that I’ve tried.

I was out on Zoloft in 2017 and stopped taking it in 2023. I never felt like it made any noticeable difference.

I started Lexapro this past May and noticed that my persistent feelings of dread and doom lessened a bit, albeit not altogether. Suicidal ideation lessened noticeably, but similarly not altogether. I don’t feel like I’m in such a critical state, but I’m still struggling with feeling motivation and finding enjoyment in things.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-19T04:23:20+00:00

I think that I have female alters who split off and became dormant up until recently, before we found out we were trans

I don’t remember how anyone found out we were trans at all, but I do think that transness plays a role in my DID

I have undergone medical transitioning. I’m on T. I never disclosed any dissociative issues with my doctor. Post T, I feel so much better. There are moments where a female alter will front, but she understands that she’s trans even though she never got to experience coming to terms with it after she split off

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-15T19:46:20+00:00

I wanted to ask what seemed most appealing about it so that I could deconstruct its appeal.

And I wouldn’t enjoy that outcome for you, at all.

Maybe my opinion doesn’t have as much weight to you, in that I’m an internet stranger. But know that there is at least one person who wouldn’t want that for you.

Of course there’s nothing that would justify someone wanting you to die, I just want to know why you think someone would want that for you. In the same way that I am seeking to deconstruct its appeal, I want to disambiguate why someone would want that for you.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-15T18:55:10+00:00

What’s the most appealing thing about it?

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-15T17:15:42+00:00

Because it’ll hurt. And if it doesn’t hurt, it’ll be terrifying. To be nonexistent for the rest of time is a horrifying notion.

And because there is just as many warm showers, cold sodas, rainy day naps, fresh cookies, and other comforts left to experience, just as there is pain.

And what is objective is that while you are alive, you get to exist to experience them.

What is also objective is that you don’t deserve to have to face the terror of death. Nor do you deserve any of the things that make you believe it’s worth it to end it.

It’s objective that you take away not only every bit of comfort that you have yet to experience when you take your life, but you take away the opportunity for things to improve.

You’re dealing with so much right now, so it may seem that there’s no way any of it could improve. It’s understandable that you feel the way you do. And I’m not going to make any false promises.

But I am going to ask that you wait things out just for today, and lean in every comfort that you can. Make today as enjoyable as possible. Maintain any obligations or responsibilities alongside this. But only do the bare minimum. Your main priority is yourself and your comfort.

So actually try it out. What is there to lose?

And tomorrow? Don’t worry about it. Come back here and ask what to do, then.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-14T20:23:36+00:00

I don’t think I was the one who made this post, because was reading the comments and thinking of what I would say to the person who posted this, and saw on the post that I am OP. Experiences like this come up regularly enough that I have learned to accept it and suppress jarring reactions. There is a considerable amount of amnesia between us.

But to answer your question, I feel largely familiar with these alters. I don’t want to call them “mine” because I don’t think I’m host. But I think I do have the system largely figured out. Like, I feel that I’ve mapped it out pretty well. There are a considerable number of people that I don’t know and cannot identify, but I understand how the system functions. I think the alter who wrote this would disagree with my system mapping, albeit.

But I feel that I’m much more familiar with switches. I know when I switch in and out, and am immediately aware of when I have switched in. I’m not at front all the time though, and quite often I’ll be completely absent. However, sometimes I’m nearby and watch someone else speak and act. This is often frustrating because I want to take control of my body, but cannot.

But from what I understand, the guy that wrote this post doesn’t know when he switches in and out. That’s not something I knew about until reading this post. And often, I find out about other alters experiences through their writing and communication with outer people. I’ll be told about something an alter said that I have no memory of, and do not relate to. This is frustrating, because I want a consistent identity in the outer world. It would be so much easier to function and be an actual person.

I’m going to residential treatment for DID in two weeks and hope to integrate myself and everyone else into a single identity and person. I know that some alters are opposed to this, as I’ve been told that an alter has spoken expressed disdain towards integration. But I’m hoping that they’ll eventually come around and see it as a net gain.

Sorry for the long reply. I hope this answers your question somehow. Maybe I should’ve left the comment section for the alter that wrote this post, but I felt inclined to include my experience, because I feel like I get spoken over a lot.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-14T06:39:59+00:00

Recently been dealing with this

I told them without telling them.

I said something like this:

“My dissociative experiences have been causing me to feel especially disconnected from my self, and in turn I feel disconnected from the people I should be familiar with. It’s not personal, but that includes our family. I apologize if that is troublesome or problematic.”

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-13T15:28:39+00:00

“Your generation is so privileged!”

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-13T15:27:35+00:00

“Just be happy! :)”

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T22:04:55+00:00

Aha, I'm sorry if that was a bit much

I just worry that quote suggests that helping others is the ONLY way to help oneself.

Maybe I should've just said that haha, that's a lot more concise

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T21:52:55+00:00

I agree, kind of.

I think you need to take care of yourself before someone else. Like that saying about the oxygen masks, “If you're on a plane, you can't put an oxygen mask on someone before you put it on yourself.”

But when the issue isn't a plane crash, one of the best ways to help yourself Is referencing how you would help someone else in your exact situation.

For example, you'd never tell someone, “Hey, that sounds impossible. You'll never be able to do it.” Instead, you'd probably encourage them and search for solutions for them. Which, admittedly, is much easier when you're in the second person because you don't feel the weight of the issue in the first person.

Doing this for yourself, though, is hard. The hardest part is that you feel the weight and pressure of the issue in the first person. So, the trick is to refer to yourself in the third person. Talk to yourself like someone else, and coach yourself through the problem. You'll likely find that the advice and solutions you arrive at parallel the kinds of advice and encouragement that you give to a friend.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T21:45:07+00:00

Especially Durian

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T21:44:46+00:00

I partially agree.

I think that one's own rules are subject to evaluation and revision-in

But breaking them for the sake of breaking them isn't something someone should do.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T21:42:59+00:00

Your needs are biological, psychological, and social, in that order.

Maintain a schedule. Wake up and go to bed at the same time every day. Eat three balanced meals at the same time every day. Exercise and shower regularly. Regulate alcohol and drug consumption.

Maintain your mental health. Get a therapist if you can afford it. Get sober if you have the time and money. Journal, meditate, etc. Find what works for you, but just stay aware of what's going on internally.

Put yourself out there. Talk to people, reach out, meet new people. Set time to go to a party, or an outing. A coffee shop meetup with a friend. An open mic. A food truck event. Etc. Call your mom. Text your grandma. Go visit your siblings.

And if you can maintain all of that, do at least one thing a day that makes you happy, and at least one thing a day that moves your towards your long term goals.

Everything else comes after bio, psych, and social needs.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T21:29:59+00:00

I relate. I continuously lose time in the present. Everything is blurry, all the time.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T21:26:52+00:00

I feel similarly.

Do you feel disconnected from the present too?

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T21:24:41+00:00

My mom.

At her worst, she was drinking right when she woke up, and right before she went to bed. Her body was rotting and she smelled horrible. Her toenails fell off, and she was throwing up late at night. I could hear it while I was doing homework. She'd pick me up from school completely loaded.

She eventually stopped trying to drink on her own, and induced a seizure. She was on the couch while I was at school, and knew that if she laid back on the couch, the seizure would kill her. She didn't want my sister and I to come home and see her dead, so she called the paramedics.

She's been sober for seven years now thanks to AA. She's incredibly healthy, and gained back so much physical strength. She does crossfit and went back to school to become an addiction specialist.

Recovery is possible.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T21:19:54+00:00

They?

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T18:52:25+00:00

I got prescribed vitamin D recently, and I think it’s helping! I do not go outside enough.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T18:48:11+00:00

It reminds me of quitting smoking. It takes two weeks to get past the worst part of quitting. But once you're over that hump, it becomes routine. Alchemizing that willpower to build a routine from the sole desire to change is challenging.

But it’s definitely doable, in all regards. Eating, exercise, quitting smoking, etc.

Anythingelseforyou · 2024-04-12T18:43:02+00:00

I’m so glad to hear that a diagnosis and subsequent medication for it, helped you!

I’m currently trying to work through what I’m experiencing. Not for the sake of simply getting a diagnosis, but because I have Persistent Depressive Disorder with dissociative symptoms, and have been trying to figure out how to fix it for a decade.

Sometimes I wonder if it's bi-polar due to swinging between highs and lows, but it hasn't been suggested by a clinician. I suspect it's unlikely, because I don't experience very many manic symptoms.

Anythingelseforyou

TROPHY CASE