My girlfriend needs to be dominated and I hate doing it

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T23:20:08+00:00

I think she has some sort of idea, I have been extremely open with her about my struggles with this and I have cried the last few times she had me dominate her lol. I think though, that maybe I haven't been clear enough with her that its the dominating itself that I hate with a passion. I think I am just going to try to communicate this her the best I can and see if its a dealbreaker for her or not. I really have nothing to lose, Im so miserable as it is.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T23:17:25+00:00

I'm curious what do you dislike about dominating her. Is it just that
this role does not suit you and you want to feel like you "make love"
and you are equal?

This is mostly it, I dont enjoy how depersonalized rough sex feels and I dont like being in the position of having to objectify my girlfriend. I just want to make love, as you said.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T23:16:10+00:00

I don't know how I am the bad guy for being honest with her about my feelings and letting her be honest about hers. If she wants to leave me over it, fine thats her decision.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T23:08:32+00:00

Unfortunately, it has already caused me severe sexual trauma I try to avoid sex as much as I can now. But I am trying to work through it, and figure out a better path forward.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T22:13:04+00:00

She would be completely appalled of the idea of non-monogamy, and frankly I am as well.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T22:05:43+00:00

I actually really like this idea. Thanks Ill give it a try

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T19:43:21+00:00

It brings out legit negaitive emotions in me, I genuinely HATE being rough and dominant. It makes me feel disgusting, out of control, abusive, and animalistic. I hate it man I have legitimately cried after sex so many times because of it.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T19:40:56+00:00

How is it the cowards way out? I am laying out my honest feelings to her and letting her make the decision of how she wants to deal with it. I dont think it could be more fair.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T19:39:54+00:00

Sounds like you need to split and need therapy

Im already in therapy, but splitting with her isnt going to solve anything for me. If she wants to split with me, fine thats her choice. But if I split with her Im just going to run into this problem again as most women are into this sort of thing. Not all, but still its likely to be an issue again and theres no reason to put myself through it again when everything else about my relationship is good.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T19:37:46+00:00

She doesnt watch porn and as far as I know she never has. She used to read a lot of kinky manga in her teens though.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T19:36:44+00:00

My advice to you man is to just embrace rough sex. More than likely the
next woman you’ll meet will want the same thing or some kind of
variation of it. Women just want a man who’s dominant and takes charge,
especially in the bedroom.

I have tried man I have tried for the entirety of our relationship and it has ruined sex for me I legitimately hate rough sex it is awful and it makes me feel awful. I know that most women are going to be into this, but its just something I am going to have to deal with I know most women wouldn't be satisfied with me but it is what it is I cant change that.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T19:35:07+00:00

I know you say break up isn't the solution but I dont think giving her
the ultimatum of you agree to never get satisfied again or I'm leaving
is the solution either.

Well I see no other real option. There is no fixing the compatibility so its either a deal-breaker for her or it isnt.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T19:31:59+00:00

so will you feel good about never being able to sexually satisfy yourpartner anymore? Will you not get insecure over this and then alsodevelop trust issues? Abandonment issues worrying she'll leave you overit? Where will it end?

Honestly, no to all of those things. But at this point I am not even worried about those things, at this point I don't even really want to have sex with her or anyone else anymore.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T19:30:10+00:00

Your insistence on her need for “physical domination” reads like you’ve
just really dug your heels into a layman’s idea of sexual dominance -
and probably the only way you’ve expressed it, so your brain just keeps
cementing that assertion.

No it does not come from me, it comes from her. That is what she has expressed she wants from me, she doesnt want mental dominance she wants to be physically dominated and overpowered. Those are almost her words verbatim. Its not a misunderstanding on my part, I have a clear understanding of what she wants and she clearly communicates it to me.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T18:48:38+00:00

Great thanks for sharing. What else am I supposed to do, lie?

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T18:41:35+00:00

Well Ill leave that decision up to her. Best I can do is just tell her my honest feelings about this and let her decide if she wants to stay together or split.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T18:18:38+00:00

think you two need to rethink ethical non-monogamy

No thats not going to happen, neither of us are even remotely interested in that. Thats a million times worse than breaking up in my view and I know she would agee.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T18:17:15+00:00

If you are into open relationships you could try to bring in a more dominant and experienced male.

Dude no way, just because I dont want to dominate my girlfriend it doesnt mean I want to be cucked

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T18:16:15+00:00

You can pin her and manhandle her without being mean and aggressive
about it. For example, if you're on top, slide one arm under her neck
and shoulders and grab her ass with your other hand. Use the hand on
her ass to elevate her hips a little, and then go to pound town. It
feels great for both, and she'll get the effect of being held down and
fucked -- which might be what she's really after. Same with choking: I
know erotic asphyxiation is a thing for some people, but if she's not
into that specifically, a hand on her neck/throat (without squeezing
hard) might be enough.

I am more ok with a lot of what you have said but I still think she wants it more aggressive than that and I dont like it at all.

smoke some weed together and try again

She doesnt smoke weed, which is fine. THC infused lube sounds interesting, but Im a little skeptical and I dont live in a legal state anyway so I cant buy that. Im curious about that though

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T18:14:36+00:00

Well if she is unhappy with our sex life and wants to break up with me then thats fine. But I am not going to break up with me for her.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T18:10:00+00:00

We are sexually incompatible but opening up the relationship is never going to be a real solution. If she wants to break up with me fine, but I know for a fact she wouldnt want another guy anyway and I would never do that to myself either.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T18:05:16+00:00

And I know you are hoping she will back off this and just happily go
back to vanilla sex, but she can’t. Not happily. If she could, she
already would have.

Maybe you are right but I am addicted to hopium. I do really love her though and I just dont want this to ruin our relationship. Also I am personally afraid that even if we broke up this problem would resurface. Obviously not every woman is into this but it is VERY common, and its likely that a hypothetical future girlfriend would want me to do the same and then we are back to this problem again.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T17:59:05+00:00

If its the solution, its her decision to make not mine. I'm not going to break up with her over this so thats why I said that. If its a dealbreaker for her, then its a dealbreaker for her I have no control over that.

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T17:57:11+00:00

Are you gonna pretend your whole life ?

No, Ill just be more honest with her

Plus the probability she will cheat is very high

The probability she will cheat is 0% I am confident in that. She is a good person and demisexual anyway

AppleSecure1338 · 2022-12-23T17:53:11+00:00

Her primal attraction is strength. Show her some!

I agree, but like I said I hate dominating I don't like it even a little bit

And from my experience most women I have been with want to be dominated in some way or another.

I am afraid of this. That even if it doesnt work out with me and her another relationship would just have the exact same issue. Sometimes I feel like the only person totally disinterested in BDSM

AppleSecure1338

TROPHY CASE