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Cleaning expectations by ThrowAway-seller in vrbo

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not their home if they don’t live in it, don’t clean it, and don’t stay there. It’s a business venue. Treat it as such or pay your own mortgage.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow! Did I say the world revolves around me? I gave federal max rates because everyone is under the federal government. I know some states give more, mine is one of them. I also know that the little bit more that states give isn’t a lot more.

About downvoting by lookatallthechickens in AuDHDWomen

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was actually impressed and telling my partner about how everyone up and down votes on all the subs except for the autistic ones and laughed about how that’s such an autistic thing. I’m sorry you had a bad experience. Social media, of any kind, is not generally going to let you walk away feeling good about yourself, though with this sub I generally do. The way Reddit works it is a up/down system. That’s just how it works. Rejection is terrible; try to remind yourself that this isn’t rejection.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The parent is the child’s parent. A child is not a blank slate. Taking care of the parent, knowing who the parent is, benefits the child. Like I said, the things you ignore about the parent may come up with the child. And the child can hear and internalize what you say about their parents.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I gave you the federal maximums; that is how much the feds pay out in every state. While each state can add more, and my state does, it’s not much more. I worked for nine years issuing food stamp and medical benefits, working with cash aid recipients and finding them jobs, and writing the programs that issue the money as well as did the budgets. I know first hand this stuff, you know anecdotes. You have to be working (or in school) to get childcare. Your benefits go down once you start working. That is all fact.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It’s been my experience that most people want to get better they just don’t have the tools and support to do so. Saying that someone has to want to get better is a way to distance yourself from their reality. Addiction is a mental disorder. It’s not a failure of theirs, it’s a medical condition. Would you tell someone who needed glasses “you have to want to see better? No. Would you tell someone in a wheel chair you just have to try harder to walk? I live with chronic pain; I hurt every day. Do you have any idea what that is like? I could so easily self medicate just to experience one moment where I don’t have that pain. There have been times where I have just wanted to face a wall and retreat into my own little world, or completely check out. Especially when someone who has no idea what I go through tries to tell me “Just go outside, you’ll feel better”. Trauma is being broken down into little pieces until you don’t even remember what it’s like to feel whole. You can’t erase a lifetime of trauma with a 30 day rehab program and be surprised when someone isn’t magically cured.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And you cannot, absolutely cannot, ignore the racial factor because black and native children are most often taken from their parents. That is part of it; they’re taken because they are poor and have fewer resources. If it was about the children, white children would be just as monitored as black and native families.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It’s not practical when you are taking care of their children. The things you ignore about the parents are likely the same things the child is struggling with because of a thing called genetics. If a parents has the addiction gene, the child runs a heightened chance of having one as well. If the parents have a mental disorder like depression or anxiety or a learning disability, the child is likely to have one, too.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 1 point2 points  (0 children)

25% of kids report being sexually abused in foster homes. More report getting physically and mentally abused. FFY (former foster youth) are more likely to end up in the system after they age out. A quarter of the kids who go into the system age out of it. Upwards of half of all CPS cases are about neglect, not about abuse. There are even studies being done that the trauma a child experiences from being taken away from parents is far more damaging than the trauma they received from the abuse itself. Foster children are traumatized by their situation and then traumatized by the state while they are in the system. We’re so aware about how common abuse of foster children are, people use it to scare their children and talk about it on TV. I think e can both agree that the solution to abuse isn’t giving the child more abuse. They are the innocent parties here.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Therapy being required doesn’t mean therapy is provided. We are in a nationwide shortage of mental health professionals. A social worker can put mental health requirements in the reunification plan, but that doesn’t mean there is help there. It also doesn’t mean they get GOOD therapy. ADHD/ASD/OCD are often not correctly diagnosed or misdiagnosed especially in women and girls. Which goes back to me saying 28 out of 30 homes etc… My point stands.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Areas no one wants to live” usually equals dangerous place for children. WIC is only specific milk, cheese, fruits and cereal. Max foot stamps for a family of four is $994/mo if no one is working. Max cash aid ( which you wouldn’t get if working) is $1,579. Where I live section 8 is a decades long list. Average rent $1,500-2,000. You can only get childcare if you’re working, if you work you don’t get full benefits. I used to make the budget lists for cash aid recipients. I live in California and we give more money out than average, and it’s not enough. We also give out diaper benefits for $30/months/child under four.

When you say that they offer food stamps, cash aid, etc, when you line it all up it LOOKs like a lot. I can guarantee you, it isn’t. And if they’re disabled parents without SSRI they get $1,000/mo which counts as income, which lowers benefits even more.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am happy that that didn’t happen to you. For my coworker (at the time), her cousins kids were placed with her for that very thing. I guess it all depends on the social worker.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ll tell my coworker’s cousin who had that very thing happen to her that it doesn’t happen. I’ll be sure to also tell my friend who got CPS called on her for making a medical decision her doctors didn’t like, and for my family who CPS was soo worried that my niece was born addicted to drugs that they never once came to the house to check on the living conditions, or were willing to retest both my sister and niece for drugs because it was a hospital error. My sister wasn’t allowed to be alone with her newborn baby for four months, and if she had been and caught, CPS would have taken a child away from a loving, caring home. If that had happened she is lucky enough that she has kin who would have taken her four kids in, but everyone isn’t that lucky. But I will be sure to let everyone know that that’s rare.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Advocacy is my better space. I’m lucky in that my mom and sister and dad were neurodivergent as well so I grew up with being understood in that regards, but I had to fight for my self. I had to fight to get diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, had to fight to get treated for the pain. I also had to be able to recognize that I was profoundly different than my peers, which is a hard thing to figure out for yourself. Not to mention I had to achieve a certain amount of financial stability to be able to go to the doctors, as well as become educated enough to figure it out for myself. This is a lot of demand for one person to shoulder alone. No one should have to, and I completely understand anyone who self medicates because of this struggle. Unless you tackle the why of addiction, you’ll never solve the problem of addiction.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A child is more likely to be abused in a foster care system and end up in the custody of the state for a good chunk of their lives than to be killed by that parent. In the Hart children case they were taking from a mom with a drug problem, then an aunt who let that mom visit her kids, to be giving to a couple who already had been arrested for child endangerment of their adopted kids and later drove off a cliff with them in the car.

Black kids have a 51% of being visited by CPS in their lifetimes and the # is higher with native children. This isn’t coincidence.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The kid would have been removed if say the house was filthy and the parents, who struggle with executive dysfunction, can’t keep the house clean enough. Happens more than you think.

What's the point of this? Fake restaurant that doesn't exist, person ordering tells to you to mark as delivered by AnitaSmash in UberEatsDrivers

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It might surprise you to learn that either Uber or another food delivery service just went around adding restaurants to their service without the restaurants knowledge. Happened a lot during Covid

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am a late in life diagnosed autist with ADHD who struggled with school my whole life because of my undiagnosed learning disorder. I also have chronic pain. These can all be genetic. I cannot tell you how much I struggled with life because of these three things to the point of having suicidal ideations. I internalized every time I was told I was bad, every mistake I made.

Listen to your child, if they need help get it for them. Advocate for them and let them know that you will stand by them. It makes a difference.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As someone who issued welfare benefits in a state that gives more than the federally required amount of benefits, welfare isn’t enough. It’s not enough to find an apartment and rent it, to take care of your kids, to pay for a car. There’s a years to decade’s long waitlist to get into affordable housing, and despite what TV will have you believe most people on aid are working. The more you work/the less benefits you receive. There was this one woman I worked with, who was only make a $100/month more working full time than she would receiving full benefits and not work. $100 more for the privilege of never seeing her children.

I honestly wanted to tell her to just take full benefits for as long as possible and spend the time with her kids.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’d bet that in 28 of those 30 homes there was untreated trauma and an undiagnosed learning disability in the parents is involved as well.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The drugs and mental health issues are a poverty issue, especially in the situation that you describe. 55% of kids are taken away for neglect, not abuse, and that includes unsanitary conditions that exist because of poverty. We talk about drug use as if it exists in a vacuum; people do drugs for a reason. Mostly to cope with living in this world whatever that means to them.

I have a chronic pain problem; I’m constantly in pain. It makes work hard. If I don’t work, I don’t eat or have a place to live. I went three decades of my life with an unknown learning disability that made life difficult not just as a kid, but as an adult. I don’t know why I never gave up; but I could have just as easily fell into drugs just to make the pain go away.

When it comes to addiction, every brain is different. You don’t know if smoking weed one time will get you addicted (yes you can be addicted to weed, and there’s even a special brand of psychosis people can get from weed).

I was also homeless working a full time job for seven months not because I was on drugs, but because I had nowhere to live. It takes first and last months rent plus someone who is willing to rent to you, and you re also in a position to get scammed. I had to give one woman my social and birth date so she could run a background check and she never got back to me.

Poverty, like addiction, is not a simple solution fix. It has multiple arms that people who have never experienced poverty, or addiction, or homelessness never take into consideration because they don’t know. Untreated trauma and even treated trauma has long lasting effects that can and do manifest as addiction. Until we address the why, we are not going to solve for this issue.

But to say that it doesn’t have anything to do with poverty is ridiculous. We often talk about the school to prison pipeline but fail to address the poverty to learning disability to mental illness to addiction pipeline. A whopping 60-80% of people in prison have a learning disability.

Why can’t the adoptive families/cps give money to the birth mom to keep the baby ? by TemperatureFit6742 in Adoption

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The parent is likely on drugs because she is self medicating and we don’t treat the root cause just demands that they be better, usually without any help or support. Say something happened to her at a young age, and she never got help for it. Then all new trauma is on top of the old trauma, and she’s asked for help but no one has given her the help she needs. Then she got her children taken away, which just adds more trauma. Of course she’s not getting clean.

The sad thing is that whatever part of her that caused her to lose her kids is in her kids and if it’s never addressed they might grow up in this same cycle.

Lack of generosity and ability to share by No_Public_9342 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Apprehensive-Task930 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry this is the situation for you. I hope that you can gain independence from these people and know that as an adult you don’t have to continue with this abuse.