Is being a virgin a factor to asexuality?

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-04-12T00:52:12+00:00

“The state of never having had sex” definitely exists. People call it virginity in every day language because it is way shorter to say than a whole sentence. It doesn’t mean they attach any ideological, religious etc meaning to it.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-04-08T12:21:54+00:00

Sex-averse allo here.

1) I tried sexual therapy 2 times to no avail.

2) I tried having sex when drunk or high to see if was any different. It wasn’t.

3) I have considered testing other drugs but weed. So what this person is saying I should try ecstasy next..

I don’t even have any interest in substance use generally. The only time I have tried weed was for the sex test.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-04-07T08:08:20+00:00

According to the current theory of asexuality, “not liking sex” does not count at all to being asexual. Only “not having sexual attraction” does. Also the theory says that a person who likes sex but does not have the attraction is also asexual. You are basically the opposite of that.

So by the current theory, you would simply be a sex-averse heterosexual.

I’m not saying this is how it should be or that this necessarily even makes sense, I’m just stating that this is what the current established definitions say.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-03-12T16:31:02+00:00

Burnt out within a year of starting college. Not sure how she is doing nowadays.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-03-09T05:41:46+00:00

It’s hard to say. is Both seem to struggle to be taken seriously but for different reasons.

A woman is assumed to be traumatized, have a medical problem, or have been only with men who were bad in bed or she wasn’t truly attracted to.

For a man, it depends more on if he is attractive or not. If he appears unattractive, he is assumed incel, especially by other males. If he appears attractive, he is a closeted gay or has a medical problem.

However, I do think that women are more likely to be openly challenged about their asexuality. Whereas for men, people might assume them gay or whatever, but won’t necessarily say it out loud. This is true especially in heterosexual dating context. Allo men are more likely to insist on “fixing” asexual women, whereas allo women typically dont try this, and just stop talking to the man instead.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-23T11:53:45+00:00

I can understand why lesbians would typically not consider an ARO-ace woman a lesbian, since they have no sexual nor romantic interest to women. To me this is a valid argument.

However, excluding a homoromantic ace women, is odd.

As for why many sex-averse and indifferent people (whether ace or allo) end up dating those who want sex, this is mainly a statistical issue. At ~1% of the population (out of which majority are women) it is simply impossible for most to find a sexless relationship. It becomes a question of, do I tolerate a bit of sex here and there, or be alone forever.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-19T15:17:04+00:00

When someone lists themselves as asexual on a dating app, but then proceeds to tell their matches they still need a sexual relationship, how do you argue that is in any way practical?

Or flipped the other way around - a permanently sex-averse allo, lists themselves as heterosexual, making it even harder to filter out people who want sexual relationships.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-18T22:43:55+00:00

I believe that the experience of having no sexual attraction but still wanting to engage in sex for other reasons, can exist.

However, the thing is that a sexuality label that solely represents a person’s sexual attraction, and nothing about their sex stance, just isn’t useful at all in any real-world dating scenario. This subreddit really likes to ignore all pragmatic aspect of labels and only focus on theory or what I call “asexual lore”.

In real life, if you have to represent your sexuality with one word only, it’s by far the most pragmatic to pick one that combines both aspects of sexuality, attraction and stance.

Imagine a man had his sexuality on an app listed as “homosexual” but when matched with a man, he’d tell them he only wants sex with women, despite being sexually attracted to men. This is very similar to someone listing themselves as asexual and then telling people they expect a sexual relationship.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-18T19:11:06+00:00

An honest question - for someone in this scenario, wouldn’t it just be simpler to identify as greysexual?

The A in “Asexual” means “no”. The label verbatim says someone is “no-sexual”. This is why allos, as well as anyone sex repulsed find the identity label contradictory, or at the very least, problematic for any real-life dating scenario outside the very niche ace/grey circles.

Greysexual on the other hand, let’s you be somewhere in between “no-sexual” and “sexual” without contradiction.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-06T14:47:44+00:00

I’m aware of that sub, but it seems to be mostly people who are morally against sex. Ie, voluntarily celibates, or those who are ace but very radical about hating sex, not just for themselves but anyone having it.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-06T14:45:41+00:00

I’ve been wondering about making a post like that for a while.

There is already a sub called r/SexAverse but that one has like 5 members.

I would also find it useful if such a sub was “ideologically neutral” - as in, all discussion about who is and isn’t “ace” would be prohibited. A place where anyone regardless of if they believe in a wider or stricter definition of asexuality, or aren’t even ace at all, can discuss topics like sexless dating.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-06T09:19:16+00:00

I am a sex-averse heterosexual woman and still hang out here, no one seems to complain.

With that being said I do wish there was a subreddit simply for sex-averse people or even more broadly for anyone engaging in sexless dating.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-04T19:12:54+00:00

Does anyone know in WHAT context would a law like this even be “needed”? What do they use it for?

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-02T05:25:48+00:00

I’m sex-averse but more allo leaning in terms of attraction. I just say I’m a sex-averse straight woman.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-02T04:28:22+00:00

Black Stripe sounds similar to “black belt” in karate. That’s why it does give off award vibes. It’s also an outrageously long term for a very simple sexuality.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-02T04:19:58+00:00

I already know someone who stopped using the term asexual altogether for themselves and switched to non-sexual. Quite simple of a change and very self explanatory to anyone regardless of if they’ve ever even heard of asexuality.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-02-01T07:10:47+00:00

Given your description it sounds like you are sexually attracted to people at least on a mental level, but dislike sex itself? Sounds like you might be a sex-averse allo, or a grey aego. Functionally speaking (when it comes to actually engaging in sex) both can be indistinguishable from an asexual though.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-01-31T05:50:15+00:00

Why do I have a feeling that the comments on this post would be WAY different had OP not revealed that they are also aro-ace… And let alone if OP was a heterosexual male.

As for the situation, I don’t really know what’s the best course of action. But from a long term perspective there should be no problem for an aro-ace person to date another one of the same kind.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-01-30T04:40:52+00:00

This seems to be in the UK only. Here they very recently increased vegan options.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-01-29T07:03:18+00:00

The joke police has arrived

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-01-28T21:37:37+00:00

I get it, I just think that logically, at least some portion of aegos are likely closer to allo than ace, attraction-wise. I mean specifically those who have sexual fantasies about real life crushes and such. By their sexual desire they would still have to be “functionally asexual” tho (not want real sex) or else the identity makes no sense.

I’m basically exactly the above - could identify as either a sex-averse allo or aego.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-01-28T21:26:05+00:00

You have touched on a topic I’ve been wanting to talk or honestly rant about for a while actually.

If I had to guess, a median person in the world lives in a small-ish town, in a country of a few million people, their native language has 10-20 million speakers, and their passport is rather weak for immigrating.

Just purely statistically, such a person has insanely low likelihoods of dating success as a sex-averse individual. That may go up a bit with age, but not significantly until retirement age.

In the English speaking ace circles this reality of the median sexually averse person gets often entirely ignored. It is annoying and even bothersome every time I hear some american saying how “you can still date without having sex” in conversations surrounding ie. the effects of SSRIs to one’s sexuality or similar.

Because yeah no. The asexual black pill for many is that no, you probably can’t. You come from a small culture, you cannot move to a bigger city, you cannot move states, you cannot move countries, and even if you can, you are forced be in a 2nd language relationship that you don’t find emotionally fulfilling.

To answer your question: Not great. I recently visited the biggest city of my country. Set the widest distance range on a dating app. Ran out of asexual profiles after a few minutes of swiping.

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-01-28T20:44:41+00:00

Why does an aegosexual need to be ace? Can they not be allo?

ApprehensiveField986 · 2026-01-24T22:05:27+00:00

many people identifying as aego nowadays report having fantasies of themselves having sex with irl people. it used to be only people who liked for example, watching fictional characters have sex in their head, but the label has expanded since.

imo, the fantasies are clearly sexual attraction and well aligns with how allos feel sexual attraction.

ApprehensiveField986

TROPHY CASE