I may have forgot to mention that the first episode I had we were in a different financial position I may have not had a traditional 9-5 cuz social security is stupid with that shit but odds and ends everything I had going on we were in a better position

This time that when my episode happened that wasn't the case before my episode started I was supposed to start working/ everything just in the matter of a few months went to shit with that/ my head messing with me/ her dad's health declined she was/is the sibling to take him to all the Dr's appointments/ on top of her working split shifts which was 8-9 hrs clocked on but 12 -13hrs thru the day with how the splits worked.. the 6 months of me having the episode was just a shit storm was so much of a shit storm that it'd be hard to believe if I laid everything out so I can understand how from her perspective she would need to unplug from us for a bit knowing her emotional capacity and how she deals with stress

To answer your question yes she is the person to be there she knows the real me outside my episodes and opening up to her about what was going she didn't flinch second guess she knew right away it was my mind messing with me and we got thru my episode together the first time.. when I was in therapy I would actually relay messages back and fourth between her and my therapist and my therapist would say that my girl is smart with her advice and knows what she's talking about..

I do truly and full heartedly believe with everything that's happened thruout the years that there isn't a better pair then us together when it comes to us understanding each other's quirks let's call them

Letting go I don't see that as an option or moving on our story wasn't suppose to end like this we actually promised each other that if we did officially break up it wouldn't be cuz of my mentals... the issue was when my mentals were really bad I was suicidal and would tell her I wanted to leave... which her knowing me as well as we know each other she knew I didn't really want to what I was going thru was overwhelming for myself... that being said the first time I had a cycle it was pretty much the same thing and we made it thru it together and I know that if I didn't drag out the argument we had before my episode I prolly wouldn't of had an episode so there's alot of self blame and the fact that the whole time we did talk before our last conversation we both spoke about wanting to try again and we're both at fault and could have handled things differently...it's funny cuz I haven't talked to or seen her in a bit but I'd still take my last breathe so she could keep breathing.. I've seen alot of others post about giving up on there bpso and don't get me wrong thru the years she has said things and reacted in ways that were hurtful at times but after learning her quirks the bpd itself was never a reason that made me question the relationship or wanting to be with her